


Love, Clarke

by Waxa



Series: Clexa movie AU's (CLEXAMAUS) [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Book/Movie Fusion, Childhood Friends, Drama, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Minor Character Death, Romantic Comedy, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-10-28 05:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 51,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10825044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waxa/pseuds/Waxa
Summary: Clarke and Lexa are the kind of people that are meant to be together but can’t seem to get it right. But destiny is a funny thing, and isn't quite done with them yet.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> My story will stay true to the spirit of the movie (and the book) Love Rosie, it’s kind of a point for point re-telling and the characters also are the exact equivalents of the characters in the movie, but I like to think that they got their own personalities that resemble canon.

**Part I**

_Clarke’s grip on the flute of champagne tightens when she hears the applause signaling that in a few minutes it will be her turn to talk. Her turn to tell the whole room how unbelievable happy she is because the day has finally arrived._

**_“Take a deep breath and start at the beginning. Tell them how we first met and how we stayed together no matter what.”_ **

**_/_ **

Clarke has known Lexa since they were five years old.

Clarke arrived on her first day of school teary-eyed and red-nosed and a half an hour late. She was ordered to sit down at the back of the class beside a snotty-nosed, messy-haired little girl who had the biggest sulk on her face and who refused to look at her or talk to Clarke.

Clarke hated this little girl.

Clarke also knew that she hated her too, her kicking Clarke in the shins under the table and telling the teacher that Clarke was copying her schoolwork was a telltale sign. But they sat beside each other every day for twelve years moaning about school, moaning about girlfriends and boyfriends, wishing they were older and wiser and out of school, dreaming for a life where they wouldn’t have to be apart any longer than an a couple of hours just as they had at night.

But apart from that, since as long as they can remember they’ve always been friends, not just friends, best friends. They’ve always been Clarke and Lexa, the dynamic duo, the blonde and the brunette, the neighbors, the little two terrors on school or on the block, and most important of all, soulmates. They were truly soulmates and nothing was going to change that, not even life.

(But how about we start from the beginning)

/

“Come on read it,” Clarke excitedly hands the invitation to her best friend who takes it promptly from her hands and starts to read.

_To Lexa_

_You are invited to my 7 th birthday party on Tuesday the 10th of April in my house. We are having a magician and you can come to my house at 2 o’clock. It is over at 5 o’clock. I hope you will come,  
                                    From your best friend Clarke. _

“So?”

“Yes I will come to your birthday party on Thursday!” Lexa happily exclaims and Clarke immediately frowns. “My birthday party is on Tuesday not Thursday and you can’t bring Chip to the party.”

“Why not?” Lexa wines.

“Because my mom says so. He’s a smelly cat.”

“Ok,” Lexa pouts and Clarke doesn’t have the heart to tell that pout no. Her best friend knows how to work her over and after some coaxing from Lexa’s part and after two more pouts she finally relents.

/

She shouldn´t have let Lexa convince her.

Damn Chip.

Damn Lexa´s smile.

Damn Clarke´s weakness over a pretty face.

/

_To Clarke_

_Thanks for the great day at the party. I am sorry Chip brust the baloons and ate the cake. He was hungry because mom says dad eats all our left-overs.  
                        Lexa_

The next day Lexa passes the note to Clarke who instantly takes the note and reads it quickly. After that she scribbles something on the back and hands the note to Lexa, very quietly and swiftly so that Titus, their teacher, won’t see it.

_To Lexa_

_Thanks for the present. Its OK about what chip did. Dad says he needed a new brief and case anyway. Mom is a bit mad toug, she thinks the house smells of poo now._  
            Look at Mr. Titus’ nose. It is the biggest nose I have ever seen and his going bald.  
                        Clarke 

Lexa quickly grabs the note from Clarke’s hand once she’s done writing it and when she reads it, she giggles and Titus reprimands her but doesn’t take away the note for now. So she starts to write her response.

Clarke lives for the illegal exchange of notes between her and Lexa. She loves the way Lexa tries to hold a giggle every time she reads what Clarke has to say about Titus or the endless drawings that Clarke does of him.

But what she loves the most about it, it’s when Lexa finally reads the note and takes her time to scribble in her elegant but oh so incredible wrong grammar (not that she’s perfect either but at least she tries) with the tip of her tongue out, her response.

_To Clarke_

_I no and he has a big snot hanging down too. He is the ugliest alien I have ever seen. I think we should tell the FBY we have an alien as a teacher who has a really smelly breath and-_

/

_Dear Mr. and Ms. Woods,_

_I would like to arrange a meeting with you to discuss how Lexa is progressing at school. I would like to talk about the recent change in her behavior along with the problem of her note-writing and eating the notes once I catch her during class. I would appreciate it if you called the school to arrange a suitable time to meet._  
                                    Sincerely,  
                                    Mr. Titus

/

Even after being caught and being grounded, the notes don’t slow down. They just get creative with it. Using mostly other culprits (Like Octavia Blake, who is Clarke’s best friend after Lexa) to do their dirty work which is not that difficult, they still try and succeed almost every time.

_To Lexa_

_I hate that we dont sit together anymore in class. Im stuck beside stinky Jasper who picks his nose and eats it. Its gross. What did your mom and dad say about Mr. Titus nose alien?  
            From Clarke_

_To Clarke_

_Dad did not say much because he kept laffing. I don’t no why. I no it is reall boring up the front of the class. Smelly breath Mr. Titus keeps on lucking at me. Have to go.  
            Lexa_

_To Lexa_

_You always spell know wrong. Its KNOW not NO.  
                        From Clarke _

_To Clarke_

_Sorry miss perfect. I no how to spell it.  
                        From Lexa _

_To Lexa_

_ITS KNOW Lexa, god your so stuborn. Anyway look at Mr. Titus pants today he looks like my grandad’s. Or it looks like chip puked up all over it and then did a poo and the-_

/

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. Griffin_

_I was hoping to arrange a meeting with you to discuss Clarke’s recent behavior in school and her note-writing during class and throwing those said notes after I caught her to Lexa who keeps eating them. How does Thursday at 3 p.m sound?  
                        Mr. Titus _

/

_No, maybe she will keep those stories to herself. After all, everyone knows how inseparable they were (are)._

_So maybe, **“Tell them that ever since we shared our dreams (quite literally)...Even Lexa's weirdest ones.”**_

To Lexa  
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!  
I LOVE YOU.  
LOVE, FROM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER  
XXX

“You wrote the card didn’t you?” A 14 year old Lexa says once she steps into the pillow forte that Clarke built inside her room. She lays down beside Clarke and pokes her cheek to get her attention. Once Clarke turns her head and stares at her she begins to panic. She knows she shouldn’t have sent the card but she was sad for her friend who didn’t get one, when she got 3 valentines. One from Finn, one from Wells and one from Lexa, the last one being an anonymous card too but the ‘ _Happy valentine’s day, I no you are the best’_ gave her away. But she wasn’t going to mention it.

“What card? I really don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would I send you a Valentine’s card?” Clarke acts nonchalantly and Lexa laughs at her.

“How did you know it was a Valentine’s card? The only way you could know is if you sent it,” Lexa says cheerfully and Clarke blushes. “You love me, you want to marry me,” Lexa sing songs and tickles Clarke over and over again and Clarke can’t stop laughing and screaming NO.

“Lexa no, shut up,” She says when she gets her breathing in control.

The silence returns and they do the only thing they know how to do best, they watch each other in silence.

Clarke traces with her eyes the outline of her best friend’s face. From her frizzy but tamed hair, to her long lashes and her green eyes, the perfect and slightly upturned nose that makes her face thinner, to the luscious and so kissable lips (No Clarke they’re not kissable!) and of course her jaw. Clarke loves Lexa’s jaw and she doesn’t even know why. She likes to trace her fingers when they’re together and she aches to touch when she’s not there which fortunately for her she doesn’t get the chance to ache since they spend most of their time together.

“I had a dream last night.” Lexa breaks the spell and Clarke only nods at her, giving Lexa her full attention.

“You know a gear?” Lexa asks and when she sees Clarke nod again she continues, “That was me. I was that thing. I was a piece of jewel in the form of a gear, and I was in someone’s forehead. And it felt like that person was me but I couldn’t really see myself.”

“That’s so weird, but tell me more. I want to hear all about it.”

“I was watching a tent from a throne and this person had a knife on their hands and they kept playing with the knife until…”

/

“Clarke honey, wake up,” Abby Griffin shakes her daughter’s back, when she hears her groan and mumble something that resembled a ‘ _go away_ ’ she turns back and says loud enough “Lexa she doesn’t want to-“ before she can finish the sentence Clarke is up and grabbing the phone from her hands and giving her a look of go away again.

“Hey Lex, sorry I was just hmm reading.” Clarke checks the clock beside her bed and groans internally when Lexa laughs. “Yeah right, at eight am on a Sunday?”

“What’s wrong?” Clarke mumbles, going straight back to bed.

“I had a dream last night,” Lexa says and when she hears Clarke hum she knows she’s still listening. “I dreamt that I was inside a chip and that a pretty blonde was carrying me through this forest and I just felt safe and warm. And I think it was you that was holding me but an older version and…”

/

_But Clarke needs is to tell the truth, so the truth is: **“Tell them that this is, that this has to be… One of the happiest days of my life.”**_

_“Clarke? Clarke, it's time.” Raven shakes her out of her stupor and hands her another flute of champagne while she stands up, replacing the empty one she had on her hands._

_“Everybody!” Clarke clinks the glass to get everyone’s attention. “For those I haven't had the chance to say hi to properly, I'm Clarke, Lexa's maid of honor. And this has got to be one of the happiest days of my life.”_

 


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mild explicit content.

**_Part II_ **

_Dear Ms. Queen_

_Lexa will be unable to attend school tomorrow, the 10 th of April, as she has a dental appointment.  
                        Indra Woods _

_Dear Ms. Queen_

_Clarke will be unable to attend school tomorrow, the 10 th of April, as she has a doctor’s appointment.  
                        Abigail Griffin. _

“Do you think they will buy it?” Clarke asks and her best friend nods with a smirk on her face. “I’m getting better and better at this! You will see, they’re not going to catch us.”

* * *

On Clarke’s 18th birthday, Lexa takes her to the Dropship, the best dance club in Polis. She acquires fake ID’s for the two of them and even though Clarke’s ID says that she was born on the 31st of February, she still gets in.

Apart from the constant shots, the dancing and grinding against her best friend to the songs of Beyoncé, face smashing against that pub floor, flashing lights, loud sirens, speeding cars, and puking. Clarke can’t remember anything else.

Not even the most shattering (in a good sense) feathery kiss that her best friend pressed to her own lips just minutes before she fell off the high stool. She doesn’t remember the soft and tantalizing lips that moved from her ear to her cheek and slowly and so carefully as to not scare of the overwhelming feelings that she would have if she was aware of what was happening. Then those lips were on the corner of her lips and inching closer and closer to fully rest on hers, and honestly Clarke couldn’t wait. So she shortens the non-visible distance and feels even drunker on the feeling of her lips against her best friend.

She doesn’t remember after that, the need she felt to keep Lexa closer to be her undoing since all it took to fall out of the stool she was on, was just an inch closer to the brunette. And so she falls and after that is just a blur.

She doesn’t remember how her face and body plummets towards the ground after she loses her balance. She also doesn’t remember how Lexa panicked for a second when she doesn’t get back up and how she’s screamed for someone to call 911. She doesn’t remember her best friend soft hands and strong arms that carried her towards the door and into the approaching ambulance with urgency.

She certainly doesn’t remember the way she clings into Lexa all the way towards the hospital or all the way she was getting her stomach pumped. No, that’s a lie, she does remember that part but she acts that she doesn’t later that night. 

* * *

Clarke wakes up slowly to the morning sun and to the insisting knocking downstairs. She hears just specks of her father talking to Lexa, before she has the courage to get up and walk up to their conversation.

“It was totally my fault, the whole thing,” Lexa says apologetically and Jake just pats her back. “Oh, I'd love to believe you, Lexa, I really would. I just happen to know my own daughter,” He says calmly and Lexa flinches ever so slightly in the corner of Jake’s vision when they hear Clarke at the top of the stairs.  “Why is everybody so freaking loud?”

“Excuse my daughter’s rudeness, she’s got her stomach pumped last night,” Jake jokes and Clarke groans, “Dad!”

“Thank you for taking care of my daughter Lexa.” Jake nods his head towards Clarke as if telling Lexa it was ok for her to go upstairs with a small smile, and the brunette returns it with a very, very, small one of her own and blushing cheeks.  “Always.”

Once she’s closed the door to Clarke’s bedroom, she jumps right beside Clarke who is once again under the covers.

“I'm so embarrassed about last night.” Lexa hears Clarke say and she grabs the lapels of the covers to see her face. “No, no, you don't have to be.”

“Ugh, I behaved so badly!” Clarke mutters quietly still hiding her face between the palms of her hands. “Yeah, but bad can be good, too.” Lexa’s words don’t register with Clarke as soft like she’s vulnerable about something but Clarke takes it as teasing.

“Good? It was awful. Oh, I feel sick even thinking about it.” If Clarke wouldn’t be hiding she would’ve seen Lexa crestfallen face at the admission.

“About which part?” Lexa asks unsure.

“All of it. It never happened. Lexa, okay? You can't tell anyone!” Clarke begs and finally sees the fake smile her best friend was giving her but she lets it go for now.

“Right.” Lexa reluctantly nods. “Maybe that last tequila wasn’t such a good idea. It just seemed so wise at the time.”

“I feel awful, my head is pounding. I have never had such a headache. I have never felt so ill before in my life. I will never drink tequila again.” Clarke groans and Lexa scoots over and opens her arms for Clarke to settle against her. After finally resting her pounding head in the crook of Lexa’s neck she starts feeling well.

And after what seems like an hour, she finally feels like herself again.

“How did we get home from the hospital?” Clarke wonders and Lexa chuckles against her. “Uh, my mom picked us up. They needed a parent's name, so, I obviously didn't want to give yours, even though they paged your mom after. But my parents think it's my fault anyway, I'm a terrible influence.”

“Oh, well, you are.” Clarke smiles against her and her grip tightens around Lexa’s hips where her hands are.

“So, now, I have to spend two hours in the library every day for a fortnight, it’s a nightmare.”

“Yeah right, says the girl who still spends her time in the library just for fun.” Clarke rolls her eyes and Lexa laughs freely against her. Her whole body shakes and in turn Clarke feels it in her body, and it sends shivers down her spine, because of how good it feels.

“Yeah, yeah, well it seems to be the right thing,” Lexa whispers, “Costia Green just got a part time job there, so I don’t get to complain.” 

“Yeah, right.” Clarke says and Lexa disentangles herself and narrows her eyes once she’s close enough to the blonde but not close enough to fall into the deps of those blue eyes so early in the morning.

“What?”

“Costia Green? Long legs and massive pair of boobs Costia Green?” Clarke scoffs.

“Mmm.” Lexa smirks.

“Forget it, even I want to sleep with her,” Clarke says and her voice is dripping with sarcasm.

Lexa resists the urge to roll her eyes. “For your information, she has been giving me the eye,” She says confidently and Clarke scoffs again.

“She’s probably wondering if you’re ticklish.” Clarke grabs Lexa by the waist and closes the distance between them while Lexa tries to pry off her hands while laughing. “Fuck off! No. Not again.”

“Come here.”

“Don't touch me! Don't you dare!”

And just like that laughter fills the room and spills into the house just like clockwork.

* * *

“Come on Lexie,” Clarke begs through the phone and Lexa let’s the nickname pass only because it’s Clarke. She’s been known to go off on people who even attempted to say her name in the wrong way, but Clarke is the only person who gets away with it and maybe sometimes her sister Anya, and well Octavia from time to time, it depends on her mood really. “I haven’t seen you in forever! Come on.”

Lexa laughs at the antics of her best friend and rolls her eyes as well. “Clarke you saw me yesterday!”

“But it wasn’t enough, we haven’t hang out that much lately, and I really want to be with you,” Clarke whines and Lexa blushes and she’s thankful that Clarke isn’t there to tease her about the blushing cheeks and the loopy smile she has on just by hearing how needy Clarke is for her.

“Ok,” Lexa puffs out and laughs again when she hears Clarke squeal a yes. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

Lexa knows perfectly well that she has to be more careful with how she treats Clarke. After all they’re best friends. Even though Lexa is madly in love with said best friend she knows she can’t ruin their friendship just because of her feelings towards the blonde.

Lexa can’t remember really a time where she wasn’t in love with Clarke, but after Clarke’s 18 kiss debacle and how her best friend reacted towards what happened between them she knows now that she can’t profess her love not now and maybe not ever.

Not two minutes later she’s standing in front of the Griffin’s household about to knock when the door opens forcefully and a grinning Clarke launches herself into her arms. Lexa knows her friend all too well and she’s prepared for her so she grabs with one hand one of Clarke’s legs and with the other her back for support. She giggles when Clarke starts to smother her with kisses on her cheek. “What took you so long?”

After Lexa puts her down she gives her a small smile and Clarke’s left breathless. “It was literally a minute.”

“Two, but who’s counting?” Clarke shrugs and Lexa gives her signature roll of eyes. “You are.”

“Ok, so ready?”

“Born ready,” Lexa puffs out her chest and Clarke laughs at her and pulls her towards her car.

* * *

“Just look at Finn right now. What a fuckboy,” Lexa grunts and Octavia gives her a knowing look. “Someone is jealous.”

Lexa reluctantly and not so subtlety turns her head towards Octavia and gives her an annoyed look instead of at Finn who’s currently talking to Clarke.

Since the moment they stepped into the beach, Finn grabbed Clarke and took her away and Lexa since then has been sulking in the corner of the beach with an amused Octavia.

“I’m not jealous, I just don’t know what all you girls see in him,” She grumbles and Octavia chuckles, turning to face Lexa with a raised brow.

“I don’t know what you see in Costia either,” Octavia gives her a look and Lexa is about to reply before Clarke plops down next to her with a goofy smile on her face and that’s Octavia’s queue to leave.

“So what did he want?” Lexa’s tone is cold and Clarke is confused for a moment not sure if she’s mad at her or was it something that Octavia said before she moved away that left Lexa fuming.

“He invited me to the school dance,” Clarke says unsure and Lexa’s jaw clenches showing her frustration. “What did you say?”

“No, obviously. I'm going with you if that’s what you still want,” Clarke trails off for a second, feeling a little unsure of what her friend wanted. After all, they’ve been preparing for prom since they were old enough to know what to expect from it and had already promised to each other they would go together and with no one else.

“Clarke, I really want to go with-“ Lexa starts and it’s cut off by the two long legs she’s been admiring since she started at the library nearing them and then she whispers, “Costia.” Clarke of course frowns at the name dropping her friend just did.

Costia stands just two feet away from a speechless Lexa and an annoyed Clarke. “Hey, Lexa. I missed you in the library today.” Her voice oozes seduction and Clarke resists flipping her off.

“Yeah, uh, I had nothing...” Lexa mumbles while she admires her whole body. Costia is a 5’8, brown eyed beauty that since the first moment she saw Lexa she knew she wanted her and nobody else. “Uh, I mean, yeah. I was a bit...A bit of busy.”

“You haven’t told me your answer yet. I hope I hear it soon,” Costia smiles and winks at Lexa before going away with a little sway of her hips towards her group of friends, absolutely ignoring the glares that the blonde beside Lexa was giving her.

“Yeah, absolutely will. I'll see you there,” Lexa answers a bit tad too late but she knew Costia heard her.

“Pathetic,” Clarke says immediately and Lexa looks at her sideways. “She totally wants me.”

Clarke stares at the brunette in disbelief, “You're lucky she didn't trip over your tongue dragging halfway across the ground.”

“Whoa. Okay. All right. Well, give me some tips then, if you are so clever.” Lexa narrows her eyes, “How do I go about seducing a woman who is apparently out of my league?”

“Is that a serious question?” Clarke asks.

Lexa nods affirmatively, “Yeah, absolutely.”

“Mmm, well, you're at a disadvantage being a) you know, virgin,” Clarke whispers and Lexa groans and hides her face behind her hands. “No, no, no, all right? We can work with that.” Clarke teases her and smirks to herself.  “First you have to be cool. Ignore her. Act like you could take it or leave it.”

“You see, that I've had practice at.”

“Hmm. Uh, second, you have to make her feel like you've seen something in her no one else has. Like her soul.” 

“While also ignoring her?” Lexa says with a doubting nod.

“Yes.” Clarke puts it simply.

“Okay, and what happened to the sex?” Lexa cocks an eyebrow up at Clarke’s surprised stare. “This is about getting to it!”

“Ok, I think I get it.” Lexa swears she sees Clarke’s ghost of a smile but it’s gone before she can fully make it out as she says, “She wants me to take her to the dance.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Lexa confirms and Clarke frowns further and then crosses her arms as to further her defense mechanism that was building up so quickly.  “Well take her, if it means that much to you.”

“Come on, I know how much you want to go with Finn, so it actually it’s a good thing for you. You don’t have to worry about leaving me alone,” Lexa responds but Clarke hears how her voice has softened, how she knows Lexa is only going to do it because she thinks is what Clarke wants, which is so far from the truth. But she doesn’t want her best friend to lose an opportunity like this so she makes a hasty decision.

“Yeah I want it but don’t act like this isn’t quite convenient for you.” Clarke looks at her directly and Lexa keeps her stare, deciding to do the same for Clarke.

“Well, I'll go ask her then.” Lexa’s jaw clenches showing her frustration, and Clarke returns it. “Go for it.”

“Okay. Fine, I will.”

“Great.”

“Perfect.”

“Go on then.”

Lexa gives her one more look before she stands up and goes straight to where Costia is. She takes the brunette’s hands and helps her stand up before she whispers something nontangible from Clarke’s angle before Clarke sees Costia nodding happily and giving Lexa a long kiss which is borderline gross for Clarke.

She then groans before going to where Finn is and does the same.

At the end of the night, they both don’t talk at all and both go their separate ways not once bothering to say goodbye.

* * *

Clarke is relieved that for once she doesn’t get to sit right beside Lexa in this class, because of the fight they had the other day and because for the pass twenty four hours Lexa has been annoying and she’s got that smug face that Clarke wants to wipe with her lips (No! with her hand), right with the palm of her hand to get her out of it. She knows that Lexa has something to tell her but if rumors were correct then she already knows that the day has come and she has lost her best friend to the claws of one Costia Green.

Before she can think and sulk further, the ping of a new conversation brings her out of reverie and the sinking feeling at the pit of her stomach comes back when she sees Lexa’s name on the chat.

**You have an instant message from: Lexa**

Lexa: Hey there Clarke got some news for you.

Clarke: Leave me alone please, I’m trying to concentrate on what Mr. Sinclair is saying.

Lexa: Hmm yeah right, I can see u snoozing off.

Clarke: Lexa, I’m serious. I have a great and growing interest in blogs. It’s so exciting I find I could just sit in and do it all weekend.

Lexa: Oh you’re turning into such a nerd

Clarke: I WAS JOKING YOU IDIOT! I fucking hate this crap my brain is turning to mush from listening to him. But go away anyway.

Lexa: Do you not wanna hear my news?

Clarke: Nope, go away.

Lexa: Well I’m telling you anyway

Clarke: La la la la la la la

Lexa: Shut up and read Clarke

Clarke: OK what’s the big exciting news?

Lexa: Well virgin girl is no longer

Clarke: Is no longer than a what? A scented candle?

Lexa: Ha ha is no longer a virgin girl.

Lexa: Hello? You still there?

Lexa: Come on, Clarke say something please. I can see you pouting.

Clarke: So who’s the unlucky girl? ~~Please don’t say Costia, please don’t say it.~~

Lexa: It is Costia! Well?

Clarke: Well what?

Lexa: Well say something.

Clarke: People will stare

Lexa: Ha ha OK then type something.

Clarke: Well I really don’t know what you want me to say Lexa. I think you need to get yourself some male friends because I’m not gonna slap you on the back and look for gory details. Maybe you can talk with your cousin Murphy about it or Octavia’s brother, Bellamy.

Lexa: Just tell me what you think.

Clarke: Well to be honest, from what I hear about her, I think she’s a slut.

Lexa: Oh come on you don’t even no the girl, you’ve never even met her. You call anyone who sleeps with anyone a slut.

Clarke: Eh slight exaggeration there Lexa. I call people who sleep with different people every day of the week sluts.

Lexa: You no that’s not true.

Clarke: You keep spelling KNOW wrong. It’s KNOW not NO.

Lexa: Shut up with the “know” thing, you’ve been going on about that since we were about 5!

Clarke: Yeah exactly so you think you would listen to me by now.

Lexa: You know what, forget I said anything.

Clarke: Oh Lexa I’m just worried about you. I know you really like her and all I’m saying is that she’s not a one girl or man (for that matter) kind of girl.

Lexa: Well she is now.

Clarke: Are you two going out with each other officially?

Lexa: Yes.

Clarke: YES!??????

Lexa: You seem surprised.

Clarke: I just didn’t think Costia went out with people, I thought she just slept with them.

Clarke: Lexa?

Clarke: OK OK I’m sorry.

Lexa: Clarke you need to stop doing that.

Clarke:  I no I do

Lexa: Ha ha

Clarke: Suck on that Woods.

Clarke: Oh no I think Costia is the one sucking.

“Ok that’s it. Clarke Griffin go to the principal’s office now,” Mr. Sinclair says.

“No sir, it was my fault,” Lexa tries to explain while Clarke gives her a death glare while she stands up. “I just really had something important to tell Clarke and it just couldn’t wait.”

“So I see Lexa, congratulations, go along with Clarke now,” Sinclair says while showing the entire class the conversation. The class erupts in cheers and claps for Lexa while Clarke rolls her eyes and exits the room hastily with a smug Lexa behind her.

* * *

 

_To the most inconsiderate asshole of a friend,_

_I’m writing you this letter because I know that if I say what I have to say to your face I will probably punch you._

_I don’t know you anymore._

_I don’t see you anymore._

_We don’t talk anymore._

_All I get is a quick text or a rushed e-mail from you every few days. I know you are busy and I know you have Costia, but hello? I’m supposed to be your best friend._

_You have no idea what this past few weeks have been like. Ever since we were kids we pushed away every single person that could possibly have been our friend. (Except for Octavia, but you know her, she fought her way in.). Anyway, we blocked people until there was only me and you. You probably haven’t noticed, because you have never been in the position I am in now. You have always had someone. You always had me. I always had you. Now you have Costia and I have no one._

_Now I feel like those other people that used to try to become our friend, that tried to push their way into our circle but were met by turned backs. I know you’re probably not doing it deliberately just as we never did it deliberately. It’s not that we didn’t want anyone else, it’s just that we didn’t need them. Sadly now it looks like you don’t need me anymore._

_Anyway I’m not moaning on about how much I hate her, I’m just trying to tell you that I miss you. And that well….I’m lonely._

_Whenever you cancel nights out I end up staying home with my mom and dad and sometimes Octavia watching TV. It’s so depressing. This was supposed to be our final year of fun. What happened? Can’t you be friends with two people at once?_

_I know you have someone who is extra special, and I know you both have a special “bond” or whatever, that you and I will never have. But we have other bonds, we’re best friends and most importantly we’re soulmates. Or does the best friend bond disappear as soon as you meet somebody else? Maybe it does, maybe I just don’t understand that because I haven’t met that “somebody special” I’m not in any hurry to, either. I liked things the way they were because I think you were my somebody special..._

_Maybe Costia is now your best friend and I have been relegated to just being your “friend.” At least be that to me, Lexa. In a few years’ time if my name ever comes up you will probably say, “Clarke, now there’s a name I haven’t heard in years. We used to be best friends. I wonder what she’s doing now, I haven’t seen or thought of her in years!” You will sound like my mom and dad when they have dinner parties with friends and talk about old times. They always mention people I’ve never even heard of when they’re talking about some of the most important days of their lives. Yet where are those people now? How could someone who was your bridesmaid 20 years ago not even be someone who you are on talking terms with now? Yes, I’m talking about the famous Diana Sydney. Or in dad’s case, how could he not know where his own best friend from college lives? He studied with the man for five years!_

_Anyway, my point is (I know, I know, there is one), I don’t want to be one of those easily forgotten people, so important at the time, so special, so influential, and so treasured, yet years later just a vague face and a distant memory because I feel like I’ve been left behind. I want us to be best friends forever, Lexa. But honestly, I want us to be something more because I love you Lexa._

_But I know you’re happy and I’m happy you’re happy, really I am, so that’s why I won’t say anything else. Maybe our time has come and gone. Maybe your time is now meant to be spent with Costia and not me. And if that’s the case I won’t bother sending you this letter. And if I’m not sending this letter then what am I doing still writing it? OK I’m going now and I’m ripping these muddle thoughts up._

So Clarke rips apart the letter in half and puts the pieces back into her nightstand bottom drawer. She decides to keep the letter even if her intentions of not giving it to Lexa ever were practically a reason to throw it out but she needs it to let her real feelings be validated and real (even if it’s only on a piece of paper).

For a while now Clarke has known that the love she has for Lexa isn’t just platonic anymore as she so bluntly stated on the letter.

It’s more than just friendship she feels towards her best friend and she has always felt that way, the only difference this time is that she’s finally acknowledging the truth. She has fallen for her best friend and she’s helpless about it. But that’s the thing Clarke can’t tell Lexa about her undying love for her because Lexa is with Costia and the idea of losing her only because Clarke couldn’t keep her love caged was unthinkable.

But the fear of losing Lexa is still with her no matter what. She doesn’t know what to do but hopes that Lexa won’t forget her, or just stops loving her (not even if it isn’t the way that she wants to).

* * *

 

Clarke is in the middle of getting ready for prom when she hears the distant knocking downstairs. By the tenth knock she rolls her eyes and descends the stairs quickly and opens the door and freezes midway.

It’s Lexa. It’s Lexa in a well-fitted suit, with high heels and a tie on her hands.

“I know we're not officially talking, but I need help with my tie,” Lexa says cheekily raising the tie in her hand for Clarke to see it and Clarke can’t help but tilt up her lips.

Clarke feels like she can finally breathe.

They go to Clarke’s room for Clarke to finish dressing up. She’s in her bathroom putting her dress on while Lexa stands in front of a mirror trying to make the knot on her tie at least presentable, when Clarke hears Lexa talk. “For a minute there, I thought you might be in love with me or something because you didn’t return any of my calls when I told you I was with Costia.”

Clarke’s smile wavers, before she can utter the truth she composes herself and quickly starts their banter, “Lexa, you will forever be the girl who wiped bogeys on my favorite party dress, okay? Don't flatter yourself.”

“Good. I know how complicated friendships can get sometimes when someone hooks up with someone else that the other one hates, but you know I'm always here if you need to talk.” Lexa admits truthfully and when she sees Clarke step out of the bathroom her eyes widen and her mouth drops open.

“What do you think? Boobs au naturel or pushed up?” A naughty smile and a change of light dances in the blonde’s eyes as soon as she sees Lexa’s frozen state. ‘ _Is that lust or something else in her eyes? Yes_ ’ Clarke thinks to herself and smirks and she decides to tease her further by pushing her boobs together and asking, “In? Or out?”

Lexa for her part attempts to articulate her thoughts but doesn’t quite manage it. “Well, uh, I mean, it depends. Is it for dancing, or is it, um...”

“Hmm. Who knows?” Clarke grins mischievously and stands only inches away from Lexa and takes the tie in the brunette’s hands into hers and starts to lightly fix her collar. “So how do I look?”

“Breathtaking,” Lexa answers immediately and Clarke gives her signature smile. “You look breathtaking too.”

Lexa feels a chill run down her spine as her eyes focus on Clarke again and it surprises her how she manages to talk without sounding so shaky. “Are you ready?”

* * *

 

On their way to the dance, they both quickly return to their usual banter and to their usual updates on each other’s lives since they were “fighting” and it feels like nothing happened between them even though there’s a pending feeling of despair once they reach their destination.

“So, where is the idiot meant to be meeting you?” Lexa huffs in frustration and Clarke laughs it off. “You're so rude! Um, I think at the front.”

“Yeah there he is,” Lexa signals with her hand towards the entrance where a smug but impatient Finn breaks down into a jog towards the parking lot where Lexa is parking the car.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Finn greats Clarke and Lexa holds the grunt when she sees Finn only keeping her eyes on Clarke’s breasts instead of her eyes.

“Ok. See ya!” Clarke waves Lexa goodbye before taking Finn’s hand.

“Fucker,” Lexa finally scowls and decides not to let it ruin her night.

* * *

 

The night was supposed to be fun. But it’s never fun when you see your best friend dancing with your worst enemy (Yes, Clarke decided that Costia is now her sworn enemy). And they’re not just dancing, they are gazing into each other’s eyes until they cannot longer bear it and the clash of lips and tongue begins and they practically are devouring each other on the dance floor and there are plenty of rooms where they can do that, right? No, scratch that, Clarke doesn’t want that.

But there she is, Clarke watching Lexa while Lexa is tongue deep into Costia’s mouth and it makes her livid.

Lexa for her part has been enjoying her night but she wouldn’t go as far as saying it was the best night of her life, not when she’s not with Clarke, and she sure as hell would’ve had a better time if she came with the blonde.

The blonde who currently is gazing at her and Lexa in return gives her a big smile while she dances against Costia.

Clarke feels a chill run down her spine as her eyes focus on Lexa again, who is watching her now. Clarke’s expression softens noticeably, her bones relax, becoming less rigid and tight, and she lets it go and starts really dancing with Finn (even though she pretends it’s Lexa who she’s dancing with), and well Lexa feels an unusual spike of jealousy in her gut.

And it’s like push and pull between the two of them.

It becomes too much for Lexa when she watches Finn leaning across Clarke and whispers something in Clarke’s ear and notices the blonde blushing and taking Finn’s hand.

She sees them leave after that and her heart breaks more.

* * *

 

Clarke is trying so hard not to laugh at Finn with his little problem with the condom. She really tries as she peeks over Finn’s shoulder to see his improvement but she doesn’t get to see much really.

“You have done this before?” Clarke asks and Finn groans, trying not to sound like it was his first time even though it was. “Yeah. Haven't you?”

“It's like brushing my teeth,” Clarke scoffs. It wasn’t her first time really but she wasn’t that experienced just like Costia either.

“Ahh, fuck!” Finn groans.

“That's...look, let me help you,” Clarke offers and Finn shakes his head and tries once again. “No, leave it!” 

After what seems like hours, he finally succeeds, and pulls Clarke down on the bed while he tops her.

“Okay, I've got it. Here we go! Okay, quick!” He groans as he enters her and Clarke just lays dumbfounded when she doesn’t feel anything, and she doesn’t get to either, because after three thrusts Finn is coming and groaning into her neck while he pulls out. “Sweet Jesus!”

“Oh. Wow.” Clarke trails off for a second, feeling awkward as hell and unsatisfied. But Finn as dumb as he is takes it as a compliment and smirks to himself as he pulls Clarke towards him.

“I know. I know.”

Clarke sighs momentarily before she decides to take action into her own hands, literally. She starts to touch Finn all over his body, before reaching her goal, which twitches when she touches his flaccid and sticky member.

“Mmm, okay.” Finn once again smirks and Clarke panics and freezes when she doesn’t feel the condom. “Where is it?”

“What?” Finn asks dumbfounded.

Clarke panics more and raises her voice. “The thing.”

“You’re touching it.” Finn jokes and Clarke pulls away entirely before pulling the sheet off their bodies. “Seriously, Finn, where is it?”

“You had it!” Finn starts to act like he was annoyed by the sudden change and Clarke starts looking frantically for the condom. “Look, it can't have just disappeared!” Clarke thinks and when she feels something wet moving inside her she curses. “Fuck.”

* * *

Lexa got suddenly tired after dancing almost all night with Costia, and if she was being honest with herself, she was heartbroken by Clarke leaving with Finn to one of the rooms the hotel they were in, offered.

She just wanted to go home.

She just wanted Clarke.

But she couldn’t have both, because Costia wanted to stay and Clarke wasn’t hers.

* * *

“Oh, God! Oh, shit!” Clarke fumes as she touches the condom that was still inside of her. Every time she tried to pull she could feel it slipping away and further into her.

“Clarke? Have you found it?” Finn stands on the other side of the door of the bathroom, sounding smug and little breathless while Clarke was having the worst night of her life. “Do you want me to have a look for you? Go on all fours.” He jokes and that’s when Clarke decides it’s enough. She pulls her dress up and exits the bathroom. She watches Finn laugh at her panicked expression before she sets off towards him with fire in her eyes and slaps him very hard before turning away and leaving the room.

“Fuck you!”

* * *

Lexa finally convinces Costia to leave the dance, with the promise of a more fun night ahead, which Costia can’t deny is a better offer. They are almost at the entrance when her phone buzzes in her pocket. Lexa’s holding Costia’s hand with one hand, while fishing for her phone in her pocket with the other. When she retrieves it and sees Clarke’s name on the screen she immediately picks the call. “Clarke!”

“Lexa! Thank God! Where are you?” Clarke sounds breathless and panicking and if Lexa notices it she doesn’t say anything about it, because she thinks Clarke only wants to tell her about her experience “I'm on my way out!”

“No, wait, you've got to help me, there's been an accident!” Clarke says frantically and it takes all of Lexa to not let go of Costia before running off to find Clarke. “Fuck, what?”

“No, no, no, sorry, no, that's not what I meant. Everything's fine.”

“Jesus, you scared me!” Lexa let out a relieved sigh before she returns her walk towards the exit.

“I mean, there was an accident, um, with the thingy with Finn you know?” The blonde sounds unsure and embarrassed and Lexa tries not to grit her teeth and tells Costia about it, to see if she could help Clarke.

“Well, that happens, Clarke! Costia said that’s normal, you should-“

“No, no, Lexa. Something that I need to figure out right now, Lexa.” Clarke quickly interrupts Lexa’s rant and continues. “I need to get rid of it. It got lost and I can't find it and I don't know what to do.”

“You're not making any sense, Clarke!” Lexa shouts into the phone. “Can we just talk about this later?”

“No, Lexa, please!”

“Okay, you need to be really clear and really precise! Okay?”

“The condom came off inside my vagina and at present I'm unable to locate it!” Clarke rants off and when Lexa is near the elevator, she stops so suddenly and before her Clarke is standing right in front of her, blushing while an older man stands alarmed and shocked beside her. 

Lexa’s eyes widen and her mouth drops open. “That's way more information than I needed.”

* * *

 

“Hi. I'm Dick.” The attendant doctor introduces himself and Lexa sniggers alongside Clarke. 

“Of course, you are.” Clarke rolls her eyes at her best friend inappropriate behavior and the ridiculousness of the situation she’s found herself in.

The doctor ignores the comment, having dealt with the irony of his name all of his live. He puts on gloves and continues with the procedure once he finds what’s wrong with the young lady. “Okay. Is it, um, front bottom or back?”

“What do you think I am?” Clarke frowns and the doctor gives her an apologetic stare. “Sorry. I wasn't suggesting you're a slag or anything.”

When Lexa finally gets over the laughing matter of the situation, she steps in. “Isn't there a female nurse or something for my friend?”

“I'm afraid I'm all you've got. Unless you want me to page Dr. Griffin.”

“No!” Both girls shout at the same time.

“Ok then.”

* * *

“That was one of the most embarrassing moments of my entire pathetic existence.” Clarke groans and Lexa finally laughs freely joined by Clarke a couple of seconds later.

They were finally outside their homes. Right in the middle of their street, in Lexa’s car.

“You know what? Let's get out of here.” The words come out before Lexa was really aware of them. She just wanted to start her life with her best friend by her side.

“Luna's should still be open.” The corners of Clarke’s full lips tilt up but when she sees Lexa’s frown it makes her backtrack a bit.

“I was thinking more the UK.”

“Oh, you think I should flee the country?” Clarke asks, raising an eyebrow at Lexa’s roaming eyes. “I'm serious.”

“Really?” Clarke’s tone sounds unsure.

“This place is a dead end, we've been saying it for years.” Lexa begins but Clarke turns to face her and Lexa’s words fail her.  “My mom wants me to try for a scholarship at Mount Wallace.”

“You are serious.”

“It's one of the best medical schools in the world. And they happen to have a really great Fine Arts course and a business management course. That is what you want to do, isn't it?” Lexa asks softly, and Clarke’s eyes tell the answer before she even voices it, when she looks at her with happiness. “It is.”

A moment stretches of silence as the two stare at each other, with big goofy smiles on their faces. They slowly inch towards the other, when there’s a knock on Lexa’s side of the car.

Anya’s gruff voice sounds from outside, muffled. “Aren’t you guys coming in?”

* * *

 

“You can't! I mean, who'll do your washing?” Abby protests and Clarke resists the urge to roll her eyes for a second. “You'll never eat! It's ridiculous!”

“They have food in London, Mom, and I'm guessing washing machines.”

“It's so far away! I mean, talk to her, Jake.” Jake for his part gives Clarke an apologetic look and hides his smile behind his cup of tea while Abby goes to the kitchen to make dinner.

“Do you know what your Gran's favorite phrase was?” He asks and Clarke shakes her head. "She used to say ‘not for the likes of us’. And somehow it was the first thing that popped into my head when you said you wanted to go to England. I could practically hear her voice in the room saying it.” Jake says calmly and smiles sadly at her daughter. “I don't want that voice in your head, ever. “

“I want my own gallery one day. Is it crazy to think like that?” Clarke’s says quietly and downcast her eyes to the ground, afraid of what her father would say think of her dreams now.

“You're amazing, Clarke. There's nothing you can't do, if you put your mind to it. And I think you would be perfect for it.”

“But if I go to London, Mom will never speak to me again.”

“Well, if you don't go, I won't. The choice is yours.”

“How Mr. Bennet of you.” Clarke smiles widens and Jake laughs out loud.

* * *

 

Dear Ms. Clarke Griffin,  
            Congratulations. We are pleased to offer you a seat and full ride at Mount Wallace University for this….

Clarke starts reading before shouting excitedly and repeatedly “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”

She got in, she really did so Clarke is beyond ecstatic and the only thing she can do and the only thing she wants to do is share the big news with Lexa.  Her Lexa.  When she sees Lexa’s car on the driveway she doesn’t waste any more minutes before sprinting towards her best friend’s house.

She reaches the door and knocks three times before a bored Anya answers the door and Clarke is not prepared for the older sister of the Woods clan right now.

“Oh, hey, is Lexa in?” Clarke asks and she’s pretty sure that Anya gives her a sympathetic look before her annoyed mask is back on her face and replies. “She's tied up.”

Clarke brow’s furrow because no matter what they always had time for one another even if the other was busy, but she’s too damn excited to let her deter her from being happy and impatient to let her best friend know the good news. “I can come back.”

“She'll be down in about three minutes if you want to wait?” Anya asserts and opens the door wider for Clarke to come in.

“So how have you been? How’s law school treating you?” Clarke begins but a noise that sounds more like a moan is heard all through the house, so when Clarke hears the distant but oh so clearly moans of “Baby! Oh, baby! Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby, show me, come on, baby! Yeah, yeah...” words almost fail her and she turns to see Anya for an explanation.

“Oh, my God, is... Is that?”

“Costia,” Anya says unimpressed and Clarke’s eyes widen marginally.

“So, when you said she was tied up. You actually meant...”

“Tied up.” Anya explains and Clarke’s fists clench and she drops her head subtly, closing her eyes tightly.  “Um, I should go.”

“Any second now,” Anya declares and it wasn’t a second later that they hear Costia shouting out the roofs “Oh, Lexa, where did you learn to do that?"

Clarke can’t help but feel ill about it and all she wanted is to throw up, and she can’t help but to do just that. She grabs a near purse and empties her stomach. Anya stands up and goes to Clarke’s side and offers her a sympathetic rub on her back. “I know. It's so gross.”

“I don’t feel so well.”

“Come on, I will take you home before Costia comes back and kills you for throwing up in her purse.”

“Oh god!”

* * *

 

_“Hi, this is Clarke, I’m not ignoring you Lexa I swear, but if you’re not Lexa then yes I’m ignoring you, so it’s best if you leave your message after the….”_

_“_ Hey sugar, you ok? I haven’t called you that for a long time!” Lexa chuckles, “I haven’t heard or seen you in a while. I’m sending you this voicemail because every time I come by your house, you’re either in the bath or out with Octavia. Should I begin to take this personally? But knowing you, if you had a problem with me you wouldn’t be too shy to let me know all about it right?” Lexa sighs and her tone becomes even softer than before, as if she was afraid of telling Clarke what she felt. “I don’t know, I really miss you Clarke, I miss all our chats and jokes, things aren’t the same without you. Just talk to me Clarke, okay bye.”

* * *

 

**_New Text Messages_ **

**_Clarke_ ** _: Lexa, it’s not because I hate Costia that I’m not seeing much of you (although I do hate her), it’s just that I think Costia dislikes me just a little. It could have something to do with the fact that a friend of hers told her that I wrote about her in that (not so) private instant messaging thingy in class._

**_Clarke_ ** _: I don’t think she likes being called a slut, I don’t know why….some women are just funny like that (emoji with rolling eyes) But I suppose you already know that she’d heard what I said that day._

**_Clarke_ ** _: Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I miss you too._

**_Clarke_ ** _: PS. Please stop calling me sugar._

* * *

After hearing the voicemail and sending the text messages Clarke feels a little bit better, but not completely. She blames the stomach bug she had for the last few days but deep down she knew it’s something else.

She asks Octavia to go with her to the drugstore, and Octavia complies. Having been with Clarke for the past couple of weeks and had a really great time with the blonde is what makes her accept because honestly, she didn’t want to stop.

They stumble upon a not so shady place that is dark and is part a drugstore, part a makeup mechanic shop.

“Hello?” Octavia shouts and not a minute later a slim body appears underneath an old car from the other part of the store. The girl appears with smudge and a smirk on her face and cleans her hands with her flannel. “What can I help you with pretty girls?”

“Aren’t drugstores supposed to be clean?” Clarke asks while eyeing the whole set up the girl has on the place.

“My parents own the place. They want me to help out so I'll set the terms.” The girl shrugs, “What's up?”

“Oh, right. Um, I've been feeling sick like, every day. Maybe you could just give me a pill or something,” Clarke divulges and the girl gives her a once over from head to toe and then grabs a chart nearby and starts asking.

“Any diarrhea?”

“No.”

“Fever?”

“No.”

“Stomach cramps?”

“No.”

“Well, have you missed a period?”

“Yeah.”

After that the raven haired girl grabs a pregnancy test and puts it in front of the blonde but Clarke shakes her head. “Uh, no.”

“So you’re a virgin?” The girl asks with a surprised tone and Clarke looks about to faint.

“No, but I took the morning-after pill,” she urges and Octavia finally grabs her hand and says softly, “90% safe. 10% is the catch.”

“There's a bathroom here if you want to use it,” The girl offers after seeing the two girls with worried faces.

“Thank you, can I?” Clarke hurries to accept and Octavia nods supporting her.

The girl behind the counter gives her a small smile and starts walking towards the back followed by the two girls. “Yeah, right this way.”

While Clarke is inside, the two black haired women wait for her.

“I’m Octavia.” Octavia introduces herself and the other girl smiles at her. “Raven.” Raven for her part is about to ask the blonde’s name when the girl in question yells.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Clarke?” Octavia knocks on the door and Clarke exits with tears on her face and the test with two lines on it.

“Oh honey.”

* * *

**You have an instant message from: Clarke.**

**Clarke** :            Lex, are you there? Can we meet?

**Lexa** :   I'd love to, but Costia's parents are taking us out to dinner at Jaha’s. How posh is that?

**Clarke** :            ~~REALLY! WELL FUCK COSTIA! FUCK HER POSH PARETNS, FUCK JAHA’S – AND FUCK YOU!~~

Clarke deletes the last message and instead just puts ‘Okay. Enjoy the meal’ and closes her laptop.

Clarke feels hopeless, alone and can’t help but feel her world turning around and spinning so fast that she can’t stand. She can’t put her feet on the ground, not when she doesn’t have anything left that could help her stay grounded.

Not the college of her dreams (ok the college of her dreams since a month ago) or the future she wanted for herself and certainly not her best friend anymore.  

Her life is ruined and she’s hopeless and whoever said that hope brings eternal misery, well, they were quite right.

* * *

Clarke has been waiting at Arkadia for almost twenty minutes now for Lexa to finally arrive. Her nerves and the usual morning sickness were all over the place.

She decided the night before that she couldn’t tell Lexa about her pregnancy, not never, just not right now.

Deep in thought she misses her best friend’s entrance and only notices her when she takes a seat in front of her. She holds a big envelope that she knows all too well.

“Um, I've got news,” Lexa says nervously and hands the letter to Clarke, ignoring for now the news that Clarke had for her. “Me, too.”

“Read it,” Lexa tells her and Clarke grabs and starts reading it.

“Scholarship to Mount Wallace! Lexa, that's so great. Congratulations.” Clarke gives her a proud smile but even her eyes can’t convey the sadness deep down in her.

“It's unbelievable, right?” Lexa exclaims. “Have you heard back from them yet?”

“No.” Clarke lies and hopes Lexa doesn’t notice, if she did she definitely has changed if she doesn’t say anything.

“You'll get in,” Lexa asserts and grabs Clarke’s hand in hers for a moment before Clarke retrieves them from the grasp and starts fumbling with the glass of water on the table. She notices Lexa’s pout but she resists.

“What about Costia?” Clarke asks and Lexa frowns. “Have you told her?”

“She'll be fine.” Lexa shrugs.

“Don't you care what she's gonna think about you rushing off like this?”

“All right, what's wrong?”

“What?” 

“Well, you're defending Costia. What is it?” Lexa looks into the avoiding eyes of her best friend for a second before Clarke downcast her eyes towards the table, not being able to look into the green eyes without breaking.  “Nothing, nothing's wrong.”

“Will you at least look at me,” Lexa pleads and Clarke slowly looks up. She has to hold her breath for a second when she sees the worried gaze of her best friend. “I thought you'd be happier. We're on our way to London! Come on!”

“I know it’s great.”

“What, come on, you're coming, too!” Lexa says urgently when she finally sees how conflicted Clarke is. “My flight's in three days, which gives me time to get settled in for us. You need to go ahead and book your ticket so you arrive one day before term starts.”

Clarke musters a real smile and nods. “Sure. I have got some stuff to sort first, but I'll be there.”

“Promise?”

“I’ll always be with you Lex.” It’s not a promise but its close.

* * *

 

“I got in, Anya.” Lexa practically yells to her sister and Anya rolls her eyes. “Of course you got in, you big nerd.” Anya jokes and punches lightly Lexa’s arm.

“Are you sure I’m doing the right thing?” Lexa asks unsure and Anya smiles knowingly. She knows what Lexa is really referring to.

“Don’t worry, you’ll enjoy yourself once you get there and we will come and visit.”

“It just won’t be the same,” Lexa sighs.

“Stop worrying about Clarke,” Anya says calmly, and Lexa turns to look at her about to protest before Anya silences her with just one look. “Her life’s not going to fall apart just because you’re not in the same country even if it is for a few weeks.”

“But she looked I don’t know different.”

“If it’ll make you feel any better I’ll look out for her for you.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” That right there is a promise, but a promise that Anya quite complete.

* * *

Clarke and Lexa are finally in the boarding area. Lexa is holding a small bag with one hand while holding her best friend’s hand with the other.

“Don't get blown up by terrorists,” Clarke urges and Lexa’s big smile doesn’t deter Clarke with the rambling that started since they said their goodbyes to Anya and Lexa’s parents as well as hers before they got in the car.

“Okay.”

“Or lose cabin pressure and fall out of the sky.” Lexa squeezes her hand in reassurance. “Clarke.”

“Wait, wait, wait... Or fly into a flock of birds. I mean it! You know what Sully did but not every pilot has those reflexes.”

“I can delay, if you need me to,” Lexa declares and Clarke is screaming inside telling her not to go, but she couldn’t do that to her friend. “No. You're getting on that plane.” Clarke sighs and Lexa suddenly stops and steps in front of Clarke.

“I've got you something, so close your eyes.” Lexa pleads. Clarke gives her a funny look before Lexa insists again. “Come on, close your eyes and give me your hand.” She grabs Clarke’s hand and keeps it up while Clarke holds a giggle.

“Okay. Keep it there.” Lexa retrieves the ring she bought the other day and puts it on Clarke. The moment Clarke feels the ring she gasps and opens her eyes to see Lexa’s nervous smile.

“It’s lapis lazuli, almost like your eyes,” Lexa tells her nervously. Clarke doesn’t want to ask what it means, afraid of the answer if it’s not what she thinks it means, so she hugs her and Lexa instantly hugs her back.

When Clarke stops hugging her and looks into Lexa’s eyes it takes all of her willpower not to kiss her and ask her to stay and it takes all of Lexa’s not to ruin their moment by kissing Clarke as she holds Clarke’s gaze.

“Keep in touch, okay?” Clarke pulls away, and if Clarke’s kiss on Lexa’s cheek is a little too close to her lips for being appropriate, neither of them mentions it but they don’t forget.

“Okay. See you in two weeks.” 


	3. Part III

**Part III**

**From** : Lexa  
**To** : Clarke  
**Subject** : Hello??

                Clarke are you there? Are you having problems with your e-mail and phone? Please reply. You should be getting on a plane soon to come over here.

* * *

**From** : Lexa

 **To** : Clarke  
**Subject** : Please Clarke?

                Are you mad at me? I’m sorry if I was so persistent of you coming here, I don’t even know if you really wanted. I never asked, I just assumed you wanted to come. What have you been doing all this time? This is ridiculous. Why doesn’t anyone answer the phone when I call?  
                Answer me.

* * *

_Dear Mrs. Griffin._

_Hey Abby, it’s Lexa here. I’m just writing to see if Clarke’s OK. I haven’t heard from her and I was getting a bit worried to tell you the truth. It’s unusual for me not hear from her in so long. Every time I call the house it just goes onto answering machine, are you getting my messages? Maybe you’ve all gone away? Please let me know if everything is OK and tell Clarke to call._  
                Best wishes,  
                Lexa. 

* * *

**From** : Lexa

 **To** : Clarke  
**Subject** : You’re not coming to London??

                Your dad told me today that you’re not coming to London. Please tell me what’s happening. I’m so worried. Did I do something wrong? I am always here for you when you need me.  
                Whatever it is Clarke please know that I will understand and will always be here to help you. Please let me know what is happening, I’m going out of my mind here. If you don’t get in touch with me, I’m booking a flight back to Polis and I’m going to see you myself.  
                Love, Lexa.  
Ps: If my know instead of no wasn’t subtle enough, I consider this to be very serious Clarke. Just let me know you’re at least ok, please.

* * *

“I can’t believe she’s gone O,” Clarke mutters quietly one evening a few weeks later after the last email. Octavia gives her a sympathetic look before rubbing her leg reassuringly before Raven enters the room with a tray.

“If I'd told her, she'd never have left and her whole life would have been ruined, too. I mean, what's the point?” Clarke trails off with a sigh. Raven gives her juice and gives Octavia a beer before plopping down onto the single couch.

“So let me get this straight. You had a girlfriend and she left you without knowing you were pregnant?”

“Yeah,” Octavia says quickly and Clarke rolls her eyes. “No, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s just my best friend.”

“So if she had known, she would’ve stayed?” Raven asks and both Octavia and Clarke nod.

“How noble of her. I'd have forced the bastard that knock you up to stay instead.”

“That's another story, he is just some other loser.” Octavia shares quickly and Clarke glares at her. 

“You are turning out to be a lot more interesting than you look,” Raven quips. “So why don't you just get rid of the thing?”

“My parents are Catholic. I don't believe in all that, but I can't!” Clarke answers dejectedly and huffs in frustration. “I had it all planned. Move to London, study, get a great job, then come back and open a gallery. Then get married and have kids.”

“Wow. A whole life in bullet points,” Octavia says sarcastically and Clarke ignores it. “Yeah, well now, it's pregnant, have sprog, full-time mother, wave goodbye to career, live off benefits, grow fat, lose hair.”

“Yeah, you might as well just destroy yourself now,” Octavia jokes and Raven nods conspiratorially.  “I can sort the drugs.”

“Look Clarke, there's loads of people out there that want a kid that can't have one why don’t you give it away?” Raven explains and it’s like some kind of light in Clarke’s eyes that make her the old Clarke reappear. And for the first time Clarke has hope. She didn’t really thought about the fact that she could give her future baby a real chance of having a good life and have one as well. She looks at Octavia and Raven and sees their encouraging faces.

“I could still move to London and I can apply to college again, or get a job. I don't care. So it would all be the same, just six months later.” Clarke mulls it over and breathes a sigh of relief. “I don't even need to tell Lexa, I could just think of an excuse.”

Raven raises a hand and shakes her head, “Wow, that's major denial, babe.”

“Yeah, you have to tell Lexa. I mean not now but eventually.” Octavia agrees with Raven but Clarke is in another world right now. “I just happen to think it's for the best not to.”

* * *

** _A few months later_ **

**_New Text Message_ **

**_Lexa_ ** _: Clarke, I can’t wait to see you._

_-_

_“_ Who's that?” Abby asks her daughter who is on the couch with a bowl of popcorn on top of her bump while Octavia is beside her and Raven is on the floor.

“Lexa,” Clarke responds while replying to Lexa.

“Have you told her yet?” Abby inquires while taking a seat on the armchair beside her daughter.

“I'm sending her my arrival time in London. That's all she needs to know.”

“All this white lie is gonna catch up with you babe,” Raven says casually, Abby and Octavia nod in agreement but Clarke ignores them.

“Raven is right, you should tell her honey,” Abby says disapprovingly and Clarke whines.

“Whoa! The way that thing burst out of her. That might happen to you!” Octavia jokes. She is referring to the alien that came out of the woman in the movie they were currently watching. “It might. Her whole belly will erupt. Blood and guts. And this freakish alien will leap out and bite your head off!” Raven laughs when Clarke hits her with a cushion.

“Pregnancy is a sacred thing!” Abby ignores the two girls while she brushes her hands on Clarke’s head. Lately it’s the only thing that can get Clarke in a good mood so it’s Abby’s turn to do it.

“It can't hear us,” Raven argues and Abby glares at her. “Yes, it can! And don't refer to it as it.”

“It's a boy if you guys must know,” Clarke admits and Abby stops her movements and gasps. The whole room stays quiet and everyone turns to look at the younger blonde.

“You found out?”

“I asked at the last scan. I thought I should tell the social worker so he can start his plans.” Clarke says nonchalantly but three pair of eyes don’t believe that aloofness for a second.

“A boy! What about names?”

“No, hmm, I'll let the new parents decide.” 

“Give us a peek,” Octavia pleads and Abby gives her a warning look. “A woman's body doesn't become public property just because she is pregnant.”

“Relax Abby, Clarke flashes us every now and then,” Raven laughs and the two other girls laugh as well.

“Be my guest,” Clarke pulls the bowl away and raises her shirt almost all the way that covers the bump. The three women in the room close the distance and they watch as the boy inside kicks Clarke’s stomach constantly.

“Look at that!”

“Oh, my God!”

“He's got hiccups! Little thing's got hiccups!” Abby exclaims while trying very subtly to wipe the tears that were forming in her eyes. Clarke tries to act as if the most amazing thing never happened and tries to act aloof and pulls down her shirt. “Yeah, whatever.”

She decides not to put the bowl back in the top and puts it right by her side, if the three women notice, they choose to ignore it.

They know.

Clarke knows.

* * *

Ever since that moment Clarke can’t stop thinking about the little boy that’s growing inside of her. She spends hours and hours talking to him, giving him advice and she gives him all the love she can until he’s no longer with her.

This night particularly, Clarke is already in bed, trying to get the little man to stop the hiccups.

“Baby, can you hear me? Try holding your breath like this.” Clarke holds her breath and after a couple of seconds she lets it go. She watches entranced as the bump on her stomach stop and she feels breathless and so, so happy. “There you are, Aden!” The slip freezes her and before she can convince herself otherwise she decides that she can’t let him go, that she wants him and needs him just as he will.

“Aden,” Clarke whispers his name over and over again, trying to get used to the name she’s going to say and hear all of her life. “My sweet little Aden, I promise, Aden, I'm going to be a good Mommy.”

* * *

 

It’s not easy, is far from easy, but Clarke makes it work.

She’s not feeling at all at one with nature, she’s not radiating any sort of magical motherly signals, she’s just fat. And bloated. And tired. And sick. And wondering what on earth she’s going to do now that Aden Alexander Griffin is there.

Clarke couldn’t believe that such a tiny little thing could be made only of screaming and wailing bellowing out of his tiny little mouth. She doesn’t know where all the noise comes from. He is the tiniest and most fragile thing she has ever seen, sometimes she’s afraid to hold him, but then he opens his mouth and all hell breaks loose and she doesn’t waste any more time for her to hold him and soothe whatever troubles him, away.

The doctor says he’s colicky.

All Clarke knows is that he doesn’t stop screaming.

 

It amazes her how something so small can be so smelly and again so noisy.

Aden just cries and cries and cries through the night. Clarke has a constant headache. All Clarke does is wander around the house like a robot picking up teddy bears and toys that she trips over. It’s hard for Clarke to bring him anywhere because he just screams and Clarke is afraid people think she’s kidnapping him or being a terrible mother.

She feels like a balloon and all she wears are the most unflattering tracksuits. Her bum is huge and her tits are HUGE.

She wakes up at three am every single night to Aden’s crying. She watches him sleep in the morning. She changes his diaper four to five times a day. But above all of those things she watches him squirm his way into everyone he knows, and the best of all he watches him grow.

* * *

But this night, this night is not her night.

“Aden. Aden. Shh...” Clarke coos but Aden keeps crying. “It's gonna be okay. Please. Aden, it's gonna be okay!” She begs, before her sleepy father enters the room.

“My life's over, Dad!”

“Wait until you become a grandparent,” Jake jokes and takes a seat beside his daughter and grandson. ”Come on, give him to me.” He says while Clarke carefully places Aden on her father’s arms.

Jake starts to hum and sway with Aden in his arms, and not a second later the baby boy falls asleep.

“You know, I still remember the drive back from the hospital when you were born. You screamed the whole journey back and I was so scared, I jumped three red lights. Lost my license,” Jake tells her and Clarke places her head on his shoulder. She closes her eyes for a second. ”You never told me that before.”

“You weren't part of the club.”

“I’m afraid all the time,” Clarke sighs and Jake gives her a sympathetic nod. “Well you’re not alone honey.”

* * *

**Note to self:**

**Do not bounce Aden on knee after feeding.** _(Not when you’re in the middle of an interview for an important job which obviously you won’t get if you keep bouncing Aden and watching him puke onto the owner.)_

**Do not breast feed beside football pitch or in public.** _(So it seems that men are distracted by babies feeding. They’re so stupid that they don’t even know where they going before falling or going straight into a pole. The last one was so funny. *I think he broke his nose.)_

**Do not inhale when changing diapers. In fact allow Mom and Dad or even random strangers to change nappy as often as possible if they so wish.** (If you ever get to see Lexa and you’re mad, do this.)

 **Do not push the stroller by old school for Mr. Big Nose Smelly Breath Titus to see.** (Tell Lexa, Aden puked all over Titus. He deserved it.)

 **Stop crying when Aden cries.** (It’s like he feeds on my misery and actually enjoys crying when I do.)

**Do not try to have conversations with old friends from school with whole lives ahead of them, as this will result in huge frustration. (Especially if it is effin COSTIA)** _(Never freaking assume that trouble isn’t around the corner.)_

* * *

Her trouble was literally just around the corner of Main Street and Tree Street, where Clarke and Aden’s usual route consists.

“Later, girls.” The voice of her so called dread enemy comes from the other side of the road from where Clarke is talking a walk with Aden in his stroller.  It stops Clarke on her tracks and she quickly searches a place to hide or just a place where she can simply be without Costia seeing her.

But it’s too late when Costia scrunches her face and eyes to see if who she really was seeing is Clarke.

“Clarke?” She asks once she walks towards where Clarke is definitely hiding behind the wheels of the buggy.

“Hey Costia, how are you?” Clarke gives Costia a tight smile when Costia gasps and looks down to see Aden.  “Tell me that's not yours!” Costia says condescendingly.

“No!” Clarke laughs uncomfortably and closes her eyes for a second feeling like the worst mother just by denying her child but everyone would understand, because it was COSTIA!

“What, you're a nanny now?” Costia mocks her and Clarke tries everything to maintain calm.

“Yeah! You know, at least it's good money.” She finally stands up and places her hands on the bar of the stroller and grips it dearly.

“Uh, I thought you were going to London with Lexa.” Costia raises her eyebrow and waits for Clarke to tell her what she already knew.

“Oh, no, no. I realized children are the only education you need.”

“So, who's the dad?”

“Does it matter?” Clarke finally gives up and Costia rolls her eyes at how quickly Clarke gave up. Costia kneels down and pokes Aden on his stomach when he decides to grab her hair rather forcefully and yanks it towards him making Costia scream.

“Oh! Get it off! Get it off!” Clarke tries to hold her laugh and decides to let her suffer for a while before she intervenes.

When she thinks it’s enough, she helps Costia.

Costia falls on her back and its then that Clarke decides to put a stop to this rendezvous and goes away. “I've got to go!”

“Bye, then!”

Clarke gloats when she sees Costia still on the ground frowning when she looks back.

If she gives Aden a high five and a big kiss and she sleeps like an angel that night it’s definitely not because of that.

(Ok, it was.)

* * *

Aden is finally taking his daily nap, but Clarke still is anxious about something. She doesn’t get a minute to herself as she hears a knock on the door.

She thinks it’s maybe Raven or Octavia or even her parents who somehow always forget something before going out, but what she doesn’t expect is seeing her best friend on the other side of the door.

She hasn’t seen Lexa in over a year and she’s too surprised to make sense of her at her house, where her son is safely asleep and unaware of what is going to happen.

“Lexa. Wh-what are you doing here?” Clarke manages to say through her nervousness.

“Just back for the weekend, thought I'd surprise you.” Lexa quickly prompts and tries to take a peek inside while Clarke still holds the door close to her so that Lexa doesn’t see the mess inside, meaning the toys and baby clothes that are scampered all through the house.

“Great! Uh, yeah. Let's go for a coffee then,” Clarke says, starting to grab her coat from beside her hanger and thinking of ways she could contact either her friends or her parents to come to the house to watch Aden, before Lexa raises a hand to stop her. ‘Ah! No, no. Let's stay here.” Lexa starts to protest and Clarke’s panicked look returns, but it doesn’t stop Lexa. “Why don't you put the kettle on?” Lexa insists while opening the door herself and enters the house. “So, what have you been up to?”

Clarke tries to hide as she goes to the kitchen most of Aden’s things. “Oh, just this and that, you know? Nice highlights by the way.” She refers to the blonde highlights and the straight hair Lexa is sporting. The curly hair she so long loved was gone but she still looked good.

“Yeah, thanks,” Lexa replies reluctantly. “You okay? You seem stressed.”

“No! No!” Clarke says almost out of breath because of the hiding and the throwing she has been doing all over the hallways, dining room and finally the kitchen where Lexa follows her. “Uh, so, how's medicine?”

“Fascinating.” Lexa hums and grabs something from the baby pile on one of the counters. “We've just been doing obstetrics, in fact.”

Clarke frowns, her mind going a mile per hour not noticing how busted she already was, and how her best friend was waiting for her to slip. “Really?”

Lexa hums, “So how do you find these breast pumps, by the way?” The object that was in her hand swirls, “Some women don't like them.”

“Oh, total nightmare.” The blonde smile wavers as their eyes met, Lexa’s green irises swirl with such a mixture of emotions that Clarke could not pin down a single one. “Oh, God. How did you...” Clarke’s eyes widen and her mouth drops open.

“Costia.” Lexa says simply.

“Fast work,” Clarke says sarcastically but then her anger dissipates as she sees the hurt in Lexa’s eyes. “I was gonna tell you, Lexa, I promise.” Lexa’s fists clench and she drops her head subtly, closing her eyes tightly so that the tears don’t rush. 

“I didn't want to hold you back.” Clarke feels a chill run down her spine as her eyes focus on Lexa’s teary eyes again.

“You did the moment you didn’t tell me Clarke.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you and…” Lexa trials off for a second, feeling a little awkward that she doesn’t even know his name.

“Aden,” Clarke finally smiles a real smile, and Lexa can’t help but forget why she was mad in the first place. “Would you like to meet him?”

“I want nothing more.”

* * *

Clarke has never seen this side of Lexa, and if she would have she would’ve known the big mistake she made when she didn’t tell Lexa the truth.

Lexa approaches her bed carefully and with the gracefulness she always had. She looks at Aden with such softness and amazement that she doesn’t notice the few tears in her eyes. While Lexa settles herself at Aden’s side, she takes the opportunity to wipe the tears and go join the two most important people in her life.

She takes a seat at the other side of Aden and places her hand on his belly, soothing him with small circles.

“He's had colic for months.” Clarke whispers and watches Lexa watch Aden so intently. “My whole life is feeding, winding and nappies and all I can think about is poo.” She chuckles and Lexa holds a giggle. “You know how much, when, what color.”

“I hope you mean his.” Lexa jokes and Clarke smiles as Lexa so fearfully touches Aden’s hand. Instantly he tries to hold it in his tinny hands and Lexa lets him. She finally turns to look at Clarke with a tender smile on her face before turning serious. “What happened to Finn?”

Clarke sighs and looks down, “He miraculously got a job in Ibiza the minute he heard.” Clarke expects Lexa to comment on it but she takes her by surprise by her next request. “Can I be godmother?”

“I'd love nothing more.” Clarke takes a deep breath and she can’t help but now let the tears flow. “Although Raven and O are going to be pissed.”

* * *

“Life is funny isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something, and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you’re lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction. And that’s with following all the signposts.” Clarke trails off for a second, feeling so well she can finally let it out. Lexa is the only person she could tell anything and could get her.

Lexa feels the same, “There aren’t many sure things in life, but one thing I know for sure is that you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. You have to follow through on some things and I know you can, and you already have Clarke.”

“But I always give up, Lexa. What have I ever had to do in my life that really needed to be done? I always had a choice, and I always took the easy way out.”

“We always took the easy way out but we made it work, and you’ve been doing all that by yourself. I for one think that you’re doing an amazing job Clarke.” Lexa grabs her arm and pulls her towards her and Clarke rests her head on Lexa’s shoulder while Lexa puts her arm around her. “I’m scared, everytime he cries, everytime he looks at me with those big blue eyes and I’m so freaking scared.”

“That’s normal, this is a big change.” Lexa voices her thoughts and prepares herself for what she wanted to ask before she even saw her. “I just don’t know why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I was going to judge you or something?”

Clarke stops the little ministrations she was doing on Lexa’s leg and turns to look at her, giving her the advantage of seeing the green irises so close and giving her heart a wild ride. “I think not telling you was…a way to keep the dream alive, you know?”

Lexa frowns and gives her signature puppy and confused eyes. “No, I don’t think I understand Clarke.”

“I wanted at least someone out there to still see me as Clarke and not this strange, new person I've become.”

Lexa’s brow crinkles and she opens her mouth with a sassy remark but holds back before deciding to tell her the truth, “You’re still my Clarke.”

 _My Clarke_ , she likes the sound of that.

* * *

“I thought you said you’d keep an eye on her for me Anya,” Lexa storms into the house and Anya is startled from her slumber on the couch. Now that she passed the bar exam, she’s taking her well-deserved break for a couple of months before joining her mother at the firm.

“Well, hello to you too little sis,” Anya yawns and pats the little spot on the couch for her sister to take a seat, when she sees Lexa with crossed arms and still standing she sighs. “Fine, sorry, she told me not to tell you. How do you feel about it?”

“Everyone keeps asking me that and I have no idea,” Lexa sighs and finally takes a seat on the couch. “It’s weird because I’m not here to help her.”

Anya pats Lexa’s shoulder in reassurance “It’s not your job to do it.”

“I know,” Lexa grabs her phone and stares at the picture on her phone. The picture is one of Clarke and Aden. “But I honestly want to.”

“Then do it Lexa.”

* * *

 

 **From** : Lexa  
**To** : Clarke  
**Subject** : Home.

                It was great to see you, you look amazing! And you are NOT fat! Little Aden was a boy of a few words but I am besotted with him. I almost felt like stealing him and bringing him back over to London.  
                In fact that’s a lie, I really felt like staying in Polis (two weeks weren’t enough). I almost didn’t get back on that flight. I love it here in London and I love studying medicine (If you didn’t noticed by my long talks with your mom, tell her that it worked and thanks btw –she will no what I’m talking about) But it’s not home. Polis is home. Being back with you felt like home. I miss my best friend. (I’m talking about Anya Jk)  
                I’ve met some great people here, but I didn’t grow up with any of them playing grounders and sky people in my back garden. I don’t feel like they are real friends. I haven’t kicked them in the shins (Still sorry about that one), stayed up all night on Santa watch with them, hung from trees pretending to be spies, played married or rehearsed a thousand times your dream proposal (By the way who wants to be proposed on an private art show? Oh yes, you!), or laughed my heart out as their stomachs were pumped (because too much tequila would do that to you, just fyi.) It’s kind of hard to beat that.  
                However I can see that I have already been replaced. That little Aden is your whole world now. And it’s easy to see why. I even loved him when he threw up on Anya’s suit (especially then). That must mean something. It’s weird to see how much he looks like you. What’s that like? He has your twinkling blue eyes (I sense trouble ahead! He’s going to be a ladies man or a man’s man, or just like you, both) and blonde hair and a little button nose. He’s so beautiful.  
                I no that you are incredibly busy at the moment but if you ever need a break from it all, you’re welcome to come over here and relax (I’m talking to Aden now).  
                College is a lot tougher than I thought it would be. There’s just so much studying to do, so much reading. I barely have a social life. I’ve got three years here, then I’ve to do about five to seven years in a general surgical residency so I’m estimating that I’ll be fully qualified in my specialized field (whatever that will be, although I do like obstetrics now) by the time I’m hundred.  
                Anyway, I hope Aden is well and you’re taking care of him and yourself as well.  
                I can’t wait to see you guys again.  
                Love, Lexa.

* * *

So Lexa is back in London, and her apartment is looking a little bit depressing to stay there at the moment. She needs a beer so she goes to the local pub near her place.

Once she’s there she scans the place and smiles faintly when she sees a couple of familiar faces near the stool at the bar that she’s on. But the smile quickly disappears when she thinks of what she left behind.

She didn’t only left her best friend, she left the most amazing kid too and that’s what it’s killing her. She wasn’t lying when she said that she loved Aden with all her heart. She does, so much that it’s making her go crazy.

To think that she spent a year without them and it’s going to take a couple of years before she can be with them it’s making her rethink her choices and the fact that she left them again.

The more she thinks about it, the more depressed she feels.

If it weren’t for the looming figure by her side, she would have considered crying and letting out her sorrows on the counter without anyone noticing, but the figure is there and it chooses to let himself show. “So, the last time I looked that depressed, I tried to hang myself with my favorite tie.” A big bearded man takes a seat on the empty stool. He gives her a strained smile and laughs at his own joke when Lexa looks at him bewildered.

The man extends his hand and introduces himself “Hi, I'm Roan.”

Lexa for her part shakes his hand, “Lexa.”

The guy asks the bartender two pints and turns to talk to Lexa once again. “I’m sorry to disturb your inner demons but I've been sent to play fairy godmother.”

“You don't look the part.” Lexa finally chuckles and Roan sighs nodding. 

“My sister's been driving me crazy. She wants to know if the hot American girl would buy her a drink or two?” He gives the two beers and signals with his head towards the table she saw when she first entered.

“So which one is she?” Lexa asks and Roan doesn’t even have to tell her when the girl in question stands up and walks with intention towards them, and Lexa panics a little inside. “The hot girl from class?”

“Echo, the bright sunflower in the family icy looks.”

Echo stands before them and motions with her hand for Roan to scramble. The boy huffs and waves Lexa goodbye before returning to the table. “Hey! Everybody has been wondering why the cute American girl looks so sad.”

“Sorry,” Lexa says sheepishly and hands Echo one beer and the girl smirks at her. “It's time to realize you're here with us. And that we might be fun to be with.”

Lexa raises her eyebrow and asks haughtily, “And what does this sort of fun entails?”

“Are you prepared for it?”

“I…”

* * *

** _A couple of months later_ **

Clarke thinks that when Aden looks at her he knows that she doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing.

He’s almost walking now, which means Clarke’s running around saying _“No, Aden no!”_

_“Aden do not touch that!”_

_“No! Aden, mommy says NO!”_

Clarke doesn’t think Aden cares about what mommy thinks. Clarke thinks Aden is a boy who sees something he wants and he goes for it.

She really dreads the teenage years!

* * *

Abby has been fabulous.

Aden loves her.

Aden listens to her.

When Abby says “NO Aden!” Aden knows to stop.

When Clarke says it, Aden laughs and keeps going.

* * *

**New text message from** :

 **Lexa** : It’s Aden first Christmas! I hope he got my presents!

 **Clarke** : Thanks for the book, Lexa. I know he'll love it one day.

 **Clarke** : But who gives a kid a book?

 **Clarke** : Judging you.

 **Lexa** : It’s a perfectly good gift Clarke, I no he’s going to appreciate it and the other thing too.

 **Clarke** : I don’t recall you getting any books, given your grammar it’s just awful.

 **Lexa** : You’re just jealous I gave him a better gift than you.

 **Clarke** : UGH! Fine, but who gives a kid a book and a riding toy that’s basically a car!!!

 **Lexa** : I’m offended! It’s not just a car, it’s a Bentley GTC 12V black.

 **Clarke** : HE IS A KID LEXA, HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!!!

 **Lexa** : But it has a remote, so you control it!

 **Clarke** : Fine.

* * *

**New text message from** :

 **Lexa** : How in the hell did you fit in that? Attachment: 1 photo.

 **Clarke** : I’m going to kill Octavia.

 **Clarke** : I was just trying to see if it was safe.

 **Lexa** : So?

 **Clarke** : So when I was in, Raven drove me around and it was fun.

 **Clarke** : Except for the part where she drove me into the table.

 **Clarke** : I have a black eye.

 **Lexa** : I meant: so was it safe?

 **Clarke** : Shut up.

* * *

**New video:**

“Hey Clarke and Aden so this is my new apartment.” Lexa’s voice appears behind the camera. Lexa shows the building first, then the stairs and then the inside of her new home. Lexa shows them room by room before going to the open kitchen. The whole space was an open floor plan, and as she zooms in the kitchen, Echo appears and Lexa talks to her.

“What's this you're doing here, darling?“

“Hmm, handmade hearts.” Echo fakes a smile when she sees Lexa recording her knowing well for who the video was for, she then motions with her hand towards the other side of the room for Lexa to continue the tour.

“And here, we have my favorite Star Wars poster.” Lexa shows next and Echo appears alongside her and takes the poster down. “It would look so special in the bathroom.”

The camera then turns and Clarke sees Lexa rolling her eyes and Clarke chuckles.

Lexa walks further more into a new room and opens up a door that she hasn’t showed them yet. “Ok, this is the guestroom but as you can see,” Lexa points towards the nightstand where a picture of her and Aden is on and then towards the toys scattered on one part of the room. “This will be your room if you guys decide to come.”

Lexa then turns towards the bathroom mirror of the guestroom and looks straight into the camera. “I really can’t wait to see you guys. Merry Christmas!”

* * *

**New Video:**

“Hey Lexa,” Jake’s gruff voice is heard behind the camera. “A promise is a promise so here it is,” The video is set on the backyard where Clarke is with Aden, Indra and Anya, and Abby is on the opposite side of the yard with Octavia and Raven. They look like they’re cheering on Aden.

At first Lexa is confused but when she sees Clarke letting Aden’s hands go, she knows what is about to happen and she can’t help the gasp and the sweet smile that instantly appears on her face.

“Walk to grandma,” Clarke says and Aden stands by himself and takes one careful step after another until he’s practically sprinting towards Abby who catches him and everyone cheers him on.

“Good boy!”

Jake zooms on Clarke, Indra and Anya and Lexa laughs when she notices that Anya is the only one who’s crying.


	4. Part IV

**Part IV**

_ **Years later** _

The Merry-Christmas-card is making Clarke gag. On the front of the card a lovely little picture of Lexa and Echo all dressed up warmly in their winter coats and hats and gloves stands out. They’re standing outside in a yard that’s covered in snow with their arms wrapped around a snowman.

They look so sickeningly happy, that Raven can’t help herself and made a gagging noise while Aden giggles at how funny Raven is.

Aden then tugs on Clarke’s sleeve and with his puppy dog eyes and pout he asks, “Mommy can we send Lexa one of our own?”

That trick never fails and even though she was thinking of doing a Christmas card before, she now definitely wants her kid to be happy and of course show Lexa how happy they are.

“Of course we can.”

* * *

“Lex, you got mail,” Echo screams and Lexa quickly appears by her side. As Lexa tries to take the envelope, Echo keeps a steady hold in it and pries it open before Lexa can protest.

It’s a Christmas card from the Griffin-Reyes-Blake-Woods household. The photo includes Octavia’s brother Bellamy, Octavia’s boyfriend Lincoln and Anya on the background standing. Indra, Gustus, Abby and Jake with Aden on Jake’s shoulders are on the couch while Clarke is hugging both Raven and Octavia on the floor.

Lexa can help but smile at how happy her family is (even without her) while Echo just sniggers and fakes a smile. “Really cute.”

* * *

 

_To Lexa_  
                YOU ARE IVNITED TO MY 9th BRITHDAY PARTY ON MY HOWSE. WE ARE HAVING A MAJICIN. I CANT WAIT. IT IS ON AT 2 O’CLOCK AND YOU CAN LEAVE AT 5 O’CLOCK.  
                                LOVE ADEN.

* * *

 

_Dear Aden,_  
                I’m sorry I can’t come to your birthday party. The magician sounds like he will be lots of fun. You will have so many friends you won’t even no I’m not there! I have to work at the hospital, so they won’t let me take a holiday. I told them it was your birthday but they still wouldn’t listen!  
                However I have sent you a little something so I hope you like it. Happy birthday, Aden, and take care of your mommy for me. She is very special.   
                Lots of love to you and Mom,   
                Lexa.

* * *

 

_TO LEXA,_  
                THANK YOU FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT. MY MOMMY CRIED WHEN I OPENED IT. I NEVER HAD A BYCYCLE BEFORE AND NEVER HAD A LOCKET. THE PHOTOGRAPHS OF YOU AND MOMMY ARE VERY SMALL.   
                THE MAJICIN WAS GOOD BUT MY BEST FRIEND TRIS SAID SHE NEW HE WAS CHEATING AND SHOWED EVERYONE WHERE THE MAN HID THE CARDS. THE MAN WAS NOT VERY HAPPY AND HE GOT MAD AT TRIS. MOMMY LAFFED SO LOUD I DO NOT THINK THE MAJIC MAN LIKED HER EETHER. RAVEN AND OCTAVIA LAFFED TOO BUT NOT AS LOUD AS MOM. TRIS LIKES MOM.  I GOT LOTS OF NICE PRESENTS.   
                I DO NOT KNOW IF MOMMY TOLD YOU THAT WE MOVED HOWSES. I MISS GRANDMA AND GRANDAD SO MUCH AND I NO MOMMY IS SAD BECAUSE I HEARD HER CRYING LAST NIGHT IN BED. BUT WE DIDN’T MOVE TOO FAR AWAY. YOU CAN GET THE BUS FORM GRANDMA AND GRANDAD TO OUR NEW HOWSE. IT DOES NOT TAKE TOO LONG AND WE ARE NEARER TO ALL THE SHOPS IN TOWN SO WE CAN WALK. IT IS MUCH SMALLER THAN THE GRANDPAS HOUSE. MOMMY IS FUNNY SHE CALLS IT A SHOW BOX! THERE ARE ONLY 2 BEDROOMS AND THE KITCHEN IS TINY AND THERE IS NO DINING ROOM OR PLAYROOM.  JUST A PLACE TO EAT AND WATCH TV. WE HAVE A BIG BALCONY AND IT’S NICE BUT MOM WONT LET ME STAND ON IT ON MY OWN.  
                I CAN SEE THE PARK. MOMMY SAYS THE PARK IS OUR GARDEN AND THAT WE HAVE THE BIGGEST GARDEN IN THE WORLD WHERE I CAN PLAY SOCCER ALL THE TIME WITHOUTH BREAKING ANY MORE OF GRANDMAS WINDOWS.   
                MOMMY HAS A NEW JOB. SHE WORKS ONLY A FEW DAYS IN A WEEK SO SOMETIMES SHE CAN COLLECT ME FROM SKOOL AND OTHER TIME SHE CANT. I PLAY WITH TRIS UNTIL SHE COMES HOME. HER MOM ALWAYS BRINGS HER HOME BECAUSE THEY SAY WE ARE TOO YOUNG TO GET THE BUS. I DON’T THINK MOM LIKES THAT SHE HAS A BOSS. SHE WANTS TO BE THE BOSS. SHE’S PAINTING TOO AGAIN.  
                ME AND TRIS HATE SKOOL BUT SHE ALWAYS MAKES ME LAFF. MOMMY SAYS SHE IS TIRED OF HAVING TO KEEP GOING BACK TO MY TEACHER MR. TITUS. GRANDMA AND GRANDAD THINK IT IS FUNNY AND THAT’S KARMA FOR HER. I DON’T NOW WHO KARMA IS. MR. TITUS HAS THE BIGGEST NOSE EVER. HE HATES ME AND TRIS. I DO NOT THINK HE LIKES MOM EETHER BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS FIGHT WHEN THEY SEE EACH OTHER. I ONCE HEARD HER SAY TO HIM THAT HE WAS AN UGLY AND BOLD ALIEN. IT WAS FUN.   
                WE ALWAYS SPEND TIME WITH AUNTIE RAVEN AND OCTAVIA AND I LIKE LINKON AND BELLAMY THEY MAKE ME PLAY BALL WHEN THEY HERE. AND I ALWAYS LOVE WHEN AUNTIE ANYA COMES TO VISIT. I ALWAYS FIND IT FUNNY WHEN SHE GETS INTO A FIGHT WITH MOMMY OR WHEN SHE’S SUCKING FACE WITH RAVEN (BUT NO ONE NOWS, SO YOU HAVE TO KEEP QUIET.)  
                WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO SEE US? MOMMY SAYS YOU ARE DATING A GIRL NAMED ICE BIMBO AND YOU CAN ALWAYS HEAR ECHOS ON HER EMPTY HEAD. THAT’S A FUNNY NAME AND A FUNNY HEAD.  
I MISS YOU.  
                LOVE, ADEN.

* * *

 

“Rae, I just feel like the walls are closing in on me. I’m only 26 and I feel like I’m 50,” Clarke groans and Raven chuckles and pats her back. “Roughly 43,” Raven jokes and Clarke glares at her and stands up from the couch. “I’m glad I moved out, but this is really though.”

“You know that if you need any help, you can ask O,” She laughs when Clarke decides to grab a cushion and hit her with it. “You needed to be independent. This is great for you Clarke. You have a great job at Kane’s gallery and you got this new house and you started painting again.”

“I know, but this is happening so fast. Raven! Aden is starting school again, he will be meeting new people and beginning his life and I have left mine behind.” Clarke groans. “And you know the worst part of all, is that there’s this huge divide between me and Lexa right now because I feel like we’re living in such different worlds, I don’t know what to talk about with her anymore. And we used to be able to talk all night. She phones once a week and I listen to what she’s been up to during the week and try to bite my tongue every time I go into another Aden story. Truth is I have nothing other to talk about but him and I know it bores people.”

The corners of Raven’s lips tilt up and she sighs dramatically. “You don’t bore me.”

“I think I used to be interesting once upon a time.” Clarke drawls and Raven grins, she could tell that Clarke was finally over her bad mood and her playful side was beginning to show. “I think you’re interesting now.”

“Yeah, you just need to see my miserable life to put yours into perspective,” Clarke says causing Raven to laugh at her. “Did I tell you that Kane showed me the magazine where they mentioned the gallery?”

Raven seems to think back to that conversation, but she decides it never happened and it was again only in the fidget of Clarke’s imagination. “No, but continue.”

“Do you know who is on the cover?” Clarke groans as she remembers shredding apart in a fit of rage the magazine while Kane watched horrified. “Freaking Costia!”

The brunette really wants to laugh but she decides that Clarke has enough already so she goes with the next best course of action, getting Clarke some. “You know what Clarke, I think you need to get laid,” Raven declares and quickly grabs her phone and sets up a ladies night for that night, showing Clarke her plans.

Clarke can’t remember the last time she had a drink. She can’t remember the last time a guy or a girl even looked at her way. (Except for the people who glare at her angrily in cafes when Aden starts to scream.) She can’t even remember the last time she even cared about someone not staring at her. 

So Clarke nods, “Ugh I think so too.”

/

Now that she has Raven helping her maybe it was time for her to be free. And free she is when she meets the perfect no-strings attached girl, Nylah, a couple of weeks later.

* * *

Aden didn’t sleep at all, his nerves were over the roof and he kept hearing weird noises the whole night. He thought maybe it was a dying cat that their old neighbor lady had but as he approached the window that morning he saw the cat perched on the porch.

He’s ready, he’s more than ready with his uniform and his backpack and the little lunch he prepared for himself. But problem Is his mother isn’t.

“Mommy, Mommy! It's the first day of school again!” He shouts loudly into the room he just opened. And he not only startles Clarke but also her companion.

The woman starts to dress herself while Clarke struggles with her handcuffed hand that’s attached to the bedpost of her bed. Aden looks at her funny and Clarke finally turns to see him already ready and groans internally when she sees the hour on the clock.

“Um...I heard some beds were being stolen recently. Isn't that strange?” Clarke asks and Aden nods and giggles. “Yes, Mommy.”

The other girl in the room searches frantically for the key while Clarke tries to distract Aden from watching Nylah. “This way, no one can come in and steal ours.”

So Aden is a kid, but that doesn’t mean he’s dumb, so he only hums an ‘mmm’.

“Are you my other mommy?” Aden blurs out of nowhere and Nylah stops cold and laughs awkwardly. Clarke’s cheeks turned red. “No! No, she's just a nice woman that's helping Mommy out a bit, that's all.”

“Damn!” Nylah curses and Clarke gives her a look, and she mouths sorry. When she finally finds the set of keys, she returns to bed already half-way dressed and tries with the lock. Clarke hears her groan and curse mildly and quietly into the action. “What?”

“It's the wrong key!” Nylah says nervously and Clarke watches her life pass her by. “Shit.”

So Clarke has been counting the moments where she screwed up. Until now, the count is: 307 times.

After panicking for half a second Nylah suggest Clarke to take the bedpost with her until she returns from the station with the set of keys. Since Aden was pacing and shouting for Clarke to hurry up, she decides it’s the best option. Her attempts to dress herself were poor and the breakfast she prepared for Aden and Nylah was also to be desired.

Once they part ways with the other blonde, Clarke rushes out of the door with Aden and the bedpost.

She miscalculates some things and she ends up hitting Aden on his head with the bedpost and he exclaims. “Ow! Oh! My head mom!”

“Come on! Sorry.”

They fortunately arrive just in time. Just in time to see parents whispering and older kids giggling and laughing while Clarke says goodbye to her kid.

It’s not easy to watch Aden go, but over time she got used to it. The best part of their goodbyes were they were part ways with an “I love you,” and an “I love you too.”

* * *

Lexa is sipping her wine when she hears the mock on her girlfriend’s voice. “You dreamt you were an inanimate object?”

“Yeah, I mean, come on. A spear flying through the air! That's pretty cool.” Lexa chuckles and Echo just raises her eyebrow and narrows her eyes at her. “I don't understand. How can you be a thing?”

Lexa screws her eyes shut at the mocking tone and decides to let it go, “I don't know. I've always had dreams like that.”

“It sounds to me like self-esteem issues, sweetie. You may need to talk to someone.” Echo tells her. She wipes down the plates on the sink rather loudly and stares at Lexa who keeps acting so casually while she makes everything. “You know, there is hair in the bathroom, again today.”

“Really?” Lexa manages to choke out, trying to refrain herself of snapping.

“You know it gives me allergies.” Echo retorts with her voice dripping with venom. “You know next time you have one of your weird dreams, maybe you should dream you're something useful like a vacuum cleaner.”

Lexa replies grunting, “We have a cleaning lady.”

“What do you want? For her to think we're a pair of fuck-ups?” Echo yells and Lexa’s jaw clenches and she drops her head subtly, closing her eyes tightly before giving up. She stands and throws the glass on the sink and leaves Echo alone after she yells back “That's exactly what we are.”

* * *

It was one of those sunny days outside so Clarke decides to take Aden to the beach. Once they get there, they meet up with Lincoln and Octavia who were taking a stroll down the beach.

Aden immediately takes off to play with Lincoln and Octavia, while Clarke watches. Her focus is quickly discarded from the game towards her phone when she feels it vibrate on her pocket.

_**New Text Message from** :_

**Lexa** : I dreamt I was a spear.

**Lexa** : The little metal bit right at the tip of a spear whizzing through the air and towards this woman.

**Lexa** : Ok, it was Echo’s mom Nia but I woke up before it reached her.

**Clarke** : What did it feel like?

**Lexa** : Weird

**Clarke** : Don’t worry, you always have dreams like that : )

**Lexa** : I miss you Clarke. Please come visit, ok?

Clarke smiles gets bigger and bigger when she thinks more and more about her plans, because after all she needs a vacation. Yeah, she definitely needs it.

* * *

Not a day later Raven is dropping her off at the airport while Aden bounces excitedly in the back seat.

“What have you told the poor brat?” Raven looks at Aden through the rearview mirror and Clarke rolls her eyes and laughs. “That you coming home with his other mother?”

“No! Just that she sent me a ticket. I've got no expectations.” Clarke grabs her two suitcases from the trunk while Raven carries Aden in her arms.

“Well, good, because she's got a girlfriend.” Raven reminds Clarke. Truth to be told she was a little bit worried about her friend.

“Lexa doesn’t love her girlfriend,” Aden says so surely and Clarke pinches his cheek in appreciation. “You know it's funny, her name didn't come up once when she was planning my trip there, maybe they broke up.”

“Yeah, well, Aden's mature enough to know that when it comes to those types of relationships they have, it doesn't matter.” Raven says sarcastically and Clarke rolls her eyes. “Yeah, well, Aden also knows that something must have triggered Lexa’s sudden enthusiasm to see me, who, by the way, knows her better than anyone, and I’m clearly the best person to judge!” Clarke retorts and Raven laughs along with Aden who doesn’t know why he’s laughing but he is.

Clarke then takes Aden from Raven’s arms and embraces him until he’s almost out of breath. “You be a good boy for Raven and Anya, ok? And grandma is picking you up tomorrow don’t forget.”

“Yeah mommy,” Aden mumbles into her shoulder and squirms away until Clarke puts him down and it’s Raven’s turn for a hug.

“Don’t burn the house down, and don’t set anything on fire Rae,” She warns her and Raven shrugs nonchalantly. “I make no promises.”

“Ok, see you in a week.” Clarke then turns around and it’s halfway through the door when she hears Raven yell at her. “Bye, and use protection.” 

“Like a helmet?” Aden asks and Raven laughs out loud at his innocence.

“Exactly a helmet.”

* * *

Clarke lets out an excited squeal, pushing herself off hundreds of people and flinging herself into Lexa’s arms, and Lexa receives her with a loud, surprised laugh.

“It’s so good to see you!” Lexa smiles at her and Clarke is already disarmed by the charming smile. “So, tired? Hungry?” Lexa asks while taking the suitcases from her hands. Clarke turns to see her for more details and when she sees Lexa smirk, she raises her eyebrow and asks. “No. Why?”

/

They end up at a party, with incredible loud music, and drunken posh people and Clarke can’t be happier than she is right now.

Dancing with Lexa is one of Clarke’s favorite things in the world. A dancing Lexa is a fun Lexa. 

“Do you want another?” Lexa tries to speak up, given that the loud music didn’t let them talk much. She motions the beer in her hands and Clarke nods and hands her the empty bottle.  “Um, yeah, thank you.”

“All right. I'll be back, okay?” While Lexa ventures the sea of sweating and dancing bodies towards the bar, Clarke stands still and waits for her until a guy approaches her.

He was average, brown hair and all round seemed like a douchebag but Clarke was going to be civil at least. “So, you're new here.” Clarke nods and searches for her friend through the crowd.

“I'm Cage,” The boy extends her hand and Clarke shakes it politely. “Clarke!”

“Clarke?” The boy stares at her weirdly and keeps going this time a lot closer to her. “So what do you do, Clarke?”

“I'm a mom!” Clarke replies in his ear and he chuckles.  “Is that some kind of, uh, performance thing? You're a drama major?”

“I'm a mother of a 7-year-old boy!” Clarke watches as the guy’s face falls into a frown and a panicky look, like if he was going to be responsible of the kid if he continued to talk to her.

“Cool! Cool!” He decides to point towards the bar and slowly as he can he backtracks his steps and pretends to go in search of drinks for them “Can I get you a drink or something?”

When Lexa returns and gives Clarke her drink, the guy releases a safe sigh and Lexa just rolls her eyes and pushes him to go away, which he does immediately.

“A gin and tonic.” Lexa hands the drink to a relieved Clarke. “You’re ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine,” Clarke reassures her and takes a sip of her drink and looks around the party.

Just as she’s about to ask Lexa something, she sees four girls with mischievous smiles on their faces come behind Lexa.

One of them grabs Lexa by her waist and the other grabs her hanging legs. The other asks “Phone? Car keys?” And Lexa knows what’s going to happen right there and then.

She tries to wiggle herself out of her friends hold and laughs. “Oh, no. Come on. No, no, no!”

“It’s payback Lexa,” One of them giggles and takes at least Lexa’s shoes off.

“Come on, come on! Come on! Please!” Lexa pleads.

“It's gonna happen!”

Lexa squeals and watches an amused Clarke try to hold her laugh as she throws her head back.

“One, two, three!”

“Okay, okay!”

“Clarke, Clarke, come on, come...” By the time Clarke hears a splash and a grunting Lexa in the pool, she smiles at the girls who hurriedly disappear through the crowd, knowing Lexa would get them back for it.

“Can you give me a hand?” Lexa innocently asks. She extends her hand towards Clarke who narrows her eyes at the hand but doesn’t think twice about helping her friend. She tries to pull her towards the ground, when she no longer feels it herself as Lexa pulls her into the pool. 

Clarke manages to resurface from the water with her mouth open and an angry glare at Lexa who laughs at her appearance and raises her hands in apology. “Come on! I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just had to.”

Clarke has this twinkle in her eye that Lexa knows it’s not a good sign. Clarke slowly but skillfully approaches Lexa and grabs her by her shoulders and dumps her into the water again, laughing when Lexa tries to do the same with her.

The tug war last for at least ten minutes before they both gasping for air and laughing at each other. The water reaches them to their hips so their upper part is exposed to the cold air and Lexa wiggles her eyebrows as she looks down to Clarke’s chest and says, “You're looking way too hot right now, Clarke.” Clarke looks down and covers her chest and when she looks back towards Lexa she sees a small blush on her cheeks and decides to tease her about it.

“Like what you see?” Clarke sultry voices goes straight to Lexa’s core. She rolls her eyes and scoffs pretending that Clarke’s comment didn’t bring such a reaction to her body and soul.

“Come on, we have to go.”

* * *

And so it goes: In the park near Lexa’s house, in the grass that’s almost or as green as Lexa’s eyes. On a quiet sunrise, after spending the whole night and part of the early day together, they lay on the grass, with Lexa on her back and Clarke’s head on her shoulder, save for the soft elaborate breaths –they’re so close that they almost taste each other’s lips as they talk in the quietness of it all.

“You know is strange to think that I could have lived here and been part of it. But I don't regret Aden, you know?” Clarke relies on the thought of her kid, her amazing and incredible son, that’s probably about to go to sleep in the other side of the world. Lexa agrees and when she realizes that Clarke can’t know what she’s thinking she so subtly nods.

“I mean, how could I? He's the most amazing kid.” That gets a smile out of them and Clarke shifts her body as well as Lexa and they possible get closer together. “The weird thing is that he reminds me more of you than Finn. That's probably just 'cause I love him.”

The intensity of the moment is not lost on them. The silence that overtakes that statement and the constant glances between their lips and their eyes are enough to appear as if the world stopped turning in that instant. Like everyone around them were wiped out. Like everything at home was forgotten about and it’s like those few minutes on the world were created just for them and all they could do is look at each other and inch closer and closer so that their lips are just inches apart from connecting and whipping out for good their surroundings.

But just like that the spell is broken.

Lexa is the first to create the much dreaded distance between them only by whispering “We should go.”

/

The spell was already broken by the time Lexa decided not to kiss her (for some reason that Clarke was adamant to find out) but if Clarke had a little bit of hope then, well it’s completely crushed by meeting Lexa’s girlfriend Echo who was not so patiently waiting for them at the threshold of Lexa’s apartment door.

So pictures and videos didn’t do justice on Echo. She is way beautiful than Clarke expected her to be and the more she stares at her, the more she knows how out of her league Clarke is for Lexa and the real reason why Lexa pulled apart. She can’t compete with that. That being Echo in a black crochet-trim sleep romper donning a lace robe over her sculptured body.

“Echo, Clarke. Clarke, Echo.” Lexa makes the introductions and both Echo and Clarke refrain the roll of their eyes, because they know who the other person standing between Lexa and them is. “Good morning.”

“Hi.” Clarke offers lamely and Lexa clears her throat and takes the suitcase from Clarke’s hands. “Let me show you to your room.”

Echo steps in and grabs the bag from her and pecks Lexa on the lips. “Don’t worry I will. Why don’t you go shower, you look like you need it honey.” Lexa pinches her nose in reluctance but decides not to fight Echo and shuffles away but not before giving Clarke a ‘behave and I’m sorry look’

“So this is your room,” Echo drops the suitcase in a corner and smoothes out a nonexistent crease on the bed. “I’m sorry we didn’t have time to prepare the room for your sudden arrival.”

Clarke only dismisses her by a nod. “It’s fine.” The room looks pristine but she doesn’t comment on that and simply rolls her eyes internally.

“I suggest you take a shower as well before breakfast, you don’t look so clean.” There’s clear distaste and frustration on her voice while she massages her temples and Clarke fakes a smile knowing what is going through Echo’s head. “Yeah, I guess. Lexa and I-“ She stops to gauge Echo’s expression who presses her lips together and narrows her eyes at her. “We did a lot of things so I guess I should take a shower as well.”

A moment stretches of silence as the two stare at each other, coming to an impasse, when there’s the distinct yell of distress from Lexa, who is looking for something, and the moment between them pass and when Echo leaves, Clarke only slumps back into the comfortable bed and groans into the pillows.

So far, Clarke has managed to not only leave a bad impression on her best friend’s girlfriend by insinuating things that weren’t there and by bringing Lexa at the wee hours of the morning, but she also managed to screw up when she tried to kiss said best friend and of course there’s the fact that she misses her kid so much.

She doesn’t know what she’s going to do for the rest of the weeks.

* * *

Echo takes her seat after handing each people on the table their food.

It’s been nearly four days since Clarke arrived and this was the first night that she actually had to spend time with Echo and her brother Roan, having a quiet dinner opposed to the scenery that Lexa took her out to the time they had spent together.

Clarke widens her eyes when she sees her plate. “Wow. This should be in a museum.” She comments but Echo misses her sarcasm while Lexa hides her smile on her napkin, knowing Clarke’s teasing and the fact that her girlfriend doesn’t quite catch it. “Oh, it's nothing. Just quail egg and asparagus in filo pastry with a cream of rocket sauce.”

Roan chooses that moment to pour the wine on the glasses and when he’s about to pour into his sister glass, she reproaches him with a dirty look. “Oh, you know I can't drink.”

Roan rolls his eyes and clips his tongue and Lexa freezes for a moment knowing what is coming next.

“Of course,” Roan apologizes and puts more alcohol on his drink. “How are we going to cope without the numbing haze of alcohol?”

Clarke of course doesn’t miss this exchange and after looking at her best friend who is trying to avoid her stare she directs her question to Echo. “Why can't you drink? If that's not a rude question.”

Lexa’s fists clench and she drops her head subtly, closing her eyes tightly before she straightens in her seat when Echo voices her name in a disapproving manner “Lexa?”

“What?” Clarke asks calmly and Lexa flinches ever so slightly.

“Didn't I…” Lexa trails off and looks between Echo and Clarke.

“Lexa and I are trying to conceive and it looks like it’s finally happening.” Echo volunteers immediately and Lexa’s jaw clenches showing her frustration, while Clarke looks at her sideways, and stares at Lexa in disbelief.  “That's wonderful. Congratulations.” Clarke feels her heart beating out of her chest from the news and finally looks at Lexa who’s still avoiding her look. “Lexa, you didn't tell me.”

“No, I... Sorry, I thought I did.” Lexa offers lamely and Echo can’t stand the puppy eyes, the sad and crestfallen face that the best friends were giving at each other so she manages to change the conversation as if dismissing the colossal shift between the two friends after that revelation.

“We have Cage's vernissage in an hour, why don’t we get ready for that instead,” She stands up and offers Lexa her hand. “Lexa can you come please, we need to speak in private.”

/

“How can you not tell her?” Echo screams at her the minute she closes the door of their bedroom. Lexa looks guilty and ashamed.

“I don’t know, it’s just didn’t came up,” she offers lamely and Echo rolls her eyes.

“You spent a couple of days together, alone may I add, and you didn’t even think that it was worth to mention that your girlfriend was waiting for you at home with possibly our future child!” Her nostrils flare and Lexa takes a couple of steps back.

“I’m sorry, I really am.”

“You better be,” Echo finishes. Lexa moves towards her but Echo stops her right on the spot. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. So why don’t you just get ready now.”

* * *

Lexa finally gets a moment alone after being introduced to everyone at the gallery and she scurries to find Clarke. She’s standing by one of the abstract but weird paintings by the door when Lexa approaches her. “I'm so sorry. Echo had this planned for weeks. It's not for long, okay?” Clarke turns to look at her and gives her a look. “I promise.”

Just as Clarke is about to say something Echo appears out of nowhere and takes Lexa by the arm and points somewhere behind them.  “Sweetie? Dr. Nyko is by the sweet and sour prawn balls! Look, he's just...”

“Sweetie, not now. Okay?” Lexa dismisses her and gives Clarke a sorry look, but Echo protests. “But he's a senior thoracic surgeon,” She emphasizes and looks at Clarke for help who nods reluctantly. “Lexa, she's right. Go on.”

“Okay, let's go.” Lexa offers Echo a tight smile and doesn’t look back to where her best friend is left for the tenth time that night.

Clarke for her part doesn’t mind it all; the feeling of despair and loneliness is long gone replaced by anger and wistfulness of returning home. Clarke thought of Lexa as part of her home but now, now she knows she’s no longer the Lexa she once knew and she’s helpless about it.

She’s brought back to the present when Cage the artist himself (the douche at the party) makes a wild appearance and starts to talk about his pieces. “This image here is one of my favorites. How to articulate that transient moment when you see something through the camera's eye.”

Clarke sighs and keeps on listening.

“It's a little like love at first sight. Stops you in your tracks. Suddenly you recognize it for exactly what it is.” Cage makes a pause to deliver some tension and Clarke interrupts him when she lets out, “A load of bullshit.”

Everyone turns to look at her surprised and Cage narrows his eyes and glares at her. Motioning with his hands for her to go away and that’s the moment she decides that she’s had enough.

“Clarke! Clarke, where are you going?” Lexa yells following Clarke out of the gallery and into the cold night.

“Back home,” Clarke yells back. She doesn’t turn to see her friend but she knows she’s following her. “And I mean Polis. This is too crazy for me, okay? I walked straight into the middle of something here!”

Lexa finally catches up to her and grabs her arm. “Look, it's all fine, honestly. Echo and I just needed to air some stuff!” Clarke yanks her arm out of Lexa’s grip, quite violently, Lexa glares at her in disapproval and Clarke holds Lexa’s glare with a one of her own. “Oh, good, I'm glad you're fine, 'cause I'm not! We were out together the whole night, Lexa! And all the while your girlfriend was at home worrying about if she’s having a baby!” Clarke’s tone is harsh and cold. “And the worst part of all is that you didn't say anything!”

“Come on, Clarke. Nothing happened, we were just... We were just having some fun.” Lexa trails off for a second, feeling a little awkward by the lie. 

“That's what you got me over here for then? Just some fun?” Clarke feels a run down her spine as her eyes focus on Lexa again and sees that the mask on her best friend is up.

“I wanted to see you, you're my best friend!” Lexa’s expression softens noticeably, but Clarke takes a step towards her best friend. “Or maybe you needed someone from your old life to point out the truth!” Lexa tenses, visibly, and Lexa finds herself stepping back. “What truth?”

“You're in a mess, Lexa! This whole situation is one big fucking mess!” Clarke motions to the gallery where she knows Echo is, where Lexa’s posh friends are, and where Lexa’s head and heart are.

“Me? I'm in a mess?” Lexa’s voice is laced with newfound disbelief and angriness.

“Yes and you're in denial. You’re not happy!”

“You're projecting!” 

“Okay, can we just stop the psychobabble here and just talk like normal people, please!”

“Fine, I was worried you might find it hard, you know, coming here.”

“Hard?”

“I mean, you've had a tough time, Clarke, and seeing where we live, you know, our apartment, our lifestyle, it's just...” Lexa tells her and Clarke raises her hand to stop her. “You thought I was jealous of you? No. I pity you, Lexa! All I see is someone compensating for a crap personal life by schmoozing her way up the career ladder and for what!”

“Crap personal life?” Lexa chuckles coldly, “All right, let's see. Um, stable relationship with beautiful girlfriend, lots in common, a great circle of friends, a kid maybe on the way, who's going to have two parents, by the way, who are going to be there and be better than just one!” It’s out so quickly that Lexa barely has time to register what she said and Clarke visibly pales, like Lexa had just slapped her. “Clarke, come on, I’m...”

“Forget it, Lexa! Go ahead and be fucking miserable!” Clarke manages to choke out despite the tears and her broken heart.

“You know, I will!” Lexa snarls.

“Just don't come whining to me when you realize you're empty inside.” Clarke says and Lexa winces. “I won’t even have to.”

Clarke walks past Lexa and keeps walking when she yells “Good!” and she flips Lexa.

Lexa screams back, “Excellent!”

And just as always Clarke has the final word and disappears with a single “Fantastic!”

Lexa stands in the sidewalk and she’s so mad that she wants to punch something so she does and that’s when she learns not to punch a tree again, ever in her life.

A broken knuckle and a broken heart later, she knows she screwed up.

* * *

_**New instant group message from**_ : Tavia and Rae.

**Octavia** : Hey, you’re not answering your phone.

**Raven** : We know you’re there Clarke, we can see that you’ve seen our messages!

**Raven** : OK I’m going to stalk you until you reply.

**Raven** : Helloooooo!

**Octavia** : Clarke come on!

**Clarke** : Hey

**Octavia** : Well hello there. Why do I get the feeling that I was being ignored?

**Raven** : Yeah Clarke what’s up.

**Clarke** : Sorry, I was not in the mood to speak to anyone.

**Octavia** : I suppose we can forgive you.

**Raven** : Talk about yourself, I haven’t.

**Octavia** : Raven!

**Raven** : What?! Ok, fine. I forgive you too, but only if you tell us how was the trip to London?

**Clarke** : It was fine. Lexa showed me around everywhere, I hadn’t had a minute to spare while I was over there, she really took care of me.

**Octavia** : As she should. So where did you go?

**Clarke** : She showed me around Mount Wallace so I could see what it would have been like for me to study there and it was so fabulous. It was perfect, and it was so romantic and magical and beautiful…

**Octavia** : It sounds great.

**Raven** : So you liked it then.

**Clarke** : Yeah, I liked it.

**Raven** : Can you be more excited please! *rolls eyes*

**Octavia** : I know there has to be some exciting story here! There’s never a dull moment when you two are involved.

**Clarke** : I’ve nothing interesting to tell you guys.

**Octavia** : So how is Lexa? How does she look? I haven’t seen her in a while.

**Clarke** : She looked really well. She’s got a slight British accent although she denies it. But she’s Lexa. As “lovable” as usual. She really spoiled me though for the entire week. She didn’t let me pay for a thing, she brought me out somewhere new every night, and it was good to feel free for a while.

**Raven** : You are free, Clarke.

**Clarke** : I know that, but you guys also know that I’m not really free. I just don’t fell it sometimes. Over there I felt like I hadn’t a care in the world. Things felt so good and it was almost as if every muscle in my body relaxed the moment I landed there. I haven’t laughed so much in years. I felt like an 18-year-old. I haven’t felt like that much lately. I know this probably sounds weird but I felt like the me that I could have been.

**Clarke** : I like that I didn’t have to look out for somebody else while I walked down the streets. I didn’t have the fifty near hear attacks per day that I usually get when Aden goes missing or puts something in his mouth that he shouldn’t. I didn’t have to dive onto the road and hold him back just in time from being hit by car. I like that I didn’t have to give out, correct people on their pronunciation or make threats. I liked laughing at a joke without my sleeve being tugged at and being asked to explain. I liked having adult conversations without being interrupted to cheer and applaud a silly dance or the learning of a new thing. I liked that I was just me, Clarke, not mom, thinking just about me, talking about things I liked, going places I liked to go without having to worry about washing smelly soccer clothes, or feeding a bottomless stomach or sleepy-head tantrums. Isn’t that awful?

**Raven** : It’s not awful Clarke. It’s good to have time to yourself but it’s good to be back with Aden, isn’t it?

**Clarke** : Yes, and that’s the thing I wouldn’t give up the life I have now for that life. I guess I was just trying to be someone I’m not, but the one thing I didn’t pretend is my love for Aden and my love for my parents and you guys.

**Octavia** : Clarke…

**Raven** : We know you came back a couple of days ago, so what really happened? We know you didn’t really enjoy it.

**Clarke** : I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.

**Raven** : Oh come on, Clarke.

**Octavia** : Seriously, have you met us?

**Clarke** : It’s not really worth mentioning. It’s was just time to go.

**Octavia** : Did you and Lexa have a fight or something?

**Clarke** : We did.

**Octavia** : ???

**Raven** : What happened?

**Clarke** : No, too embarrassing to explain.

**Raven** : Come on.

**Clarke** : I just made a show of myself one night.

**Raven** : Oh don’t be silly, I’m sure she’s seen you make a show of yourself in your lifetime. We all have.

**Clarke** : No, this was different. I kind of threw myself at her and then three days after I told her that she was a mess and that I didn’t recognize the shallow person she’s become and that I wouldn’t be there when eventually her life falls apart, because it will. Guys their relationship is so messed up, I just…

**Octavia** : Oh Clarke, it’s going to be okay. You don’t need drama anyway.

**Raven** : O, shut up. WHAT DID YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU THREW YOURSELF AT HER?

**Clarke** : Of course that’s the only thing you focus on Raven!

**Octavia** : Wait! Did you and Lexa….?

**Raven** : You know what don’t answer that. We’re coming over.

**Octavia** : We are?

**Raven** : Yes, we are. See you in a bit Clarke.

**Clarke** : Fine.

/

“So what happened?” Octavia asks impatiently while taking a sip of her wine. Aden was finally asleep and Clarke was finishing the bottle of wine by the time the girls arrived.

“I tried to kiss Lexa,” Clarke groans at the memory and gulps down what was left on her cup.

“And?” This time it was Raven who is the impatient one.

Clarke sighs and grabs a pillow and hides behind it when she tells her friends what happened. “She turned me away.”

“What!?” Both girls shouted, and Clarke glares at them and motions with her finger to stay quiet.

Octavia nods and then says very quietly but very threatening “Are you serious? I’m going to kill her.”

“No, you won’t O.” Clarke points a finger to Octavia in warning.

“So do you mind that she didn’t kiss you?” Raven inquires and she looks at Octavia for any sign of screw up or something. Clarke just looks between them before her eyes downcast to the floor. “The unsettling thing is that yes I do, because I know she wanted to.”

“I’m sorry Clarke,” Octavia places her cup down and goes to the single seat where Clarke is and hugs her sideways. “I’m sure Lexa will come around. She was probably just shocked. I’m sure she feels the same.”

“I honestly don’t know what happened to me. I’ve been lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling ever since I got home trying to figure out what came over me.” Clarke buries her head into her hands once again and sighs deeply. “I’m trying to convince myself that it was more than just the silence of the moment that changed my heart.”

Raven and Octavia give her questioning looks before Raven asks, “The silence?”

Clarke nods, “At first we had so much to catch up on  we were talking a hundred words a second, barely even listening to the ends of each other’s sentences before moving on to the next. And there was laughing. Lots of laughing. Then the laughing stopped and there was this silence. This weird comfortable silence and then I tried to seize the moment and I was about to kiss her when she turned away.”

“What the hell was that silence?”  Raven asks and Octavia replies for her after seeing her friend with a confused face. “It sounds like something I’d like. It sounded nice.” Clarke doesn’t even know what the hell was that silence, not then and certainly not now, but she nods at Octavia’s response, and they all nod their heads in agreement, glancing between themselves. “It was.”

Octavia curiously asks, “And what did she say?”

“At first nothing, she just stared at me and then she told me that we should leave.”

* * *

“Lexa it’s three am in the morning and the only thing you say it’s that you guys had a silence?” Anya groans, and rolls over on her bed and turns on the lamp. She sits up and grabs her forehead with one hand while the other tries to hold onto the phone where her sister was telling her about a freaking silence. “Ok, I’ll bite what kind of silence?”

“Just a weird silence,” Lexa sighs and Anya tries very hard not to roll her eyes or to fall asleep. “Yeah but what do you mean by weird?”

“Unusual, not normal.”

“Ok, but was it good or bad?”

“Good.”

“And that’s bad?” Anya asks lightly, trying to lace the bitter comment with a laugh and waits for her sister to explain further. “Yes.”

At this point Anya was close to tell her sister to grow up and to fuck off but she couldn’t do that to her. “Why is it bad?”

“Because we got into this huge fight after and now it looks like I’m having a baby with Echo,” Lexa tells her like it was obvious but it was Lexa that was missing something and not Anya. “Did you ever have _the silence_ with Echo?”

“We have silences…” Lexa replies but she’s not kidding anyone. “I just don’t know what to do Anya.”

“It’s easy, don’t marry Echo, because I know it was in your plans and-“ Before Anya can continue Lexa interrupts her. “But I love her.”

Really they should give Anya an award for Best Sister in the world because she doesn’t know how in the hell they were related when Lexa was so dense and oblivious. “What about Clarke?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Well then, I don’t see a problem here. If you were in love with Clarke and not sure about Echo then you’d be in trouble. Marry Echo and forget about the fucking silence.”

“That’s the thing sis, I don’t think I can forget.”

* * *

_Dear Clarke,_

_I’m sorry for everything that happened. You didn’t have to leave London so soon, we could have worked it out. I’m sorry for all the things I’ve told you it was in the heat of the moment and I don’t want to lose you. Maybe I should have…_  
                Please don’t distance yourself from me, I haven’t hear from you in weeks. It was wonderful seeing you…                
                Keep in touch.   
                Love, Lexa. 

/

_Dear Lexa,_

_I’m sorry too for the part that I played on our fight. I shouldn’t have said those things. I just needed time to figure some things out._  
                I have.   
                Keep in touch Lexa.   
                Love, Clarke. 

That was not the only letter that Clarke sent that night and the addressee for the other one, was Finn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me too much, I know.


	5. Part V

**Part V**

“I should have called you a long time ago,” Lexa sighs into the phone. It’s early in the morning for Clarke but almost noon for Lexa. She remembers vaguely the letter she sent to Lexa saying she was sorry too, and doing another letter.

THE LETTER!

She hopes Finn doesn’t read it or if he does, that he doesn’t really think they miss him. Yes, Aden does miss the entity of a father but he certainly doesn’t miss Finn as his father. And oh, what was she doing, yeah, she’s talking to Lexa.

She yawns and nods hoping Lexa knows her well enough to not expect a full conversation so early in the morning and given the couple of drinks she had the night before even more so.

“You should’ve, but I get it.”

“No, you don’t Clarke. I shouldn’t have sent the half ass letter to say just sorry. I should explain myself better and say what I really think about you.”

Clarke sighs and rolls over on her bed, facing the window she hums. “Go on, I’m listening.”

“I-“ Lexa pauses, and Clarke can hear some talking in the background and then the slamming of a door in the distance. “I want to say, that you’re the most wonderful mom to Aden, and I know that if I’m half as good as you are with my future kid then I know I will be fine. Clarke you’re amazing and I’m sorry for saying otherwise.”

“That hurt Lexa, I appreciate you apologizing for that, but you don’t even know how hard it was and still is to raise Aden by myself. I’m doing my best.”

“I know, I know you are, and it shows.” Lexa states and Clarke is pretty sure there’s a small smile plastered on the brunette’s face as she says it. She knows she’s being sincere. “I’m really sorry, I know I overstepped and I do understand that you need some time to think, but please I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know Lexa. I don’t want to lose you either.”

Lexa breathes out and her tone is soft and hopeful for the first time since they started their conversation. “Thank you Clarke.”

There’s a stilled moment after that and Clarke is pretty sure that she needs to say something before it becomes weird and that’s the last thing she wants when she’s talking to her best friend, even after what happened.

“I’m sorry too for what I said.” Clarke can practically feel the skeptical face her friend must be doing on the other side of world.

“Do you mean it?” Lexa asks with traces of amusement on her question.

“No, not really.”

Lexa laughs, it’s been a long time since Clarke has heard that laugh and her heart beats a lot faster than normal, but she knows that laugh is equally genuine and hurtful.

Once the brunette stops laughing she whispers into the phone, “I figured.”

“Lexa-“ Clarke starts to explain herself, she doesn’t want any other hurdle to damage their renewed friendship, but Lexa stops her. “No, I get it. I do Clarke.” Lexa huffs in defeat, “Echo and I, nobody understands but it works. I know you don’t get it, but someday you will.”

Clarke truly bits her tongue to not say what she really wants to say. The situation her best friend is in, it’s not ideal, but she has to let her learn on her own, let her make mistakes and just be there in the aftermath.

“Yeah, someday…”

* * *

Clarke appreciates her job, she does but she most rather be her own boss and do her own paintings on the side. She definitely wants to have her own hours and definitely wants to avoid situations like this.

The sign says open and she so wishes it wasn’t.

She happens to look through the window the same moment Finn approaches the gallery with an impressive bouquet of roses.

“Oh, no!” Clarke murmurs to herself and stands up quickly to lock up the door but it’s too late as Finn enters. “Happy to see me?” He so smugly asks with his half smirk.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asks panicking by the second. She hopes Kane would save her but she knows he won’t because he’s the fucking boss and he’s never there.

“You sent me Aden's drawing,” Finn explains but his tone suggests that it was obvious. “I got on the first flight I could!” He lifts the bouquet in front of them and Clarke pushes him towards the door, but he’s so strong that she doesn’t even manage to move a speck of hair.

“No! No, no, no! I did that on a whim, okay? And it was a month ago!” Clarke aggressively runs her hands through her hair. “Aden drew the picture, and it was a mistake. I never expected you to actually show up!”

“That letter really made me think about my life, I wanna meet him, Clarke! I am his dad after all.” The term lodges in Clarke’s chest, and she doesn’t know how to feel about it. She knows that he’s Aden’s father but he hasn’t been a parent at all. “Dad? And what precisely is it that you think qualifies you for that title?” She looks down to the scattered roses. “Those?” She narrows her eyes further and Finn steps back. “When he woke up with colic every night for the first few months? Or pulled out his first tooth, or took his first steps?”

Finn’s expression softens noticeably, and he stretches his smirk.  “Has anyone ever told you, you have the most amazing eyes when you’re mad princess?” Clarke resists the urge to roll her eyes and keep up her anger, narrowing her eyes at Finn. 

“Look, I'm sorry, okay? I get it, I bailed on you. I was a total creep. But there hasn't been a single day in the last seven years that I haven't wondered what he's like. Is he like me? Did he luck out on the gene front?”

“You're so full of shit!” Clarke’s jaw clenches showing her frustration but her lips turn up without her permission. “You have to give me a chance, Clarke! I can be different, I promise.”

If that isn’t enough Finn gets down on her knees and claps her hands together. “Do you want me to crawl on my hands and knees? Anything, Clarke! I'm begging you!”

Clarke can’t really say no that face and can’t deny Aden the chance to meet his dad. So she takes Finn by his arms and helps him stand up. “If this were about me, I'd be driving you to the airport right now!”

“You'd be right to.”

She points a finger into his chest and says, “One chance! One chance, but any mess-ups and you're out. And you be nice! And I don't just mean average nice, I mean Father Christmas-Easter Bunny-Tom Hanks -All-rolled-into-one nice!”

“Absolutely.” A sincere grin stretches in his face.

“And you will buy him the most expensive pair of shitty soccer shoes that you can find!”

“I'm gonna Google them right now.”

* * *

A nice pair of Nike mercurial vapor X shoes and a whole set of soccer related presents later and Aden is over the moon that he finally got to spend time with his real father. Although to be honest Aden wasn’t that thrilled to meet him, but he will do if he gets getting him presents for the lack of seven years without one from him.

A nice set of abs, crocked grins and a few days to herself while Finn looks after Aden, a feeling of family and home, and safety later and Clarke finally feels something. Something that leads her to sleep with Finn, give Aden his father, and an almost pregnancy scare again!

* * *

“You did what?” Raven reproaches her as she storms through the gallery where Clarke is casually sat atop her desk with coffee in her hand. She hopes that while hiding behind the cup her friend would see that she doesn’t need that current tone she’s using. She already had been lectured by Octavia that morning.

“Clarke this is a man who let you go to casualty on your own in the middle of the night, with a condom stuck up your vagina!” Clarke screws her eyes shut at the words and the memories but she recovers quickly to see her friend worried and waiting for an explanation.

“He's Aden's dad,” Clarke simply says, as if that would’ve been enough, but she knows it’s not. “You should see his little face light up when he walks in the room. They're really bonding!” Clarke divulges and smirks to herself when she remembers other reasons why she has ‘forgiven’ Finn.  “Of course, none of that would matter if he hadn’t abs for days. He's really worked on that thing like wow.”

“You're evil, Clarke Griffin.” Raven tells her, and Clarke tries a soft tentative smile herself in response knowing that Raven would forgive her someday for being so careless.

“I just want to belong to someone, Raven. I'm tired of waiting. And it feels good with him. We're a family.” Raven softens at that explanation and wraps her hand around Clarke’s arm and gives her a reassuring squeeze. “I’m happy if you are.”

“I am.”

* * *

**From** : Lexa  
**To:** Clarke  
**Subject:** Who is he?

                Why didn’t you say a word about this guy when you were here or even on the phone? I never knew you to be so secretive, you usually tell me everything. And you know the worse part of all, is that you got angry at me just because I kept a possible pregnancy on the down low because I wasn’t sure when you were keeping a guy! A GUY as a secret.  
                Nevermind, so what’s he like? What’s his name? Where did you meet him? What does he look like? What does he do for a living? I hope he’s treating you and Aden well, or else I’m coming home to throttle him. I’ll have to go back to Polis to meet this guy, make sure he gets the best friend approval. By the way, finding out from my mom and not from you hurt as well (but I guess we’re even now). Anyway, let me no all the details (maybe not all of them).

* * *

Hey kiddo, 

                Just writing to see how you are, and to share a bit of good news with you. I’m sure Clarke hasn’t told you this already because she’s keeping pretty quiet about it, but I just wanted to tell you that she’s met someone (You probably already know since it was Indra who told us she saw them). Abby is so delighted, I on the other hand am not so glad to see him. But Clarke seems so happy, those big blue eyes don’t look so sad anymore and there’s a spring in her step again. More like the Clarke we used to know.  
                Anyway, she brought the man over to the house yesterday for dinner to officially meet us and I have to say that he is charming but he’s replaceable. As you probably haven’t figured it out is Finn Collins and he’s back. He’s a bank manager and he has a receding hairline (I’m worried that it’s hereditary, I don’t want Aden to have one).  
                The good thing is that he gets along with Aden. They spent the day teasing each other, it’s funny at least. It’s been difficult, as you know, for Clarke to meet someone who she likes herself as well as taking into account that It has to be somebody that Aden feels comfortable with too, so what better man for Aden than his own father.  
                So how’s work? Busy over there as always? Don’t work yourself too hard kiddo, you need to enjoy life too. As for your proposal, I think we will take it. We do want to see you, so Abby and I were thinking of visiting you for a little holiday soon. Let us know when you’re free and we’ll work around it.  
                Love, Jake.

* * *

**New text message from** :

 **Lexa** : FINN COLLINS?!!!

 **Lexa:** Seriously?!

 **Lexa** : Ok, I get why you didn’t tell me.

 **Lexa:** Forget about the “I want to hear everything”.

 **Lexa** : I don’t.

* * *

**From:** Clarke  
**To** : Lexa  
**Subject:** I’m sorry?

                So my not so little secret is out now. Well I didn’t say anything about Finn when I was in London, because at that stage we hadn’t even talked yet. When I came back from my trip to London I was feeling sentimental and after I wrote your letter I decided to write him a letter and I also sent him a picture that Aden drew and he came back.  
                Oh Lexa, I’ve been wined and dined like never before. He’s taken me to every restaurant in Polis and outside of it too. He’s romantic (yeah who would’ve thought?), but you said not to give you all the details so I won’t tell you about our weekend away or the time when he surprised me in bed with his…  
                He is always bringing Aden little gifts when he comes, which I know he shouldn’t do, but I love seeing him being spoiled especially as I haven’t exactly been able to do that myself over the years. I can’t believe he’s finally here and actually doing a great job. He is generous, caring, and thoughtful man, and I think I’m starting to love all the family time that we’ve been having. I know it may not last forever but I’m enjoying myself Lexa. I know I haven’t been good at answering your calls and texts even though I said I would, but I promise I will.  
                I hope everything is well with Echo just like everything is fine with Finn. 

* * *

**New text message from:**

**Rae:** Ugh you two make me sick, you’ve turned into one of those sickening couples that we hate. You two carrying on like love-struck teenagers. I think I’ll have to find a new single friend so that I don’t feel like a complete bore the next time we go out. I hate being a fifth wheel with you, Finn and Linctavia.

 **Clarke:** What about Anya? I thought you were together.

 **Rae:** How in the hell did you know that?! I didn’t think you’ve detached your head from Finn’s face enough to notice that.

 

Clarke is about to reply when another message comes thru.

 

**New text message from:**

**Finn:** Hey princess how’s your day going?

 **Clarke:** It’s the same as usual.

 **Clarke:** Better now though!

 

 **Rae:** You see, I bet you’re talking to douchebag Collins.

 

 **Clarke** : Finn just a second, I’m texting Raven and she gets needy.

 **Finn:** Do you two ever do any work?

 **Clarke:** I do enough to keep myself from being fired and you know Raven is her own boss.

 **Finn:** I’ll text you later then.

 **Clarke:** No!

 **Clarke:** I’m perfectly capable of carrying two conversations at the same time. Besides I want to text you and if I tell that to Raven she’ll be even more angry at me for becoming one of _them._

 **Finn** : Who’s “them”?

 **Clarke** : Part of the secret couple elite…

 **Finn** : Ok.

 

 **Rae** : Can you two not live without each other for a few hours?!

 **Rae** : Like seriously, I understood when it was Lexa but Finn!

 **Clarke** : No! It’s not like that.

 **Rae** : Oh I miss Clarke….Who are you and what have you done to my friend?

 **Clarke** : Don’t worry she’s still here, just taking a well-deserved break. So what were you saying about Anya?

 **Rae:** Well it’s nothing serious, we’ve been having some fun and she’s easy to be with. I understand the appeal of the Wood’s girls and that defined sculptured body and that jaw.

 **Rae** : *Heart eyes

 **Rae** : Plus she is the only person who doesn’t ignore me when we go out.

 **Rae** : *Angry face.

 **Clarke** : Oh I’m so sorry Raven, I’ve been a crappy friend.

 **Rae** : Yeah you were.

 **Clarke** : It’s just, you know what it’s like when you meet someone new, you want to get to know everything about them.

 **Rae** : There you go again giving me nausea.

 

 **Clarke** : So what are you doing tonight?

 **Finn:** I’m all yours for the night. We could get a bottle of wine, some takeout, and stay in for the night. We can get Aden a video or something.

 **Clarke:** Sounds great. Aden will be really excited to see you.

 

 **Rae:** But I’m starting to get it.

 **Clarke** : Get what?

 **Rae** : *unamused

 **Rae** : I want to get to know Anya better.

 **Clarke** : Atta girl!

 **Rae** : *Blushes

 **Clarke** : Hey maybe we can all go on a double date or triple date, I’ve always wanted to do that.

 **Rae** : Oh please, the innocence of the young and inexperienced.

 **Rae** : But I don’t think it would be a good idea. Anya and Finn will have absolutely nothing in common; they’re like chalk and cheese. They will hate each other (because obvious reasons), the atmosphere will be awkward, no one will talk, all you’ll hear is the munching of food in our mouths over the deafening silence like some kind of weird porn torture, we’ll all refuse dessert, skip the coffee, pick up the check, and leg it out the door and feel relieved and promise ourselves never to meet up again.

 **Clarke** : What obvious reason?

 **Rae:** How does next Friday sound?

 **Clarke** : Friday’s fine.

 

 **Finn** : I hope Raven is ok with us after the other night, we were kind of in a world of our own.

 **Clarke** : She’s fine. She has Anya.

 **Clarke** : Oh and by the way, are you free to go out on a triple date thingy on Friday night? I will get my parents to babysit Aden.

 **Finn:** A dinner date with broody-moody-hate my guts Anya? Sounds fun.

 **Finn:** If your parents babysit Aden all night then I’m in. (If you know what I mean)

 

 **Clarke** : Finn says he is in for dinner on Friday.

 **Rae** : Well that’s all very well but I haven’t asked Anya yet.

 **Rae** : What did Lexa say about you and Finn being in love?

 **Clarke** : Well I didn’t say I was in love Raven!

 **Clarke** : Finn and I haven’t even said that to each other yet.

 **Clarke** : Lexa was mad that I didn’t tell her about Finn.

 **Rae:** I bet.

 **Clarke:** What’s that supposed to mean?

 **Rae** : This is just as I suspected.

 **Clarke** : Why Harriet the spy, what did you suspect?

 **Rae** : She’s jealous.

 **Clarke** : Lexa is not jealous!

 **Rae:** Lexa is jealous of your relationship with Finn, she feels threatened.

 

 **Finn** : So what time should I come over tonight? 7 o 8?

 **Clarke** : No, Lexa is not jealous of my relationship with Finn! Why should she be? She’s with perfect gorgeous Echo, happily might I add (at least according to Lexa and Echo). I gave her a chance to be part of Aden’s life and mine and she chose to remain my friend, which is what I have now come to terms with. It’s fine. Now I am in a relationship with Finn, he’s wonderful and I no longer care about Lexa in that way _at all whatsoever!_ So that’s all I have to say about that thank you very much. I am over Lexa, she is not interested in me and now I am in love with Finn! So there!

 **Finn** : Well….

 **Finn** : Thank you for sharing that with me princess. I can’t tell you enough how happy it makes me that you’re no longer in love with Lexa “at all whatsoever” as you put it.

 **Clarke** : OMG RAVEN! I just sent Finn the message that was supposed to be for you! Fuck fuck fuck. I told him I loved him!!!!!!!

 **Finn:** It went to me again princess.

 

 **Clarke** : Oh!

 **Rae:** Oh what? Woman I don’t get you sometimes.

 **Clarke** : Attachments: 3 screenshots.

 **Clarke:** Ok so that has to be the singularly most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me, without any doubts, no exceptions!

 **Rae** : What about the time you wore that white dress out to a club with no underwear on and someone spilled water all over you and it was suddenly completely see-through?

 **Clarke** : Ok so that was pretty embarrassing.

 **Rae** : And what about the time you were in the supermarket and you grabbed another little boy’s hand by mistake and started dragging him out to the car while Aden waited inside crying his eyes out.

 **Clarke** : That little boy’s mother said it was fine and she dropped the charges.

 **Rae** : And what about the time-

 **Clarke** : OK that’s enough thank you!

 **Clarke** : I take back what I said, it was not the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened, but it’s pretty much up there with the all-time classics. The number one embarrassing moment being the time I almost kissed Lexa and she rejected me.

 **Rae** : Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

 **Clarke** : Oh come on you’re supposed to make me feel better.

 **Rae** : LOL

 **Clarke** : Oh the joy of having supporting friends.

 **Clarke** : I have to go now, Kane is glaring at me.

* * *

If it weren’t for her little sister and her nagging all week to know how the dinner went and if Anya wasn’t significantly bored she wouldn’t have picked up the call.

But she did.

“How’s my little sister doing?” Anya’s mocking tone was apparent because Lexa sighs into the phone not two seconds after the greeting.

“I’ve been good, what are you up to?” She casually says and Anya refrains from rolling her eyes at the obvious disinterest of her sister’s question.

“Raven and I have been searching for hours for the original chrome exhaust pipes on a classic Ford Mustang. And do you think we could find the original badges as well as two-tone leather seats for the Corvette?”

Lexa pretends to be interested for a while, when she replies. “I guess no?”

“Exactly, but I don’t suppose you want to hear about my problems, huh?” Anya goes to the point and Lexa laughs awkwardly. “Anya-“ she begins saying but Anya cuts her.

“You want to know how the dinner went.”

“No, it’s okay,” Lexa lies and Anya stays silent so Lexa has to put the phone away from her ear for a while to see if the call was disconnected. “Ok, what’s he like?”

Anya laughs now at how easily her baby sister falls every single time for that and to be true at how jealous and over eager she sounds just to know how she messed up by not going for what she wants.  “He’s okay, nothing special. He’s not the kind of guy I’d have put Clarke with though.”

There's a moment of silence where neither of them speak but they both know what the next question will be and possibly the answer. “And who would you put her with?” Lexa finally asks and she expects her sister's answer. “You, obviously.”

“Anya…” 

“No wait is true and…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the thread message system wasn't confusing! If it was, let me know and I will change it. 
> 
> This is by far one of my favorite chapters to date. 
> 
> I had so much fun and hope you liked it!


	6. Part VI

**Part VI**

**_A few months later_ **

**New text message from:**

**Rae** : Remember me?

**Clarke** : I’m sorry Raven, it’s just that I’ve been so busy and you know just life got in the way.

**Rae:** Life got in the way or Finn?

**Clarke:** Both.

**Rae:** I’ll give you one month…

**Clarke:** Actually, I have good news. I’ve only told Lexa so far but you’re not allowed to tell anyone.

**Rae** : The most magical words you’ll ever hear in a sentence. What is it?

**Clarke:** Well a few weeks ago when I came home from work Finn had a beautiful dinner cooked, the table was set, candles were lit, and the music was playing…

**Rae** : Go on.

**Rae:** No wait, he asked you to marry you?!!!

**Clarke** : No, he asked me if I was interested in moving in with him.

**Rae** : Interested?

**Clarke** : Yeah

**Rae:** Were those his words exactly?

**Clarke** : Eh, yeah, I think so why?

**Rae** : You think that’s romantic, do you?

**Clarke** : Well he went to a lot of trouble to cook the meal, and set the table and you know everything.

**Rae:** Jesus you do that every day Clarke.

**Rae** : Did you discuss marriage or any of those things?

**Clarke** : Well actually….no we didn’t even discuss marriage. Moving in together is the same commitment as a marriage for now, Raven.

**Clarke** : Anyway I thought you were anti-marriage.

**Rae:** Not anymore.

**Clarke** : OMG.

/

**New text message from:**

**Octavia** : Why didn’t he ask you to marry him?

**Clarke** : I wasn’t aware that he had to.

**Octavia** : Would you have liked to?

**Clarke:** You know me O, if anyone got down on one knee and proposed (on a gallery, my own preferably, with a four-piece orchestra in the background) I’d like it. I’m an old romantic.

**Octavia** : Are you disappointed he asked you to move in with him and not marry you?

**Clarke** : For now I’m ok with how things are.

**Octavia** : If that makes you happy.

**Clarke** : If things are still as perfect between us as they are now, I’ll expect a proposal soon.

**Clarke** : Oh and btw, tell Raven that she sucks at keeping secrets.

**Octavia** : Raven?

**Octavia** : Did you tell Raven before me?

**Clarke:** Maybe? How the hell would you know?

**Octavia** : Lexa.

**Clarke** : Oh.

* * *

“Anya you don’t get it,” Lexa groans into the phone. She’s right now secluded into one corner of the hospital where she’s working. Anya groans right back. “I don’t know why you’re so upset?” She pries.

“How can he waltz up after everything he’s done and just pretend that’s everything is fine. I mean he wasn’t there when Clarke stayed up all night breast-feeding, pacing the halls and singing fucking lullabies so the constant screaming would stop. He wasn’t there to change Aden’s diapers nor to wipe out his nose or cleaned his sick clothes every day. He hasn’t even endured staying up all night and worried when Aden was really sick, taking temperatures and buying medicine or making trips to the doctor.” Lexa rants and Anya really feels sorry for her.

“By what Clarke tells me he doesn’t even make dinner, or puts food on the table, he doesn’t pay rent. He only goes to work but he never helps Aden with his homework. Clarke says he gives terrible advice and he’s never there to wipe tears or to explain why after all these years he’s come back now and not before.”

Anya shouts her name then before Lexa goes out of breath naming every single wrong that Finn has done. “Lexa, this is about Aden, he needs his father and you should only look at it like that.”

“I don’t think I can’t Anya.”

“Well suck it up, and don’t whine because one thing I know is that you weren’t there either.”

Lexa gasps quietly, because it was a low blow, but the painful truth.

She hears a similar gasp from the other end of the line that doesn’t belong to her sister but Anya’s girlfriend and some hushed discussion happening on the background. She manages to hear to hear Raven’s desperate plead for them to tell Clarke that if she doesn’t want to listen to them then she must hear and truly listen to what Lexa really thinks of Finn.

She hears her sister yell back something similar to ‘don’t’ before the call disconnects and Lexa is left to figure out what will happen next.

/

Just as Lexa’s about to begin typing out a response to Echo’s request for dinner, her phone starts to vibrate with an incoming call. Her heart jumps in her chest when she sees it’s Clarke calling and she knows very well the reason why she’s calling.

It took a couple of days for Clarke to find out but she did in the end. Somehow, the multiple conversations between Anya and her about her hatred towards Finn weren’t so private anymore, and she knows that Clarke is now aware of them. She needs to have a serious talk with Anya and her girlfriend sometime in the near future.

She swipes her thumb over the ‘accept call’ button before pressing her phone onto her ear and with a chirpy tone she greets her “Hello, Clarke.” She even rolls the ‘r’ and the ‘k’ which she knows makes Clarke shiver.

“Are you on drugs?!” Clarke fumes into the phone and Lexa laughs at the weird greeting, but she’s used to it by now. 

“Only the little pink ones,” She jokes and adds, “Sometimes I hear them calling out to me during the night.”

“You’re a doctor, so help yourself.” Clarke replies and Lexa giggles and Clarke forgets for a second why she called, and why was she was fuming and tearing down a stress ball in her hands.

“Ok, I take it from that attempt at being humorous but meaning every word of it that you don’t like Finn. I know you didn’t but you know that’s different now and you still hate him?” The quiet that follows is tense, at least, for Clarke, it is.

She listens to Lexa’s breathing on the other end until the silence becomes unbearable. “I’ve had enough of your snide comments about Finn. Well to let the truth be known, I can’t stand Echo. Ta-da!” Clarke reveals and she doesn’t check if the call was disconnected hearing Lexa’s deep breaths.

“I hate Echo and you hate Finn. Now we have learned that we all can’t love each other. Now we’re both blissfully happy. We’ve never been so in love and he’s going to propose.”

“I’m happy for you.”

Clarke honestly to God, let’s out a groan and yells into the phone “That’s it?”

“Yeah.” Lexa does nothing but shrug but Clarke can’t see it. “What you want me to say?”

“Nothing Lexa, nothing.”

* * *

**A couple of months later.**

“So let me get this straight,” Raven starts. She makes sure everyone in the living room of the Griffin’s house is actually listening to the awful proposal story. “He proposed to you in TonDC?”

Clarke nods and nervously picks up her glass of wine and takes a sip. “Yes, it’s a cute little village-“

“You hate cute little villages!” Is Octavia now that speaks her mind. Then it’s Lincoln with his two cents. “Even I know you like towns, cities, noise, air pollution, bright lights, rude people and tall buildings.”

Clarke huffs and puts her wine down on the table and looks at her father for help who is watching her with a sad smile. “But we stayed in this sweet little B&B owned by the nicest-“

“You hate B&Bs!” Raven speaks up again and tones down her outrage a little when Abby places a hand on her shoulder when she comes into the room and takes a seat beside her husband. Jake places his arm around her shoulders and they both share again a secret and sad smile.

“But if you had just seen the little restaurant. It was called “The Space Walker Catch” and it had these fishing nets all draped around the ceiling-“

“Oh my god, you HATE fish!” Octavia cuts her with a groan and Raven speaks up again “You starved Aden’s goldfish until it floated on top of that stinking bowl and then you flushed him down the toilet.”

“You gag whenever you see people eating oysters, which is by the way is very embarrassing in restaurants.” Octavia adds.

“You block your nose whenever I eat tuna,” Bellamy contributes and Clarke glares at him.

“You think smoked salmon is the work of the devil.”

“Prawns make you vomit.”

Both last comments were from her parents and Clarke gives them a disapproving glance and hits the sofa and pouts. “I had a nice salad.”

“You always say salad is for rabbits,” Anya says quietly and Clarke fumes when Raven gives her a peck on the cheek for being on their side and Octavia gives her a high five.

“Anyway,” Clarke grunts. “We finished the evening by strolling hand in hand in the moonlight alongside the lake-“

“You love the sea. You want your hotel room to be sea view.”

“Oh please stop it!” Clarke reaches her breaking point and gets up and flees to her room where she slams the door like a teenager all over again but not before hearing. “Stop lying to yourself Clarke Griffin.”

**_/_ **

**New text message from:**

**_Clarke_** _:_ SOS

**_Clarke_** _:_ Lexa, please save me from my family and friends, they are driving me absolutely insane.

Lexa calls her right away and Clarke has never been so happy to see Lexa’s name on her phone (well she has, but this is the most important one to date).

“What’s the problem?” Lexa’s voice wavers although not excitedly as she expected but with uncertainty and sadness.

“I don’t really want to talk about it. I want to take my mind off them,” Clarke puffs into the phone and she swears she can see Lexa rolling her eyes through the phone.

“That’s fair enough, I can understand that,” Lexa says and waits for Clarke to steer the conversation so when she hears only but silence she continues. “This is a nice distraction for me too you know. So why don’t you tell me about this proposal that he-who-must-not-be-named performed for you?”

Clarke takes a deep breath and rushes to explain what moments ago she thought it was what she really wanted. “Ok, here I go again. Finn took me to a quiet little village down the country. We stayed in a gorgeous little B&B. We ate in a lovely restaurant called “The Space Walker Catch”. He proposed while I had my mouth full of chocolate, I said yes, we took a walk along the lake and watched the moon shimmering along water. Isn’t that romantic?”

Clarke hears nothing on the other side of the line and thinks the call was disconnected but when she sees that is not she starts to worry until she gets mad when she hears what Lexa tells her which is simply, “Yes, romantic.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Clarke exclaims into the phone and Lexa has to hold out the phone so that her ear doesn’t suffer the damage. “Two words on one of the most important nights of my life, and that’s all you have to say Lexa?”

“What do you want me to say, I just think it could have been better,” Lexa explains calmly but Clarke is too mad to make sense of what her best friend just told her rather patronizingly.

“How much better? What would you have done to make it so much better? I’m just dying to know! Everyone seems to think they know me so much better than I know myself so go ahead, humor me.” Clarke practically fumes over the phone and Lexa has no problem whatsoever to tell her how it should have gone.

“Well first, I would have brought you to a hotel along the coast so that your suite would have the best sea view because I know how much you like to paint the sea. You could fall asleep listening to the waves crashing against the rocks, I would sprinkle the bed with red rose petals and have candles lit all around the room, you know the roses are for you, the candles are for me. I would have your favorite band playing quietly in the background, you still there?” Lexa stops and Clarke just hums a soft yes as if she’s afraid she would ruin the perfect dream that’s being whispered by her best friend.

“But I wouldn’t propose to you there.”

“No?”

“No, I would do it at your art gallery the day after where we will be surrounded by your paintings and a huge crowd of family and friends so they could all gasp when I got down on two knees and swore fealty to you and propose,” Lexa says in one breath and she grows nervous by the second, “Or something like that,” Lexa mumbles and waits for Clarke to say something and Clarke doesn’t disappoint with her answer.

“Oh.”

“Oh? That’s all you can say? One word for the most important night of our lives? I get down on bended knees and ask that you’ll spend eternity with me and you say, ‘Oh?’ You have to do better than that!” Lexa laughs and Clarke can’t help the blush that has spread on her face or the tears that were forming the moment she heard the perfect proposal ever.

Clarke clears her throat and composes her voice and tries not to quiver when she replies, “Ok so that would also be a very nice proposal,” she declares quietly and lets the silence after speak for her, until is not enough. “Lexa did I go on about proposals so much?”

“All the time Clarke. All the time,” Lexa sighs into the phone. “Anyone who knows you half well would know that is more or less the kind of thing you have always dreamed about. But a weekend in a B&B sounds fine too.” 

“You’re coming right?” Clarke asks and she sounds so unsure and afraid of her answer, and Lexa can’t say no, right now. “I will do my best, Clarke.”

“I hope you do.”

* * *

**From** : Anya   
**To:** Lexa   
**Subject:** You’re going to the wedding!

                I am so angered by your last phone call. You cannot miss Clarke’s wedding! That would be completely unthinkable.  
                This is Clarke we’re talking about, not some archenemy of yours! Clarke, the girl who used to sleep on your bed while you slept on a sleeping bag on the floor, the girl who used to sneak into my room and read my diary and look through my underwear drawer! Little Clarke, who you used to chase down the road and shoot at with a banana for a gun! Clarke, who used to sit beside you in class for twelve years, giggle with you all the time and nobody else would ever know why.  
                You were there for her even when she didn’t tell you about Aden. You were so supportive throughout the entire thing when I’m sure it was difficult for you to adjust to the fact that Clarke who slept in a sleeping bag on her floor while you were over had a baby.  
                Come here Lexa. Celebrate this with her. Share in her happiness and excitement. Share it all with Aden. Be happy, please. I’m sure she needs you right now, this is a huge step for her and she needs her best friend by her side. Learn to get to know Finn too as he is an important person in her life now, just as she has learned to get to know Echo-the most important person in your life. I know you don’t want to hear it, but if you don’t go you will be ending what was once and what still is one of the strongest bonds of friendship that I have ever seen.  
                I know you are still frustrated by what happened almost a year ago when she visited, but swallow your pride, hold your chin up. You are going to be at this wedding because Clarke wants you to be there for her, you are going to be here because you need to be here for yourself. Make the right decisions, Lexa. I hope to see you at church.

* * *

**_The day…_ **

“Can you just stop jumping up and down?” Raven groans and fixes Clarke’s veil on her head while Clarke takes a peak through the door to see the wedding guests waiting for the ceremony to start.

She wasn’t just looking, she was looking for someone. Someone who she couldn’t see among the guests.

“I'm just checking everyone's here.”

“Everyone being who, exactly?” Octavia stands up from the couch she was perched on and exchanges a significant look with Raven while Clarke remains oblivious through the whole exchange. 

Just moments before she decides to go ahead and leave the room the get a better look at the guests, her father comes through the door. “How's the blushing bride?” He takes a look at the impatient bride in question and Octavia chuckles. “Like a mad bunny.”

“Okay. Okay.” Octavia takes Raven’s hand and they both give Clarke a reassuring smile before they walk down the aisle, with Lincoln and Aden respectively.

She’s about to follow them when her father stops her for a minute. “Don't take this the wrong way, kiddo. But if there's any part of you that isn't sure, even now, say the word.” He says confidently and Clarke chuckles and readjusts the collar of Jake’s shirt. “We'll walk straight out of here, our heads held high.”

“So you like Finn, then?” Clarke lips turn up a bit and Jake sighs. He extends his right arm and Clarke takes it and holds it the entire ride on the aisle. “Come on. Let's get you hitched.”

She scans the room, every single line, every single smiling person on the church hoping she would see one of the most important people on one of the most important days of her life there, but she doesn’t find her.

Lexa wasn’t there.

/

Meanwhile at the other side of the world Lexa’s finally putting the last box on the U-Haul she rented. She closes the door and goes back to the apartment where she leaves the key perched on the coffee table. She looks around once more to the apartment that was her everything for the last few years.

She knows she’s making the right decision, she knows it’s for the best, but that doesn’t take the sadness nor the void she feels once she steps out again into the windy air of London.

It’s not only her break up with Echo that makes her feel numb, it’s that her best friend is getting married and it’s not her who she’s marrying to.

She has to live with the fact that it’s too late.

Too little, too late. 

* * *

**_Almost a year later…_ **

“Do you like this?” Tris asks Aden to which he nods, after turning up the volume on her ipod. They’re lying on the floor of Aden’s room with a bunch of pillows between them and with Tris ipod in the middle when Clarke barges in without knocking.

“Aden, would you please-“ She freezes in the doorway when Aden whines and blushes, he throws her a pillow and exclaims “Mom!”

“Sorry.” She apologizes and smirks lightly when she closes the door. She presses her whole body at the other side of Aden’s room for support and smiles at the rush of memories that come after witnessing what it look like a perfect flashback to her younger years. Only in those times it was Lexa and Clarke on the floor while Abby interrupted their time together.

So Clarke’s life as a married woman, housewife, mother and loving daughter stays the same.

The only changes over the year were that she was older, tired and almost scared at how fast her little boy was growing. But the change that she quite can’t believe is that she hasn’t spoken to Lexa since the day of her wedding.

And today of all days makes her want to reach out to her after what she just saw and felt.

Seems like history is repeating itself, only this time she wants Aden to get the girl.

So she braces herself for the most awkward (she hopes it’s not) conversation she would have up to the date.

She types Lexa and Echo’s phone number and after three rings the call is picked and she hopes is Lexa at the other end of the line.

But just her luck, it isn’t.

“Hello?” The stern and deep voice of Echo greets her.

“Echo...” Clarke manages to choke out and she hears Echo letting out a sigh. “Clarke. What can I do for you?”

“Um, is Lexa there?” Clarke rushes; she hopes she doesn’t have to talk to Echo for long.

“Did she not tell you?” Echo’s voice turns from anger to disbelief.

“Tell me what?” Clarke asks unsure.

“Lexa and I separated.” Echo says with determination without a trace of hurt.

“What? When?”

“Pretty much the day of your wedding.” Usually Clarke knows how to anticipate things, she was sure that their break up was recent the minute Echo told her but what in million years didn’t expect was THAT!

The only thing she manages to say is “Oh!”

“Yeah,” Clarke feels Echo rolling her eyes through the phone and she exactly imagines her picking up at her nails bored and over their conversation so she doesn’t know what to say. It doesn’t matter though, because not a minute later she hears Echo screaming.

“Cage! It’s happening. Our baby is coming!”

“Oh, God! Is everything ok?”

“No, my water just broke!” Echo screams into the phone, and she rushes leaving the phone unattended and Clarke at the other side of the line shocked.

“Cage? The artist?” 

“Our baby?”

“Oh my god, are you with Cage?!”

/

“They what? And Raven didn’t tell us?” Octavia exclaims loudly and the other patrons on the restaurant glare at her. Clarke shushes her with a look and Octavia makes a gesture of making sure she’s going to be quiet.

“Yeah they broke up.” Clarke tells her again, “Sad isn’t it?”

Octavia scrunches her face and nods her head no. “Well not really actually, but nevermind, why did they broke up?”

“Irreconcilable differences. Isn’t that what people always say?” Clarke takes a bite of her chicken and acts as if that was the right answer. Octavia still doesn’t do anything other than gape at her. “Ok, now tell me the truth, I know Lexa tells you everything which is probably the reason in itself.”

“Excuse me,” Clarke puts her hand over her heart acting as Octavia’s statement hurt her. “Please do not accuse me of being the reason for her break up. That is very insulting. It was a million little things that all finally blew up in their faces.”

Octavia still doesn’t believe her but she lets it go for now, knowing that her friend was still processing it. “You’re right, it is sad.”

“Yes, Lexa is still devastated,” Clarke comments sadly, looking at nowhere in particular and lets out a sigh.

Octavia rolls her eyes and says, “No I didn’t mean that.”

“Then what?” Clarke asks confused.

“The irony of it all makes me sad, I can’t even imagine how you must feel.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow and looks at her and waits for Octavia to explain further, when she doesn’t she asks. “What irony?”

“Oh you know, you wait and wait for years for her until you finally give up and move on with your life. You eventually decide to marry Finn and just hours before, Lexa breaks up with Echo. You know, you two have the worst timing ever,” Octavia says dejectedly. “When will you ever learn to catch up with each other?”

/

**New text message from:**

**Clarke** : Why didn’t you tell me?

**Lexa** : Tell you what?

**Clarke** : You’re no longer with Echo

**Clarke** : BTW- Cage??

**Lexa** : Echo was having an affair with him and he’s the father.

**Clarke** : Oh Lexa : ( : (

**Lexa** : It’s okay, I wasn’t ready I guess.

Lexa closes the box of things she bought for the baby back when she thought she was going to be a mother and lets the tears fall freely.

* * *

Dear Lexa,

                So it’s been a while since I written you a letter. Things change so quickly. Just when you get used to something, zap! It changes. Just when you begin to understand someone, zap! They grow up. It’s happening with Aden. He changes every day, his face just becomes so much more grown-up every time I look at him. Sometimes I have to stop pretending I’m interested in what he’s saying in order to realize that I actually am interested. We go to play in the park and I take his advice on how to properly kick a ball. We eat out for lunch and sometimes giggle over silly things. I just can’t cast my mind back to the time when my child stopped being a child and became a person.  
                And a beautiful person he is becoming too. I don’t quite know where I’m going with this letter, Lexa, but I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately and my head is a bit of a mess. It’s hard to grasp things and keep them firmly in your grip because quicker than you know it they slide right through your fingers and you lose control.  
                Our life is made up of time, our days are measured in hours, our pay measured by those hours, our knowledge is measured by years. We grab a quick few minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break. We rush back to our desks, we watch the clock, we live by appointments. And yet your time eventually runs out and you wonder in your heart of hearts if those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and decades were being spent the best way they possibly could. In other words, if you could change anything, would you?  
                Everything is spinning around us, jobs, family, friends, lovers…you just feel like screaming “STOP!” looking around, rearranging the order of a few things, and then continuing on….It was just a thought. I know you’re having a really difficult time right now and you’ve been like this for a while, but please know that I’m always here for you and that you’re not alone.  
                Even if everything is not what you expected to be, you must keep fighting.  
                Love, Clarke.

 


	7. Part VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a minor character death.

**Part VII**

**_5 years later_ **

The music pounds louder and louder every other minute in Clarke’s house and she for once cannot stand it for longer.

She barges into Aden’s room without any other warning. “Aden!”

Aden’s eyes widen from where he is sitting with Tris by his side. An older Aden as well as a beautiful older Tris watch her with wide eyes and annoyed faces. “Mom! You're supposed to knock!” He admonishes her.

“The music! It's too loud!” Clarke complains and Aden screams right back “Can't hear you! The music's too loud!”

She’s frustrated and goes over the speakers and turns down the volume. The headache lessening by the minute now that she can hear her thoughts.

“Don't do that!” Aden protest and Tris supports him. “Yeah, this music needs to be felt.”

Clarke turns to look at them and then takes a step closer to Aden to see a spot on his neck that looks dirty.

“Is that lipstick on your neck?” She asks and Aden blushes and grabs her by the arm and pushes her lightly out of his room. “Privacy, Mom!”

“Okay, but this door stays open!” She exits the room without looking back.

* * *

“Now, have you got the thermal underwear I gave you?” Clarke follows her parents towards the taxi that’s waiting to take them towards the airport.

“It's the Bahamas,” Abby replies without missing a beat, having heard her daughter list all of the things that were already packed.

“Um, what about cash? I've got some extra if you like.” Jake shakes his head and places both of his hands on Clarke’s shoulders. “Phone chargers? Your wallet, Dad?” She continues and Jake pecks his daughter on the forehead and very reassuringly he says. ”Clarke, it's fine. Will you stop fussing?”

“Ok.” She nods reluctantly and then hugs her dad with so much force that Jake laughs and pulls her back. “Goodbye! Love you.”

“Love you too dad.”

Clarke then says goodbye to her mother, not with equal force but very lovingly as well. Her mother gives her a reassurance pinch of her cheek and whisper an ‘I love you’ which Clarke replies with ‘I love you too and take care’.

Both grandparents say goodbye to their grandson and Aden waves them goodbye before hugging them both before he can’t regret it and they set off to their journey.

Something feels off for Clarke, but she dismisses it as sadness that she’s not going to see them for a long time.

She should’ve known better.

* * *

“So my parents have sold up the house and gone on a cruise, while I’m nagging a 16-year-old about lipstick on his neck. I mean, seriously, could you find further proof of how fucked up my life is?” Clarke groans, through a half-giggle makes it out anyhow.

She stands with Raven, Octavia and Lincoln at the new art show at Kane’s gallery that’s featuring a model star turn into an artist, show. She has a glass of wine on her hand when she feels someone pushing her from behind, resulting on spilling her drink on her dress.

Normally she would go off onto the person who did it, but she has to keep appearances well intact because she’s ‘working’. So when she turns to see the certainly apologetic person who did it, she’s not prepared to see a smirking Costia being the responsible one.

‘Apologetic my ass’ Clarke thinks when she sees Costia raised eyebrow.

“Costia?”

“Clarke Griffin! What are you doing here? And why are you wet?” Clarke screws her eyes shut at the words for a moment and tells herself to keep breathing. “I work here and you-“

“Ah. Congratulations!” Costia just says and raises her hand for a moment signaling to Clarke to wait for a minute while she greets other model that comes their way. Once she’s done she turns to look at Clarke and her friends who are quietly but not so subtly laughing at her. “So where were we?”

“Your success,” Clarke grits her teeth. Costia doesn’t notice and takes it as a compliment.

“I've just flown from Morocco, tomorrow I fly out again, New York, London, Paris it’s a nightmare.” Costia wines and it’s taking all of Clarke’s efforts not to scoff louder or roll her eyes until they’re at the back of her head without being obvious. Raven does it freely and Octavia keeps her mouth shut with her own glass of wine on her lips.

“It must be hard,” Raven says sarcastically and Costia nods. ”Yeah.”

“London? You should look up Lexa,” Clarke volunteers immediately, Lincoln shakes his head in disappointment, Raven looks at her sideways to see if she has gone mad, Octavia stares at her in disbelief and Costia raises her eyebrow surprised, she looks like a woman on a newly found mission.

“Really? Lexa Woods?” She asks and Clarke nods. “You guys still keep in touch?”

“Of course, she could do with a friendly face,” Clarke offers and Costia narrows her eyes. ”Great! I'll get her details from you later.” She doesn’t give Clarke a chance to say anything more before she gracefully leaves her in search of a better conversation. 

When Costia’s far enough that she can’t hear their conversation, Clarke groans and rests her head on Lincoln shoulder, he pats her on her back while Raven and Octavia laugh at her.

“That's how fucked-up your life is.” One of them points out, Clarke doesn’t know who but she knows that everyone is thinking that.

* * *

Clarke’s life wasn’t that fucked-up until one phone call changes everything.

“Mom! How is Hawaii?” She greets her and starts asking a million questions like she always does. “Have you found some good places to eat? Is there active volcanos? How many lei’s have you guys had?” Her questions though stop momentarily when she hears a sob on the other end of the line and she grabs the phone tighter on her hands as if it that would help her to hear better.

She definitely hears her mother sobbing at the other end of the line. “Mom, are you all right?”

“I'm sorry.” Her mother whimpers further.  “I'm...”

“Mom, what is it?”

“It's your dad.”

“Mom? Mom, what is it?”

/

Polis is a city that is known for having sunny days almost every day of the year and to say that the sky today was mourning too was a statement.

Nobody ever is prepared to the onslaught of emotions that one goes through when they lose someone so close and so important. You can’t breathe, you can’t think, you can’t mourn properly and you can’t say you’re not fine when everyone is relaying on you to be fine.

Her mother, her son, everyone is expecting Clarke to be their support, and she is.

But her dad was supposed to be one of hers, and now he’s gone and she can’t do this alone.

She’s the last person standing over the grave when she feels someone approaching and she wishes for a second for her father to be the one but it’s Lexa and it’s a relief on its own.

Lexa approaches her carefully and so painfully slowly that Clarke wishes her to hurry up and take her in her arms. Lexa stands close and the distance between them feels like if they were still oceans apart. It has been since…forever.

“When I heard,” Lexa begins and her voice quivers. “The years fell away, I was...I was a fucked-up kid all over again. Hero worshipping this amazing dad you had.” Clarke lips juts out and a few tears cast down her face. “I never got to say goodbye.”

She trembles and shakes with sobs as Lexa spring into action and pulls her into her. “Come here. Come here, you.” Clarke sobs on her shoulder and Lexa doesn’t let go. Lexa’s grip on her back doesn’t lessen and nor does Clarke’s.

It feels like hours and weeks pass and the sadness and emptiness that she once felt is slowly going away for every minute she’s in Lexa’s arms. She knows it’s probably minutes before she feels Lexa slowly pulling away.

She’s not aware why until she hears Finn’s slurred words come from behind her. “Hey, hey! Hands off my woman!” He even pushes Lexa a little while he wraps his arms around Clarke’s shoulders, giving her an unfamiliar and heavy weight down on her fragile and mourning body.

He goes as far as being an insensitive asshole when he says, “I've just been chatting to your cousin. She is such a bore.” 

There’s a reason why they haven’t seen each other since graduation. Lexa is about to obliterate him.

“Seriously? Are you drunk?” Lexa protests, clenching her fists and raising her voice slightly. Finn doesn’t care and looks her up and down. “I find funerals really difficult, Lexa.”

“Because Clarke, I mean, she's having a great time.” Lexa’s tone is harsh and dripping with sarcasm. Finn scoffs. “You know what? Fuck you!”

Before the pair can get too into their little argument, Clarke steps forward and places her hand on either of their chests, effectively keeping them apart. “Please?”

“Thanks for coming,” Finn relents finally. “We both really appreciate your support. Let's go, come on.” He takes Clarke by her arm and slowly takes her away.

Clarke doesn’t have it in her to protest to stay with the only person that can make it right.

Lexa watches her walk away for the first time and when she looks towards the tombstone she breaks down and cries.

/

Lexa is in the airport, her flight delayed and her thoughts running around rampant in her head.

She wasn’t really prepared to the assailment of emotions she experienced being back for the funeral and watching Clarke waste away her years with Finn. Once they got back to their house for coffee and stories that mostly make them miss Jake more, she watched from the sidelines how Clarke was this new woman, was Finn’s woman and was lost on herself and her pain without anyone but her notice her cry for help, and the worst part was that she couldn’t do anything about it.  

She wasn’t prepared to see all of her friends moving on, moving forward and Clarke being the only one stuck, feeling as she was sort of surviving but not living, a feeling that Lexa knows too well.

She definitely wasn’t prepared for the teenage boy who still admired and loved her even if she felt like a huge disappointment for leaving them -the first time- to be the one searching for her comfort and for her words instead of his own father or even Clarke’s. She wasn’t prepared to see the other woman in his life being a close image of Clarke or dare she say like _her_ being there for him as well.

She definitely wasn’t prepared for the love she felt for Clarke reappear as if it hadn’t left at all. Well she knows now that she was only lying to herself when she said she was over her, she wasn’t. She will never be over her.

She wasn’t ready to admit it to her, she’s a coward but that’s the only life she knows how to live. Lexa has to do something, has to say something so she takes her pen and paper and starts writing.

She knows it’s not the best way to tell Clarke about her feelings but she hopes that maybe someday it will mean something.

_Dear Clarke,  
                You deserve someone who loves you with very single beat of their heart…_

* * *

Clarke hates mornings, she’s definitely not a morning person but she has to be for Aden, Finn and for herself every single morning.

Routines don’t change overnight and today is no exception, although it is.

She makes breakfast, she rushes Aden to get ready, he grumbles and mumbles something all the way. She then goes over to check the mail to bring it over the table while Aden munches on his cheerios but the shift comes when she’s stopped by Aden frantic voice saying “Mom! I'm not going without my grey baseball jacket!”

“All right! I'll get it for you!” Clarke doesn’t have the chance to pick up the mail, but Finn can on his way to the door. He doesn’t care for it too much and maybe he should as he sees Lexa’s signature on the back of the envelope.

He opens it up quickly and starts reading the contents before Clarke catches him. He seethes with rage just with the first line.

_“Clarke, you deserve someone who… “_

“Anything for me?” Comes Clarke’s voice from behind and Finn quickly hides Lexa’s letter on his jacket and gives Clarke the other envelope. “Uh, yeah, just this one.”

Clarke takes the envelope in question and turns it over to see the sender. “It’s from dad, in Hawaii, the day before he died.”

Finn scoffs, “Oh, God, don't read that.”

“What?” Clarke asks surprised.

“Well, it'll upset you.” Finn tries to act concerned and Clarke sees through him right away but she doesn’t care.

Clarke snaps and doesn’t meet Finn’s eyes at all. “I'm already upset.”

“Right. Do you want me to stay?” Finn offers but his offer is not genuine and Clarke doesn’t have time to pretend either. “No.”

“Well, call me if you need anything, okay?” Finn the presses a kiss on Clarke’s forehead and leaves.

Clarke waits for Aden to leave to school, to read the letter.

When he’s gone, she goes straight to the couch on the living room and takes the letter and opens it.

_Dear Clarke_ ,   
                _Your mom and I are still laughing from your last letter about Aden’s not so secret girlfriend. I do love it when you write to us. I hope you’re over the trauma of your son becoming a fully-fledged teen. I remember the day that happened with you. You were always eager to try new things and go new places, my fearless Clarke. I thought that when you finished school you were going to set off around the world and we would never see you again. I’m glad that didn’t happen. You were always a delight to have around the house. You and Aden. I’m only sorry we had to leave you when you needed us both. Your mom and I questioned our actions time and time again. I hope we did the right thing._  
                I know you always felt that you were in the way or that you were letting us down, but that’s far from the truth, it just meant that I got to see my little girl grow. Grow from being a baby to an adult and grow as a mother. You and Aden are a great team and he is a fine example of the good parenting he received. A bit of cologne and condoms doesn’t tarnish the goodness or dim the brightness that shines from him. A tribute to his mother. (At least he knows how to practice safe sex)  
                Life deals each of us a different set of cards and out of all of us there’s no doubt that you received the toughest hand of all of us. You picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and started all over again, set up home with Aden, found yourself a good job, provided for your son, and did your dad proud once more. But you shone through the tough times and you always will.                  
                What I’m trying to say here is what I once said about you is still true, there's nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it. So keep chasing those dreams, will you, kiddo? For my sake.  
                And always remember, life should be about more than just surviving.  
                May we meet again.  
                Love, dad.

Clarke doesn’t even realize how much time she had spent reading the letter over and over again, just stopping to go to the bathroom, make a few phone calls and make some lunch until Aden blazes through the door and stops right by her side to greet her with a kiss like he always does.

He notices the change in her and when he sees the letter he pulls her into his arms the best he can. They move into the couch and they trade stories about Jake until they notice is dark outside and they settle pizza for dinner. 

“How can someone just not be there anymore?” Aden voices after his fourth piece and Clarke shrugs. “Fuck knows.” Aden gives her a disapproving look for the curse and Clarke laughs.

“Lexa said the exact same thing.” Aden remembers and laughs at how ridiculous his mother and his favorite person aside from Tris are. “What?” Clarke asks mildly confused and amused by how easily and often Lexa is in their conversations.

“She said ‘I don’t fucking know how can someone just not be there anymore but at least he did everything he wanted.’” Aden recalls. “He didn't forget his dreams, he didn’t just survive.” Clarke agrees.

After everything happened, he at least did what he always wanted and Clarke wanted to have that outlook in life. “What if I told you I was going to use my share of the money from the house and get myself a gallery?” Clarke asks Aden who nods eagerly in agreement. “You know somewhere simple but... But my own place.”

Aden discards the pizza on his hands and stands up and walks over Clarke and pulls her into a reassuring hug (it must have been the twentieth, but Clarke’s not counting –of course she is- and she couldn’t be happier.)

“I think that would be awesome, Mom.” Aden says and they both smile at each other.

* * *

**From:** Finn   
 **To:** Lexa   
 **Subject:**   Letter

                I happened to have stumbled across something I believe you’re looking for. I would appreciate it if you would stop sending my wife love letters. Something tells me you seem to have forgotten that she’s a married woman. Married to me, Lexa.   
                Clarke and I have had our troubles like all marriages do but we are willing to put all that behind us now and give it another chance. You need to understand that none of your letters are going to change that. You said it yourself, you had your chance and you blew it. The moment has passed you by, Lexa.  
                Let’s be realistic here for a minute, Lexa. You and Clarke are both over thirty. You’ve known each other since you were little. Don’t you think that in all that time, that if something was supposed to happen with you, if it was meant to be, that it would have happened by now? Think about it. She is not interested.  
                I want no further contact with you again, if you set foot in our house I will be only too glad to show how unwelcome you are. To save you the embarrassment, I won’t speak of the contents of your letter again and you’re wrong by the way. I do fully appreciate the fact that Clarke is my wife. She is a wonderful woman, loving, warm, and caring and I am so glad she is the woman that chose to spend the rest of her life with me. So you can keep on watching her back walk away from you because she won’t be turning around.

Finn Collins.

/

“She didn’t get the letter An,” Lexa practically screams at the other side of the line without giving Raven a chance to tell her that It was her on the line nor a warning to Lexa that she was in a very bad mood since Anya declined her offer to join her in the shower.

“What letter?” Raven asks and Lexa checks her phone to see if she accidentally dialed Raven’s number instead of Anya’s but when she sees her sister number she frowns. “Raven what are you doing with my sister’s phone?”

“First tell me what letter and I will tell you why,” Raven sour mood improves a little because she knows it involves her best friend and she can’t wait for the next thing for Clarke and Lexa.

After seeing their interaction for the first time when Lexa came to pay her respects. She got along fine, just as expected with Anya’s younger sister. Having heard so much of her that she felt that she knew her already, and well Lexa, Lexa felt the same. Lexa was more than thankful for the brunette’s presence not only in Clarke’s life but her sister’s life as well seeing so much change in both of them thanks to the brunette.

“I-“ Lexa pauses for a second as if debating her options and at the end her need to vent overpowers the voice in her head telling her that it was a bad idea telling Clarke’s best friend of the contents of the letter. “It was a letter to Clarke.”

“What type of letter?” Raven prods further.

“Does it matter?” Lexa retorts and Raven chuckles waiting for Lexa to keep talking. “Ok it was a love letter.”

Raven’s mouth twitches up at Lexa’s admission and makes a fist bump with the air. “I knew it! But why didn’t you just tell her? Why can’t you Woods girls can use your mouth like the rest of us!” Lexa somehow giggles at that, and Raven rolls her eyes even though Lexa can’t see her. “Lexa not like that I meant instead of writing. So why didn’t she get the letter?”

“Finn found the letter,” Lexa scowls and Raven clenches her hands and lets out a groan and curses like a sailor. “Yeah my thoughts exactly.”

“So now what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet,” Lexa sighs. “Raven can this stay between us, please?”

Raven nods sadly, “Yeah Lexa, but don’t give up.”

“I won’t if Clarke tells me to.”

* * *

**From:** Lexa   
 **To:** Clarke  
 **Subject:** Worried

Clarke, I understand that you haven't been in touch, because of what happened between me and Finn at your dad’s funeral. I know I was probably in the wrong but I couldn’t stand to see you like that. I know you choose to be with him, I know that I just need to know one thing.   
                Are you happy with him?

* * *

**From:** Clarke   
**To:** Lexa   
**Subject:** Finn  
                That’s a very direct question. Ok, I know you can sense that he and I are going through a bad phase and I know you’re worried. And I also know that you absolutely can’t stand him, which is really difficult for me because I would really love you to see him how I see him.   
                Deep down, underneath all his layers of stupidity, he’s a really good guy. He may act out far too many selfish thoughts, says all the wrong things at all the wrong time, but behind closed doors he’s a good friend. I understand that he has idiotic tendencies and I can still love him for it. He may not be someone that you feel comfortable sitting next to at a dinner party but for me, he’s someone that I feel comfortable sharing my life with.   
                I know it’s hard for other people to understand what he’s like. All you see is an overprotective paranoid mess, but god does that make me feel safe and wanted. And his stupidity makes me laugh. We have a long way to go to being the perfect couple, we certainly don’t live the fairy tale marriage, he doesn’t shower me with rose petals and candles but he understands my moods and everything.    
                There's not much I got right in my life, but this family, somehow we're making it work. With him I survive. So I guess the one word answer to your question should be, "Yes."

* * *

**From:** Lexa   
**To:** Clarke  
**Subject:** Re: Finn   
                That’s all I wanted to know, and for you to be happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank all of you for your nice comments, I truly appreciate them. They keep me motivated!


	8. Part VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting this yesterday, I had a few reasons. One of them is that I'm nervous that plenty of you will hate me for this but I just want you to remember this is a Clexa fic after all. Well, hope you enjoy it!

**Part VIII**

Dear Lexa,  
                I think I’m going to organize a search party. Have you fallen off the edge of the earth? Are you still alive?  
                I called your mother the other day and they haven’t heard from you very much either. Is everything Ok? Because if it’s not, I have a right to know. You’re supposed to confide in me because I’m your best friend and….it’s law. And if things are ok then contact me anyway, I’m your friend and I need gossip. It’s section two of the same law.  
                Everything here is as crazy and unpredictable as usual. Aden is sixteen now as you know (thank you for the present, but again who gives a kid a new car? I know it’s new, even though you claim is not. Finn isn’t happy with you, me either but I’ve learnt my lesson after the Segway from last year). He is so grown up that he tells me that he doesn’t need to inform me where he is going during the day or when he’ll be coming home. Unimportant information like that, which a mother apparently doesn’t need to know. I thought I had another few years left until he became a monster, saw me as being in the way, interfering, and deliberately setting out to ruin his life. (Ok so occasionally I do)  
                The child has a new girlfriend now and no it’s not Tris and she always leaves traces of lipstick on his neck now. (What’s up with girls now that like to proclaim their territory on my son’s neck?) Lexa, pink, glossy, glittery lipstick on his neck!  
                I’m now under instructions to knock on his bedroom door three times before I’m allowed to enter, just so he can identify the intruder. (I’m jealous because Tris only has to knock once but lately she hasn’t been coming here. I guess it’s because the new girlfriend problem. And poor Finn. Sometimes, most of the time, he loses count and Aden refuses to let him in for safety reasons. I mean really, who else could it be at his door knocking thirteen times, or at least trying to knock thirteen times? Although I have become very clever and only knock once sometimes, that way he thinks I’m Tris and lets me in to see the inner sanctum of Aden Alexander Griffin. You would expect it to have black walls, no light, scary posters on the wall but it’s surprisingly neat and tidy.  
                I’m not sure if he is still writing or calling you, but if he fills you in on any interesting aspects of his terribly busy and secretive life, please let me know. I’m his mother and that is definitely law. Ok, I lied, I know for a fact that he talks to you almost every single day, because his bill is off the roof every single month, and you know I, a concerned mother thought best to see what this long distance phone calls consisted and who the hell was he talking for an hour, AN HOUR LEXA. So now you have to tell me!  
                Everything at work is going well, I’m still at Kane’s but I would like to move on a bit. More importantly I‘d like to seriously try to finally do what I really want. I won’t rest until I have my own gallery and my work shown at every single big event in the art industry.  
                Finn says I’m crazy. He says I would be crazy to give up a job with good pay, a great boss, good hours. He thinks I have it easy here. I suppose he’s right though. I really can’t afford to take the risk because you never know; I could end up back searching for jobs at 30 (and let’s be real nobody hires someone who’s over 35). Now that would have to be the most depressing thing that could ever happen to me.  
                Ok so I think that’s all my very exciting news for you for now. Write to me, call me, e-mail me, or fly over and visit me. Or you could do all of those things. Just do anything to let me know that you’re still walking the earth.  
                Miss you.  
                Love, Clarke.

* * *

**Incoming call** : Octavia

Clarke glances towards Kane’s office to see if he’s particularly interested in her work as he previously had when they didn’t have much work to do. Just to see if she was actually doing something.

When she sees that Kane was wrapped in his own conversation over the phone, she picks up the call but still pretends that is a work call instead of a personal one.

“Clarke, why didn’t you tell us you’re here?” Octavia exclaims. Clarke hears the chatter and music in the background and she scrunches her eyebrows.

“Here where?” Clarke asks dumbfounded.

“Here at the M.W Hotel!” Octavia says like it was obvious and it makes Clarke frown further. “You know how Raven and I always get the spa treatments once a month here and so we were on the way out and we saw a glimpse of Finn and we thought you were with him.”

“I’m at work, Octavia.”

“Shit!”

“Hey what’s wrong?”

“It’s just maybe he is here for your anniversary, right?” Octavia mumbles. Clarke realizes the date and widens her eyes and drops all pretenses of chatting with some client instead of one of her best friends. “It is, maybe he’s going to surprise me!” Clarke yells excitedly.

Octavia on the other end of the line doesn’t seem too convinced but she doesn’t mention any of her concerns. Well she doesn’t have to either when Clarke requests to check out the reservation. “Could you maybe see if it is Finn or something, maybe you saw someone else? He told me he was away on business.”

“Ok let me call you back.” Octavia tells her and ends the call. She exchanges a knowing look with Raven and they approach the desk briskly.

Call it instinct, call it intuition or whatever but Clarke has always known something was wrong with Finn ever since they got married and if she was truly honest with herself she felt like that way before they got married. She knew deep down what he was doing but she always turned the other way around because she couldn’t grasp another heartbreak and broken thing in her life.

She doesn’t tell Kane where she’s going, knowing that she had the ‘woman in a mission’ face and that no one could stop her.

She starts the car and it’s halfway there when her phone rings. Thinking that’s Octavia she doesn’t even bother to decline, so she picks up the call.

“Hey! Uh, listen I'm gonna have to stay here in TonDC a few extra nights; the guys need me to check out some more venues,” Finn starts and it takes all of Clarke not to press further into the accelerator or to go off on Finn. “So can you take Aden and go to your mom's, and then I can swing by on Sunday and pick you up?” When Clarke doesn’t reply Finn keeps asking. “Princess? Are you there? You always seem to be in another headspace.”

“Yeah fine,” Clarke nearly growls but Finn doesn’t notice.

“Cool, see you later, then.”

“Talk later.”

“Bye.”

When she arrives Octavia and Raven are already waiting for her at the lobby with sympathetic faces and whispers of ‘sorry’ in their tongues.

“What room?” Clarke simply asks them and they look at each other afraid.

“Hmm 208,” Raven says, while Clarke is walking faster and faster towards the elevator.

“Clarke!” They yell and follow after her.

“Clarke? What are you going to say?” Octavia asks her and its silenced by Raven who glares at her and shakes her head in sign to let Clarke do whatever she is planning to do.

They’ve seen her like this on a couple of occasions and they know now not to mess around with her. The other time when Clarke was calculating and had a murderous stare was when she ran into Costia or when she found out about Echo. Funny thing how it always involved someone that had a past with Lexa. But this time it doesn’t have to do with Lexa. Or maybe it does, because she could’ve been with Lexa if she weren’t married to Finn. Finn fucking Collins.

Clarke stands at the other side of the room and takes a deep breath before knocking three times on the door. She’s flanked by Octavia and Raven.

They wait for possibly a minute before the door swings open and a shirtless Finn stands frozen on the other side.

“Babe who is it?” Someone from inside the room yells and before he even mutters a complete “Fuck!” Clarke sets off towards him with fire in her eyes and this time punches him very hard on the face, making him fall on his back clutching his broken nose. “Fuck!” Clarke curses, gripping her right hand in her left. “Shit that fucking hurt!” She still exclaims but then she takes off her ring and tosses it toward the bed where a brunette watches horrified the scene.

“Consider yourself done.”

She then steps right back and with her head high and a feeling of freedom she walks back where she came from, but not before glancing back towards her friends who were taking turns to kick Finn once in the stomach and once in his balls making him a crying mess on the floor. 

Satisfied with their doings they join Clarke and take their each of her hand and they exit laughing and running off before security came down looking for them.

/

It doesn’t take her a day before she’s trashing off Finn’s home office or setting on fire his clothes and belongings with the help of her friends and later Aden who joins them without a question. It turns out he knew and that’s why he hated him but he thought Clarke was happy so he couldn’t be the one to ruin her happiness.

He doesn’t even show his face and once the divorce papers come with a letter inside she doesn’t even bother reading it thinking it’s some sort of lame ass apology, until she notices it’s not Finn’s handwriting but Lexa’s and she discards the divorce papers for the letter.

She rips open the envelope and takes the worn out and crumpled letter and starts to read it out loud.

_Dear Clarke,_  
                You deserve someone who loves you with very single beat of their heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and protect you from fears.  
                You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who could make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy. Someone who should have taken the chance to be with you years ago instead of getting scared and being too afraid to try. I am not scared anymore, Clarke. I am not afraid to try.  
We should start living because Clarke,  
                Maybe life should be about more than just surviving.  
                                                                Love, Lexa.         

It doesn’t take long for Clarke to sprint down and grab her laptop and open the instant messages app. She sighs relieved when she sees Lexa is online.

**You have received an instant message from** : **Clarke**

**Clarke** : Lexa are you there?

**Lexa:** Who is this?

**Clarke** : Oh haha you’re so funny. Can you talk?

**Lexa:** I don’t think you want to talk to me.

**Clarke** : Lexa, please! You’re being weird!

Video chat invitation from: Lexa

Clarke doesn’t think twice to pick up the video call seeing as that was the main aim since she read that letter. She wanted to see Lexa’s face when she told her about the letter, and about what she was about to confess which was she was in love with her. But, when in Clarke’s life she got what she wanted?

A girl is on the other side of the screen, but it’s not Lexa.

It’s Costia, and the same feeling she got when she learnt that she was pregnant lingers on her stomach and she really wants to throw up or pinch herself to see if it was only a nightmare. She doesn’t throw up and she’s really not dreaming because that pinch fucking hurt.

Costia gives her a smug smile.

“Costia? What are you doing there?” Clarke voice breaks and Costia smirks at the obvious shock of Clarke.

“I live here now. I moved in.” Costia says offhandedly. Costia hears Lexa coming up the stairs before she sees her and says “Look who it is, Commander!”

Clarke can see Lexa now in the background running up the stairs before she’s stops suddenly when she turns to see who Costia is talking to.

“Commander?” Clarke says bewildered. Now she definitely wants to throw up.

“Clarke?” Lexa voices her name and Clarke can’t handle the way she says it, because she sounds scared of her. She sees Lexa hesitate for a while on the spot before finally taking the last steps on the stairs and walking towards Costia and the computer that’s perched on the corner of the living room.

Costia rushes her over and takes Lexa’s hand and places her near her chest while Lexa stands behind her, angling her body to be more in top of Costia’s shoulders to see the camera better.

“Baby, that thing we were talking about earlier,” Costia says and Lexa turns her head a little bit to look at her worried.  “Yeah?”

“Ask her now.” Costia whispers while she pecks her neck and Lexa has the nerve to giggle.

“Hmm well Costia and I,” Lexa still doesn’t look up and this time Clarke doesn’t mind. “Uh, we thought, why hang around, you know, um, so, she started organizing the whole thing, but then Anya said no, so your name came up, obviously.” Lexa rants before Costia rolls her eyes at her and turns to look at Clarke and raises her hand excitedly. “We're getting married!”

Yeah and with that Clarke feels her stomach unsettle in ways she hasn’t felt for so long, not since she had panicked about Aden when he was sick and for the funeral or even when she made a move on Lexa.

“The wedding is in a month, it's fast, but we need to fit it in before New York Fashion Week.” Costia explains and further ads, “And you have to be our maid of honor!” As if that wasn’t enough Costia points out what she knew she shouldn’t have done all along. “This is all because of you, Clarke. You told me to come here. It wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you!”

This time Costia seems sincere as she says, “Thank you!” and Clarke cannot longer take it and shuts the laptop with force. Immediately disconnecting the call and putting so desire distance between the happy couple and her miserable life.

“Fuck!”

/

“Do you think she said yes?” Costia laughs and Lexa schools her expression before turning to see her fiancée smirk.

“I told you that I didn’t want to push her with this,” Lexa says disapprovingly but Costia doesn’t care as she takes Lexa’s hand once again and pulls her towards their bed. “And I told you she will say yes, eventually.”

“We don’t have eventually, we’re marrying in a couple of weeks.” Lexa points out. Costia traces Lexa’s face with her fingertips, knowing it helped Lexa stay calm, Lexa closes her eyes and exhales.

Costia keeps touching her until the frown Lexa had minutes ago disappears. When Lexa opens her eyes she sees Costia watching her with a sweet and understanding face and it makes Lexa really let out what she has been thinking for the past couple of minutes, hell days since she proposed.  “Do you think she will be there?”

Costia seems to really think about it, she watches Lexa’s hopeful expression and it kills her when she decides to tell her what she really thinks (sort of). “I mean you didn’t go to her wedding with Collins, do you really expect she will come to yours?”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Lexa scrunches her face and pouts. Costia laughs and pecks her lips and asks, “Why didn’t you?”

“Because-“ Lexa begins but stops before she blurts out something like ‘cause I was in love with her’ or because ‘I couldn’t take my heart breaking like that’ so she decides just to shrug it off and hope that Costia doesn’t push.

“Then you shouldn’t mind if she doesn’t come just because.”

/

“What are you doing?” Anya berates her over the phone. Lexa parks her car in the driveway but remains inside her car, knowing that this conversation was long overdue with her sister.

After what happened with Clarke she didn’t want any other surprises so she called her mother and told her the good news, hoping that her mother would pass the news along her sister and everyone until they got the invitations for the wedding.

It didn’t take long, not even half a day for her sister to find out and now she’s holding the phone so tight that she doesn’t know how it isn’t broken yet.

“You know what I’m doing,” Lexa simply says.

“Why are you marrying her?”

Lexa closes her eyes and rubs one of her temples with the free hand, “Her name is Costia, An.” Lexa is pretty sure her sister just rolled her eyes at her and her tone is more annoyed when she says, “Why are you marrying Costia?”

“Because I love her.” Lexa’s tone sounds sure.

“Really?” Anya interjects, “Because last time I was pretty sure you told me that you were in love with Clarke.”

“Well that was last time, now I want to do this.” Lexa says confident enough that has Anya searching for a lie but she doesn’t find it.

“Was there the silence thing with Costia?” Anya asks and of course there’s silence on the other end of the line. Lexa thinks about all the time she has spent with Costia and she could definitely say that she has never experienced the silence with her or with anyone for that matter that wasn’t Clarke.

“Oh shut up about the silence Anya,” Lexa growls frustrated and Anya’s lips turn upright in a secret smile. “You’re the one who’s obsessed with it. So, come on, was there any silence?”

“No,” Lexa’s jaw clenches.

“Then you shouldn’t marry her,” Anya asserts. Lexa punches the steering wheel and the alarm goes off, blowing her cover immediately. Costia appears at the front door with an amused expression and Lexa signals for her to wait for a second.

“Ok I won’t just because you say so,” Lexa’s voice is dripping with sarcasm, it makes Anya laugh and Lexa follows.

“What does Clarke say about it?”

“Nothing, we haven’t talked.” Lexa exhales and Anya swears she’s going to kill them both. “And how do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know Anya,” Lexa exits the car and takes small steps towards the house. “I really don’t know.”

* * *

**New text message from:**

**Lexa:** Hey

**Clarke:** Hey, so you’re still alive.

**Clarke** : Where have you been for the past few weeks?

**Lexa:** Hiding.

**Clarke** : From whom?

**Lexa:** You.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa** : Because I’m dating Costia again and I was afraid to tell you because you hate her and then you found out from her first which made things even worse.

**Lexa** : SO I was hiding from you.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa** : Because I thought you’d come over here and kill me.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because you think she’s a slut and that she’s no good for me.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa** : Because you’re overprotective best friend and you’ve always hated my girlfriends and I’ve always hated your boyfriends and girlfriends and husband.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Well because he had an affair for one…

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because he was an absolute fool and piece of shit and he didn’t no how lucky he was.

**Lexa** : But let’s not talk about him anymore because he’s gone and he’s never coming back.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because I scared him off.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because I’m your best friend and I care about you.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because I’ve nothing better to do.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because it’s the unfortunate way that my life turned out, whatever happened made me care about you and yours. Anyway it’s great that I don’t have to hide anymore.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa** : Because I’ve apologized.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because I’m tired of not hearing from you and I miss you.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa** : Because

**Lexa** : You

**Lexa** : Are

**Lexa** : My

**Lexa** : Best

**Lexa** : Friend

**Lexa:** But I have to warn you, I’m not going to listen to any of your bitchy remarks about her this time around.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because I love her Clarke and she makes me happy. I feel like the little girl at the library again. And just think, if it wasn’t for you getting so drunk on your eighteen birthday that you had to get your stomach pumped, we never would have been caught. I wouldn’t have been punished so severely by having to stay at the library, and I would never have met Costia. So it’s all down to you Clarke.

**Clarke:** OH WHYYYYYYY? Fuck why?!

**Lexa:** Hahaha. I better go now because I’ve got to prepare for a surgery.

**Clarke:** Why?

**Lexa** : Because I happen to be a cardiac surgeon and there’s a wealthy and connected man called Mr. Wallace if you really must no, who needs aortic valve surgery.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because he has aortic stenosis.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Well the reason behind aortic incompetence in general are rheumatic.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa** : It’s due to annulo-aorto ectasia, endocarditis, and aortitis among others. But you don’t worry (because I no that you are), Mr. Wallace will be fine.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** Because thankfully due to 300 years of studying I have learned an operation involving the ball valve prosthesis which will help him.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa** : Oh Clarke.

**Lexa** : OK but you asked . . .

**Lexa** : it will help him because after induction of circulatory support by extra corporeal circulation, cooling of the patient and heart, the aorta is x-clamped and the aorta valve exposed after the aorta is opened.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** So the aorta valve can be examined and excised for the aortic valve replacement. So then the sizing of the aortic annulus is done by a valve sizer.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa** : To help select the size of the aortic valve prosthesis. Then the valve sutures are placed into the aortic valve annulus and into the heart valve prosthesis.

**Clarke** : Why?

**Lexa:** To tie the valve prosthesis secure into the valve annulus of course. So then the artiﬁcial heart valve is in place, the aorta is closed by a running suture, the heart is de-aired and the operation is ﬁnished. And Mr. Wallace will be a healthy man.

**Lexa** : Any more questions?

**Clarke** : The aorta, it’s in, like, the heart, right?

**Lexa:** Very funny Clarke.

**Lexa:** Ok, I really have to go.

**Lexa** : I’m really glad we had this discussion and that we’ve cleared the whole Costia thing right up. So I’m forgiven and you’re coming to the wedding.

**Clarke** : NO.

**Lexa:** Good talk, thanks!

**Lexa** : See you soon (Here in London)

**Clarke** : Ugh.

* * *

∞  
Dr. Reginald & Miranda Green and Gustus & Indra Woods  
invite you to join them in celebrating the  
marriage of their beloved daughters  
Costia Greene  
To  
Dr. Alexandria Woods  
∞

* * *

 

Clarke groans and pulls the comforter further up her head. Waking up after literally drinking and crying herself to sleep the night before is not how Clarke envisioned her morning nor her life to be at this point.

The loud banging on her door doesn’t go away and neither does her growing headache. The only thing she could do is to see who is going to be her first murder victim.

When she opens the door and finds herself facing a grinning Raven and a sheepishly Octavia holding coffee she literally growls and steps right back into the comfort of her bed, followed by her two best friends.

“You look like shit,” Raven comments as she plops down beside Clarke on her bed. Clarke only has the opportunity to glare at her before she groans into her pillow. “Not really in the mood Raven.”

“I’m getting tired of you Clarke Griffin,” Raven starts. “You said you were finally professing your love to Lexa and you don’t, so she still has absolutely no idea. You guys are so frustrating.”

“You just need a good kick up the behind for wasting all these good opportunities.”

“Well I’m a frustrated woman right now. And I’m not wasting good opportunities; it’s not my fault that our timing is not on our side.” Clarke finally emerges from the covers and Octavia quickly hands her the coffee on her hands and a couple of aspirins for her headache. Clarke swallows both the coffee and the pills rather quickly.

“You can put whatever name you like on it but at the end of the day a missed opportunity is a missed opportunity. Why don’t you just tell Lexa how you feel? Why don’t you just finally get all of those feelings out in the open, and clear your big head?”

“I can’t she’s marrying Costia now or didn’t you hear the good news?” Clarke snaps and feels bad when she sees Octavia flinch at her tone. Raven and Octavia share a look before Raven decides to be the one to bite the bullet.

“She wrote you that letter and that means that Lexa is yours, she has always has been, this is just proof of ownership,” Raven explains and Clarke just shakes her head before taking the last sip of her drink. “She wrote that months ago!

“And anyway she's my best friend!” Clarke says. Like that was enough for an explanation.

“No! We are your best friends! Get it yet?” Octavia says calmly and Clarke looks up to meet her stare and she nods softly but still doesn’t want to ignore the fact that she can’t do this to Lexa. “We just keep missing each other. Maybe we're just not meant to be.”

“At least, just tell her that you love her, more than she knows, and then it will put the ball in her court, and she can make the decision whether to come to you or not.”

“What if she doesn’t-“ Clarke trails off and starts to sob. Raven and Octavia quickly pull her into a four-way hug since Octavia is carrying her first child and Clarke clings to them.

A couple of minutes pass in silence and Clarke’s tears and sobs slow down to the point where she can finally breathe. Her head still rests on Octavia’s neck when Raven speaks. “It is so great having you as a friend. I mean, every time something goes wrong in my life, all I got to do is look at yours and it puts everything into perspective.” The three girls chuckle and Clarke smiles despite knowing that somehow what her friend said was true.

Clarke sighs and says, “She proposed to her on a boat. It's like Kate and Leonardo in that scene on the deck.”

“The Titanic?” Octavia asks and feels Clarke’s nod against her collarbone.

“Mmmm. More like the bitanic.”

“How appropriate,” Raven rolls her eyes. “Right, let me just try and explain this in a language you might understand.”

“Ship,” Raven extends her hands and raises one of them to point the “ship” then raises the other one and says, “Iceberg.” She collides both hands, “Ship hits iceberg. Mayhem, horror, ocean of ice and then Lexa on the last lifeboat. One space left.”

“Is it Costia? Or Clarke?” Raven emphasizes again by raising her hands and holding the two hypothetical girls on each one.  “Who's it going to be?”

“I’ll tell you who is it going to be, it’s going to be Costia if you don’t tell Lexa how you feel,” Octavia says with confidence and Raven nods.

Clarke frowns for a second and then a small smile fights her way into her lips as an idea forms in her head. “You guys are right, I need to tell Lexa I love her.”

“That’s my girl,” Raven yells and high fives Octavia.

* * *

So Clarke and the gang (well the ones who weren’t in London already) were half way through the airport in search of last minute flights to London. But it turns out that every single member of her entourage were immigrating –except for Lincoln- now that they carried heavy suitcases, making running a lot difficult than it’s supposed to be.

“What? You guys immigrating now?” Clarke rolls her eyes at one point during the journey and that’s when Lincoln comes to the rescue and grabs one of the heavy bags from her.

“Less time, more outfits,” Bellamy steps in and declares the obvious which earns another eye roll from Clarke and giggles from the teenagers.

“You're paying excess.” Octavia tells her brother and he shrugs in agreement. Just then Raven finally catches up to them with a handful of suitcases on both her hands.

“Are you serious?” Clarke groans and Raven smiles cheekily.  “I’m not the only one,” Raven points out signaling towards Tris and Aden who are in their own world right now.

“I couldn't leave him behind and wherever Aden goes, Tris goes.”

Raven eyes them and smirks. “Oh, are you two an item now?”

Octavia laughs when both teenagers shout out ‘No way, we're friends’ at the same time.

“God give me strength it’s in the genes.” Raven mutters and gets a slap on her arm. Clarke glares at her with her look of ‘shut up’ before Raven could say something else.

“Well, come on, we're really late.” Octavia urges them forward as she motions towards the departure board.

“Relax, we still have time to make it to the wedding, we have a cushion of two hours if we leave in two hours max-” Bellamy says until they see a bunch of people gathered around a poor flight attendant who is taking questions and trying to calm the sudden mass of people around her.

Lincoln is the first one to break through the multitude “Hmm, sorry, what's going on?”

“Acid fog from Weather Corp was released this morning so we can’t take off until we get green light to do so, sir.”

“But I need to go to London!” Clarke appears almost out of breath and fighting the glares of the ones she almost pushed aside to get to the woman in charge.

“I'm afraid it's a two to three hour delay.”

“I think your cushion just burst.”

/

Fortunately enough they take off in two and a half hours later.

Now racing through a different airport, in a different continent with the same people was not so bad and Clarke felt hope returning to her.

Just barely.

“Slow down! I'm not wearing a sports bra!” Raven screams behind the running people ahead of her. She gets giggles and questioning looks by different people but she ignores them all.

“Okay, you guys, get your stuff!” Clarke shouts as she grabs her suitcases from the baggage claim.  “Aden move it!”

“I'm coming, I'm coming!” Aden shouts back and like the gentleman he is, he tries to carry Tris bags too. Emphasis on the _try_. When Tris notices Aden struggling she grabs one of the bags and gives him a loving smile.

The exchange doesn’t get past Clarke and she smiles sweetly at the exchange before she realizes that she’s on the way to her own loving look.

“Raven, Octavia come on!”

/

Anya patiently waits in the arrival section for the bridesmaid, her girlfriend and her friends for almost an hour before she hears them in the distance. She hears them before she sees them but she knows it’s them.

When she sees Clarke sprinting towards her first she raises the dress and hands it to her. “And you thought the flight was rough. You'll have to get dressed in the car!”

“Thank you An.” Clarke grabs the dress and throws her suitcases in the back of the car that Anya rented for them, and then climbs towards the back to change her clothing.

“We are so late!” Octavia exclaims and does the same with the suitcases before helping the kids and everyone to fit their bags in while Clarke changes.

Raven is the last one to get out and Anya honestly can’t help but roll her eyes and laugh at the appearance of her girlfriend. “You look lovely.”

“Shut up, I know you missed me.” Raven pecks her girlfriend and gives her the bags she was carrying. When Anya finally returns to the driver’s seat she watches her girlfriend already there. “Other way baby.” Raven rolls her eyes and goes to the passenger’s side on the left.

“Are you nervous mom?” Aden asks Clarke who is a step away from launching herself from the car and towards a motorcycle to reach the destination faster.

“No, I’m ok kid.” She smiles at him but fails to convey the opposite of okay.

“Everyone ready?” Anya asks and when she hears a collective ‘go’ she sets off.

/

Clarke doesn’t get to enjoy the journey towards the church since her thoughts are solely on Lexa and the impending nuptials with Costia. She only wishes that for once, just once in her life, timing was on her side.

Seeing the church in the near distance, she feels her heart beat faster and sweat on the back of her neck and her hands clammy from grabbing the leather seat in her hands.

She’s the first one to get out of the car. She runs faster than she did when she was in high school for gym and she hopes at least someone is seeing the effort she was doing for the woman she loves.

The woman who currently is stepping out with her new wife and a chorus of congratulations from inside and the wedding bells setting off in the distance.

People gather around the newlyweds.

But it doesn’t include her nor the rest of her friends who stand behind her with grim and sad expressions on their faces.

Costia sees them first and gives them a cheerful wave while Lexa still is oblivious to the group. That’s until Costia whispers something in Lexa’s ear that makes her turn to look at them and when Lexa first sees her she freezes in place and gapes at her best friend. “I’m glad you came,” Lexa mutters but smiles nonetheless when she finally has the courage to go to the group without her wife. She sees the timid nod of her best friend.  “Me too,” Clarke tells her, and Clarke tries a soft tentative smile herself in response but it comes up short when she’s interrupted by something behind her.

“Is this a bad time for good news?” Raven says while she raises her hand showing her brand new engagement ring while she kisses Anya again. The pair now moves to congratulate the engaged couple and also to congratulate Lexa.  She sees the genuine smile that Lexa gives every single one of them and this time her smile is as genuine as Lexa’s is. More so when Lexa greets Aden and they embrace in a long hug. Before she has the chance to be the next Costia appears and takes her away, along with her hopes and dreams and her heart with her.

“I’ll see you later?” Lexa still manages to ask and Clarke nods because it wasn’t her day, it was Lexa’s and she will always be there for her.

 


	9. Part IX

**Part IX**

**_“For those I haven't had the chance to say hi to properly, I'm Clarke. And this has got to be, one of the happiest days of my life._ ** _”_

Clarke begins and the room goes silent.

“As you can see Lexa has decided to go down the traditional route of asking me to be her best woman for the day. Except we all know that today that title does not belong to me. It belongs to Costia, for she is clearly her best woman. I could call myself the best friend but I think we all know that today that title no longer refers to me either. That tittle too belongs to Costia.” She fakes a smile and hopes that everyone thinks it’s a genuine one, and by the looks and the “ohh’s” of everyone but Lexa and her friends, she knows she’s nailing the speech.

“But what doesn’t belong to Costia is a lifetime of memories of Lexa as a child, Lexa as the woman that’s here today, or the teenager that I’m sure she would rather forget but that I will now fill you all in on.” Everyone laughs and by the shake of Lexa’s head and her pleading eyes she gives her a reassuring smile.

“I’m kidding, I’m not going to tell you everything just something that everyone knows by now. Lexa can hold her drink to an almost lethal degree, as I discovered on my 18th birthday when she decided a night of tequila slammers was the way to go,” Clarke continues with a head shake and whispering ‘bad idea’ that has everyone laughing. “Well, you know when people say that they were so drunk, that the whole night is a blank and you always go, no way, not possible? Well, believe me, it's possible,” Clarke states and she looks around the room to see the ones go gets her, missing in fact the wide but subtle change in Lexa’s eyes.

Everyone is staring at her, but Clarke, Clarke has only eyes for her best friend as she continues with her speech, this time a more honest one. “Anyway, choosing a...Choosing the person that you want to share your life with is one of the most important decisions any of us makes, ever. Because when it's wrong, it turns your life to grey. And sometimes… sometimes you don't even notice until you wake up one morning and realize years have gone by and we were just surviving. We both know about that one, Lexa.”

Clarke pauses for a second. She needs to gather strength to continue and when she looks back to Lexa she gets it.

“Your friendship has brought glorious technicolor to my life. It's been there even in the darkest of times. And I am the luckiest person alive for that gift. I hope I didn't take it for granted. I think maybe I did. Because sometimes you don't see that the best thing that's ever happened to you is sitting there, right under your nose. But that's fine, too. It really is.” She doesn’t even stop this time when a tear rolls down her cheek. “Because I've realized that no matter where you are or what you're doing, or who you're with, I will always honestly, truly, completely love you.”

Everything seems to fit now. Missing pieces, missing memories, missing hearts.

Clarke is not the only one shedding a tear or two, Indra and Abbie are faring worse. And Lexa, poor Lexa is speechless and wide-eyed as the rest of the room. Except of course for the similar display of drinking their glasses full until they bottom out that Raven, Bellamy, Lincoln and even Anya were performing. And if Octavia could drink she would be on her third drink by now.

A flash of a camera goes by then and Clarke is brought out of her stupor and panics when she realizes that it wasn’t fair for her to declare her love like this.

Lexa deserves better. Lexa has it now.

“I love you like a sister loves a sister and a friend loves a friend. I'll always stand guard over your dreams, Lexa. No matter how weird or twisted they get. So, please, everybody, join me in a toast. To the brides.” Clarke then raises her glass and everyone in the room follow.

“To the brides.” It’s less of an enthusiastic cheer when Costia’s bridesmaid asked for it, but it’s okay.

* * *

If Clarke thought that the speeches and cutting the cake moment were a nightmare, well she was wrong. Watching Lexa -for the second time in her lifetime- dance with Costia as her first dance now as a married woman is the worst moment of the night.

And it’s not only them. She watches her friends join after. Anya with her new and radiant fiancée Raven. Octavia with her husband Lincoln. Bellamy with Lexa’s obnoxious third cousin Murphy and her handsome son Aden with the equally beautiful Tris.

All at once she feels so alone, so left out, and so broken. She exits the main room and stands in a deserted hallway with her back into a wall and finally cries. Clarke finally lets out the frustrated scream that she’s been holding on, fortunately enough the music, the laughs and the conversations muffle her noise.

Despite what she said and what she felt for Lexa, her best friend still was unaware of her real feelings because surely by now if Lexa were truly conscious of what she meant then she would be with her, wouldn’t she? She would never know or that’s what Clarke tells herself.

She needs to accept that Lexa is married now, and that they can’t be together. Clarke only hopes that it’s a ‘not yet’ moment for them and that someday they will be together, but she also knows it’s true what they say, hope breeds eternal misery.

* * *

Clarke is not the only one risking herself that night, while her mother was crying somewhere, Aden was risking his entire friendship with Tris as he takes one step closer to her and finally takes some courage and kisses her.

Lexa watches the pair with a tender smile on her face, truly proud and jealous of what she couldn’t do many years ago. The moment is cut short when she sees Tris push Aden apart and running away while Aden does the same in opposite directions.

Four pair of eyes follows different paths the teenagers take and soon after they go after them. Meeting in the middle of the dance floor Raven, Octavia, Anya and Lexa look at each other.

“Lexa go with Aden,” Raven says. “Octavia and I will look for Tris.”

“I’m going to find Clarke,” Anya provides and each of them nod before going their separate ways.

* * *

It doesn’t take long for Lexa to find both Aden and Clarke as she passes a confused Clarke on her way to the door that leads to the rooftop.

“Aden?” Clarke says dumbfounded when Aden just pushes pass her.  

“Aden just...”

“He just went through here!” Clarke explains as she follows her son. 

Once she’s outside she calls for him. “Aden?”

“Mom?” It comes from their right and they immediately approach Aden who’s sitting on a decorated bench.

“What are you doing out here? Huh?” Clarke hugs her son and takes his face gently in her hands. She wipes away a few tears in the meantime with her thumbs and runs her hands through wild blonde hair in a soothing matter.

“I kissed Tris, Mom.” Aden tells her, and Clarke tries a soft tentative smile herself in response.  “Oh. Is that such a bad thing?”

“Of course it is, because I ruined it, she pushed me away.” Aden manages to choke out and Clarke visibly pales, because the worse feeling in the world is watching her son hurt and because she knows that feeling.

Lexa takes one step closer and rubs Aden’s arm comfortingly. Clarke almost forgot that Lexa followed her and now watching Lexa interact with Aden with such love and care, her heart finally settles for a while.

“Hey. Look, I... I was watching you two tonight. You're good together. You're a team.” Lexa tries but Aden shakes his head. “Don't you get it? It would be like you two kissing or something. If you did I would know and this would be different. I'll just tell her to forget the whole thing.”

“Aden that would be a big mistake,” Lexa says, her eyes pleading. “Look, if you pretend it never happened, she's gonna make it her life's mission to go out there and meet the most perfect boy or girl in the world just to try and get over you, because I know she feels the same but it’s just scared.” She watches Clarke for a second before looking back to Aden. With that action alone, the three of them know that she’s talking from experience. “And you know maybe she'll end up marrying this other person and spending the rest of her life with them. And she'll tell herself that they’re perfect and she really must be happy, but thye won't be you, you know?” Clarke’s eyes widen marginally and Lexa smiles sadly at her for a second.

Aden’s expression softens noticeably, and nods understandably. “How come you two never actually kissed? Or did you?”

“Of course not.” Clarke answers immediately and looks at Lexa sideways, Lexa stares at the blonde in disbelief.

Just then, Tris comes crashing through the door followed by the girls, screaming Aden’s name. “Aden?”

“Tris!” Aden untangles himself from his mom and Lexa, and goes straight to Tris’s arms.

“I'm really sorry. I don’t want to pretend it never happened because I want it to happen again. I was just scared but I’m not anymore,” Tris says and Aden smiles, picks her up from the ground in a hug. When Aden’s is about to say something else, Tris is the one now who initiates a kiss that makes all the adults watching from the sidelines smile and cheer for the teenagers.

The teens blush and they make her way back inside followed by everyone except Lexa and Clarke.  

Lexa sees Clarke shiver and takes off her jacket and puts her on her shoulders and then stares off at the distance while Clarke watches her. “Lexa?” Clarke pokes Lexa’s shoulder when she sees her best friend deep in thought. The blonde’s smile wavers as their eyes meet. Lexa’s green irises swirl with such a mixture of emotions that Clarke can’t pin down a single one, or maybe she can, but she doesn’t want to see her friend regretting what’s on her mind.

“I only realized, uh, tonight that you forgot your 18th birthday, about five tequila slammers in, I think, before you fell off the stool you were kissing me. The stool was very wobbly and then you fell.”

Everything seems to stop for a minute and Clarke feels breathless and angry. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Clarke urges and Lexa’s jaw clenches.

“Because you said you wanted to forget everything that happened that night so I thought that maybe you regretted it.”

“Lexa…” Clarke is at loss and they stay in silence for a couple of minutes before Clarke speaks again. “So that's why you took Costia to the dance,” Clarke whispers, though it’s mostly to herself because she has a weird feeling in her chest, and in the pit of her stomach, because it’s all her fault.

“And you went with Finn.” Lexa says with a nod.

“Lexa if I would’ve known-“

Lexa nods in agreement and stops Clarke for a second. She knows exactly what Clarke is thinking and wants to say but she can’t. It would’ve been different ten hours ago but now, now it’s still not the time.

“Clarke we can’t think like that anymore. Just say that you wouldn’t have gone with Finn then-“

“Aden wouldn’t be born.” Lexa dips her head as a sign of agreement. “We can’t say that we regret it.”

Clarke smiles sadly and hugs her because after all she doesn’t regret having the most wonderful kid in the world, having friends and family that love her, and still have Lexa even if it’s not the way she wants her but still.

Lexa clings into the hug since somehow she feels like it’s going to be the last one for a long time. “We don’t.”

The rest of the night passes by in a blur. Clarke is too exhausted to even pretend that she’s enjoying the night once they go back inside.

Her friends notice at some point and they decide to leave the party for the comfort of their rooms.

And for Clarke that means the comfort on Abby and her two best friend’s strong arms.

* * *

The next morning is not as hectic as the day before was.

Clarke waits behind her group of friends waiting for her turn to congratulate and say goodbye to her best friend and her wife.

Once she stands in front of them she only manages to say a quick bye but Lexa is not having it so she takes her in her arms and hugs her and Clarke is still tired of pretending to not want her, and so she hugs her back not minding everyone watching them. Just as quickly as they embrace, they quickly step apart.

Clarke only gives a simple nod to Costia before she turns her back and almost starts sprinting towards her designated gate, leaving her friends and her son to follow hurriedly as she manages to take multiple steps further from the woman who has her heart.

Lexa doesn’t like goodbyes and as soon as she finally departs from her best friend, she finds herself watching Clarke leave. It’s nothing and all so familiar, the troubling feeling of watching the love of her life walking away for one more time.

But she can’t feel that anymore.

Not when Costia is watching her watching Clarke leave.

And the feeling of despair is both in Costia and Lexa’s all through their short marriage.

* * *

So a month after wallowing and crying herself to sleep Clarke decides one day that enough is enough and that she should move on, just like the rest of the world is doing. (But it’s hard to move on since the only thing she wants, well the only one she wants to move on with is with somebody else.)

With her mind set on “moving on” she decides that it was time to quit her job, so she does that and puts all of her money that was set aside for the project to really take it to completion. It turns out that Kane was pretty tired of the scene and growing resentment for his wasted life so he made Clarke an offer which was a onetime opportunity which she couldn’t ignore so she didn’t.

So having bought Kane’s gallery, she has finally made her dream a reality.

A couple of weeks later after buying the place and transforming it with the help of her friends and family she throws a little show for people to see the remodel of the place and new and upcoming artists displays, such as herself.

Clarke couldn’t be happier.

* * *

 

“Cheers Clarke!” Raven raises her glass and soon after, everyone in the room follows her moves.

Family and friends and some acquaintances congratulate her one by one.

“It's so nice. Your own gallery, darling. Your father would be so proud of you.” Her mother with wet eyes hugs her and Clarke clings to her as she lets out some tears on her own.

After they separate, Raven grabs her immediately by the arm and whispers in her ear. “You've got a visitor who wants to buy your last piece!” Clarke’s eyes go wide and lets out a similar squeal that Raven did moments ago.

Her heart hammers thinking maybe the visitor is Lexa’s but after a month long absence she doubts it. A long month without having heard from her and how pretty much everyone evades the L word around her she doesn’t know how or where she is, she doesn’t expect from her to be there even if she would love that.

She then composes herself and goes to where an old man is admiring her latest work. Yeah, definitely not Lexa.

“This has exceeded my expectations Ms. Griffin,” The old man without looking at her says and Clarke being new to compliments blushes and dips her head in acknowledgement. She misses the wild look the man gives her once he turns to look at her but when she looks up and she freezes because she knows him.

“Have we met before?” Mr. Wallace asks suddenly and Clarke doesn’t have the heart or the courage to tell him that he was present on probably her most embarrassing moment of her life.

The moment being the one when she screamed at Lexa while riding in an elevator with an old man by her side _“The condom came off inside my vagina and at present I'm unable to locate it!”_

 _“_ I don't think so.” Clarke shakes her head and a permanent blush stays on her face.

“Well, I’m Dante Wallace, pleasure to meet you Miss Griffin,” He extends his hand in greeting and Clarke shakes it promptly. “Clarke please.”

“Well Clarke, Alexandria never told me that you painted.”

“Alexandria?” Clarke asks confused but her heart is definitely not confused as it beats wildly with just the thought that maybe, just maybe Lexa was there. “You mean Lexa?”

Dante nods, “She never told me that we will be here to admire your precious work.”

“We?”

“Yeah, there she is,” Dante motions with a smirk on his face behind her.

Clarke takes a deep breath before turning around. She gasps when she sees her best friend much closer than she expected standing there with a tender smile on her face and with an envelope on her hand.

Everyone and everything in the room seemed to have stopped to watch the much anticipated moment between the two of them.

“Hey Clarke,” Lexa greets shyly and then pushes the envelope to her. “Please read it,” The way it comes out, is so strangled but Clarke manages to hear it perfectly. She looks down to the familiar white paper and the recognizable handwriting of her best friend, she takes the letter gently from Lexa’s grasp with a raised eyebrow and starts reading.

Dear Clarke,  
                You finally did it! You have to know how proud I am of you and what you’ve done. I honestly admire your passion and compassion and above all the courage it took you to finally let your dreams come true. I want to follow your example and that’s why I’m here to make my dreams come true.  
                Unbeknownst to you I took this chance before many, many years ago. You never received that letter and I’m glad because my feelings since then have changed dramatically. They have intensiﬁed with every passing day. I’ll get straight to the point because if I don’t say what I have to say now, I fear it will never be said. And I need to say it. Yesterday I loved you. Today I love you more than ever; tomorrow I will love you even more. I needed you and now I need you more than ever; I want you more than ever. We’re definitely growing old but I feel like a teenager in love, asking you to give me a chance and love me back. Clarke Griffin, I love you with all my heart, I have always loved you even when I was eight years old and got you into so much trouble or when you got me grounded for most of my life, when I was fourteen years old and wrote you a secret valentine’s letter, when I was eighteen and had to leave you, even on your wedding day, on christenings, birthdays, and even when we fought. I loved you through it all. I promise you to be there for you, to treat your needs as my own and to always love you. So make me the happiest woman on this earth by being with me.  
                All my love, Lexa.

Lexa’s face is level with Clarke’s as she reads; she brushes the hair out of the girl’s face gently once she notices Clarke getting to the final part of the letter.

Clarke raises her head up and wipes her tears before she takes a step forward. Clarke reaches up and gently presses her fingertips to Lexa’s jaw, trailing her fingers along the skin, and Lexa’s eyes closes at the touch even as her heart jumps in her chest because Clarke hasn’t said anything yet. When she opens them again, she looks at Clarke and memorizes every detail on her face and this moment.

“Lexa, I love you.”

Clarke watches as a beautiful smile stretches on her best friends face and she returns with one of her own. They seem to gravitate towards each other more. Clarke circles her arms around Lexa’s neck while Lexa circles her arms around her waist and they don’t waste any more time as they close the distance and they kiss.

Lexa feels her head getting pulled closer by the nape of her neck and Clarke’s tantalizing tongue is in her mouth for the first time in years, stroking and begging for some attention and when her tongue is only too glad to give itself. Clarke smiles into the kiss which makes Lexa smile as well and before long, they are both breathless.

“Wait,” Lexa mumbles into the kiss and Clarke’s heart beats out of her chest overthinking what could possibly went wrong in the two seconds they got together.

Lexa gets down on bended knees and Clarke gasps and covers her mouth with both hands to keep in the yes that she’s so sure she wants to say before Lexa can even say a word.

“I swear fealty to you, Clarke Griffin. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people, yes that includes Raven but especially Aden who has already given me his blessing. I want to do more than just survive, I want us to live because we deserve that and more.”

Aden approaches them with a box and delivers it to Lexa and stands behind the brunette and gives an encouraging smile to his mother. Lexa pulls the ring. “So Clarke do you want to marry-“

“Yes!” She screams excitedly and Lexa smiles and puts it on her ring finger. Clarke helps her stand up and kisses her again. They tore their lips away and take a step back when they finally hear the applauses and the cheers from everyone.

“About time,” Someone yells and both Lexa and Clarke laugh, before Clarke pecks Lexa’s lips once more just because she wanted, and just because she could.

“Better late than never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have any excuses other than I've had a massive writer's block because I tried so hard to make them justice. But it's based on the movie you will say right? I know, but to finally deliver the happy ending was harder than I thought, so I wrote and re-wrote this chapter for like 2777 times and I still don't think it's enough but I didn't want you guys to wait any further, so I hope you liked it. 
> 
> I've one more chapter and obviously will diverge from the original ending but it's going to explain everything I missed in this chapter. It's a cute and fluffy fest that lacked in the whole fic, but it's going to take a little bit more than just a week but less than almost two months so have a little faith in me to deliver. 
> 
> Oh! Before I forget, I want you guys to tell me what would you prefer to see as my next project based on a movie: 
> 
> Last night: Bellamy and Clarke are married, but Raven is a force to be reckoned with when she desires the Bellamy Blake. Lexa is the past that Clarke can’t shake no matter how hard she tries. Their marriage is in crumbles, their love is not, they just aren’t in love with each other anymore. They love other people and that’s ok.
> 
> The other woman: After discovering her boyfriend Finn is married, Clarke soon meets Raven the wife he's been betraying and her beautiful sister Lexa. And when yet another love affair is discovered (Octavia), all three women team up to plot revenge.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.


	10. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Clarke reads the last letter for what seems like the millionth time in her life, she folds it into four neat squares, and slides it back into the envelope. She takes extra good care to this last letter as well as the others.

Her eyes scan her collection of letters, greeting cards, e-mail printouts, message printouts, even chat room printouts (She still can’t believe that Sinclair saved her and Lexa’s conversation), faxes and scribbled notes form her school, high school and for Lexa college days are neatly kept. There must be like hundreds of them spread across the floor and each one of them tells its own happy/sad story.

Each letter represents a phase in her life.

Each letter represents hers and Lexa’s story.

Clarke sits on the woolen shag shaggy white carpet on her bedroom and continues to take in the array of words spread out before her.

It’s her whole life in ink.

She had spent most of the night and early morning reading back over them and her back ached from being in the same position too long and her eyes sting, sting from tiredness and tears.

People she had loved had so vividly came alive in her head during those hours as she read their fears, emotions, and thoughts that had once been so real, but that were now gone from her life. She really had relived her entire love life all over again in a matter of hours.

Clarke didn’t notice that the sun had risen and along with it the large lump on her bed. Well, not until said lump groaned when she reached forward to her side of the bed to find it empty and cold.

“Clarke?” Lexa raspy voice called for her. An immediate smile surfaced across her face, her voice and her name being whispered by Lexa is by far one of her favorite sounds.

She gets up and slowly and carefully as to not mess up any of the letters on the floor she crosses the room to the bed where Lexa is now perched at the edge and watching all the commotion on the floor.

“What are you doing?” She asks amused but stops smiling when she sees those beautiful blue eyes sparkle and glisten with a few tears. She immediately opens up her arms for her wife to find solace in her hold.

“I was reading everything.” She whispers against her hold. Her head is on Lexa’s chest while her arms and hands hold the brunette’s body closer to her.

“Why?” Lexa asks and she shouldn’t because she knows what this day means to her, to them. She feels a faint shrug and her smile returns.

“Did you ever think we would be here?” She wonders and Clarke looks up with interest with a raised eyebrow suggesting her to continue her thought. “I mean, you know married, with three kids and a grandkid on the way.” Lexa begins listing their source of happiness and Clarke wants to keep listening more of it.

“And?”

“And your gallery’s is a success with your paintings too. Me being co-chief of cardio in Polis with your newlywed mother. And you know Anya and Raven having their second child and just everyone being happy.” She glances down to see Clarke’s smile as if that moment is enough to say that they never thought they would be like this.

“No, I never thought it could be possible.” Clarke sighs. She pushes herself up, straddles Lexa and links their hands together.

“I thought I-“ Clarke silences her with a shake of her head and Lexa stops.

“But,” Clarke pecks her lips as a sorry for interrupting, “I was sure of one thing and that was and still is how much I love you and even though it wasn’t our time before, now it is and it will continue to be.”

Lexa can’t stand the little distance between them so she closes it and kisses her wife with all she’s got, conveying that way the same feelings towards her. “I love you so much.” She whispers into Clarke’s mouth. Her hands wander from the expanse of her back to her ass at the same time they hear giggles and hushed whispers on the other side of the door.

“Just like clockwork.” One of them whispers and Clarke with one last final peck climbs out of Lexa but doesn’t go far, opting for the same position they started with.

They hear now shouts behind the door and the distinctively voice of their oldest son asking them if they’re decent. Both set of eyes widen in surprise and Lexa is the fastest one to shout a yes before all of their kids rush into the room.

Clarke cringes when she sees Jacob ran over a letter before he carefully plans out his way towards his moms when his brother tells him to watch out. Madi being the careful daughter she is, is already half way without stomping over the mess on the floor. When Clarke sees Aden carrying their breakfast and a gift she can’t help but laugh at the same time that a couple of tears fall down from her eyes. Not far from Aden is a sheepishly looking Tris with more gifts and her baby bump.

Madi reaches them first and throws herself at Lexa while Jacob does the same with Clarke. They take turns with each other and then it’s Aden’s turn to be pampered with the same type of kisses that makes him groan and say that he’s an adult and he doesn’t need that type of affection but everyone in the room knows he secretly loves it. They give the same amount of love to Tris minding of course the bump but everyone in the Griffin-Woods household is satisfied. (Aden never took Finn’s last name, but he did with Lexa’s.)

Once they end eating their breakfast and catching up with Aden who no less than 24 hours ago was in England (following Lexa’s step) Jacob points out curiously towards the mess on the floor and they take a seat around the papers and begin explain everything that either Jacob or Madi want for an explanation.

At one point they have to stop picking up random letters or email receipts before Clarke starts from the beginning.

“So what happened at the party with Chip?” Madi asks curiously, Lexa cringes at the thought of what her cat did back in the day and Clarke laughs at her wife’s mortified face. “Long story short, chip pooped in my dad’s briefcase, he burst several balloons scaring my friends to the point of leaving early and he ate the cake.”

“No!” Their kids shout alarmed, everything was fine by them until the cake part. The Griffin-Woods kids can’t forgive someone messing with their sweet tooth, something that they got from Clarke, and secretly from Lexa as well.

“Yes!” Clarke doubles in laughter and Lexa rolls her eyes.

“So why did you let mom bring chip to the party?” Aden asks curious as well. It’s the first time he gets details of when did all started with his moms. Lexa grins adorningly at his curiosity and the way he refers to her as mom, even though he has been doing that since the day she proposed to Clarke but still it does something to her heart.

“I mean come on, have you seen her!” Clarke exclaims and points to Lexa who after all the years hearing these types of compliments still blushes like the first time.

“What happened with Chip?” Jacob asks and both Lexa and Clarke give each other sad smiles. Lexa talks, “He passed away baby.” He watches them with a confused stare, he scrunches his entire face and pouts a similar look to what Lexa uses when she pretends she’s mad or confused.

Madi nods in agreement with his brother before she ponders. “Is he now in heaven with Grandpa Jake?”

“Yeah, he is.” The answer seems to calm them down even though they don’t fully understand yet. “Ok.”

Clarke grabs the next note and snorts when she finishes reading, she passes the note to Lexa who laughs and in turn passes it to Aden and Tris and before the two kids who are watching the adults eagerly to know the joke.

“No way, you made fun of him too?” Tris asks and both women nod. “Now I know why Titus hated us and always mumbled something of history repeating.” Aden takes it up to himself to explain to the kids who huff and pout. “We had the worst teacher in the world and moms used to make fun of him.”

“But isn’t bad to make fun of people?”

“Yes, it is baby so don’t do it.” Clarke says and pats Jacob’s head for approval.

“Unless its Titus,” Lexa mumbles while Aden tries to smother a laugh. Both Tris and Clarke flick them in their heads and in turn make them laugh more.

Tris grabs the next note couple of notes and reads them out loud, she pauses in one of them to make her input. “Now I know from whom did Aden got his bad grammar.”

“Hey!” Aden and Lexa protest but they high five each other after she shows them the note and a recent text from Aden simply stating KNOW as NO.

Madi takes the next card in the pile when it catches her attention and she squeals “A secret valentine’s card!”

Lexa scoots over to see the card in question and smirks at Clarke. “Your mother made that from me because she loved me secretly.”

“While I don’t like your teasing tone, that pretty much was the point but your mother was so dense back then.”

“Yeah, right.” Lexa scoffs and Clarke pulls the anonymous card that wasn’t so anonymous to her and hands it to Lexa who immediately blushes. “I-“

“And you call me dense.”

“How about if we leave it that you were both dense and continued to be until you were almost 40!” Aden exclaims.

“Look who’s talking.”

“At least it took me 16 years, you took 35 years!” Clarke pouts and nods defeated, Lexa grabs Clarke’s hand and kisses the back of her hand and then her forehead. “Better late than never.” She whispers against her and Clarke nods again and steals a kiss from her lips that lasts longer than usual making Aden fake gag and the kids giggle.

The younger kids get bored easily and so they go to the game room, Tris offers to keep an eye on them while Aden tries to stay behind until Tris openly stares at him trying to tell him to leave his mothers alone at the end he’s defeated by ‘the stare’ a term that both Lexa and Aden coined for their significant others when they stare at them to do as they say.

Clarke realizes and chuckles while Lexa laughs and pushes Aden up and closes the door behind her.

They keep going even though they don’t need to explain it anymore and soon they find themselves at the awkward stage of senior year where everything happened.

“Oh my god, remember this?” Clarke gives her the chat conversation containing Lexa’s first time and the source of their fall-out. Lexa cringes when she reads and after she’s done reading she pecks Clarke’s lips and mutters a sorry which Clarke shrugs off and then hands her the letter that she once ripped off in half (already taped).

Lexa starts reading it out loud, “ _To the most inconsiderate asshole of a friend,”_ She raises her eyebrow because she has never seen this particular letter but she knows exactly what Clarke was going through on those couple of months. “ _I’m writing you this letter because I know that if I say what I have to say to your face I will probably punch you.”_ She nods because if memory serves her right, there was one day where Clarke almost punched her but she instead punched the wall on their classroom resulting on Clarke being suspended for a day. “ _I don’t know you anymore._ _I don’t see you anymore._ _We don’t talk anymore. All I get is a quick text or a rushed e-mail from you every few days. I know you are busy and I know you have Costia, but hello? I’m supposed to be your best friend. You have no idea what this past few weeks have been like. Ever since we were kids we pushed away every single person that could possibly have been our friend. (Except for Octavia, but you know her, she fought her way in.). Anyway, we blocked people until there was only me and you. You probably haven’t noticed, because you have never been in the position I am in now. You have always had someone. You always had me. I always had you. Now you have Costia and I have no one. Now I feel like those other people that used to try to become our friend, that tried to push their way into our circle but were met by turned backs. I know you’re probably not doing it deliberately just as we never did it deliberately. It’s not that we didn’t want anyone else, it’s just that we didn’t need them. Sadly now it looks like you don’t need me anymore.”_

Clarke gauges her wife’s reflection and sees a frown etched on her face that she so wants to smooth out but maybe they need to talk about it. I mean they already have laid out everything, but details like this were omitted because they didn’t think it was important to them but it seems like maybe they need to. 

“I didn’t think you felt that way,” Lexa’s tone is apologetic and her glistening eyes make Clarke act fast. “I was jealous. I didn’t want to admit it then but I’m doing it now. I was jealous and hurt that you chose Costia over me.”

Lexa grabs and kisses the back of her hand. “I was only with her because I thought you didn’t want me.”

“And just think maybe we could’ve avoided all this if we would’ve talked.” Clarke laughs along with Lexa in a good way. “Ok, keep reading.”

 _“I know you have someone who is extra special, and I know you both have a special “bond” or whatever, that you and I will never have. But we have other bonds, we’re best friends and most importantly we’re soulmates. Or does the best friend bond disappear as soon as you meet somebody else? Maybe it does, maybe I just don’t understand that because I haven’t met that “somebody special” I’m not in any hurry to, either. I liked things the way they were because I think you were my somebody special...”_ Lexa opens and closes her mouth repeatedly for a couple of times before she puts down the letter but Clarke shakes her head and nudges her to continue, this time in silence until she finishes. Lexa puts aside all the things on her lap so she can practically straddle Clarke and kiss her with all she’s got. Hands wander and before they tune out the rest of the world Clarke stops them but not entirely she still pecks Lexa’s lips. “You’re still my somebody special.”

Lexa in favor of keep on reading slides out from her wife’s legs and sits close by.

They laugh when they see the receipt of the hospital bill where Clarke had the condom stuck in her and silently cry when they read the results of Clarke’s official pregnancy along with sonograms and monthly checkups.

That is until Lexa stops when she reads Clarke’s letter of acceptance that is mixed with hers.

“What is this? Clarke you got in?” She asks surprised and Clarke nods.

“I don’t know if Anya ever told you this, but the minute I knew I stopped by your house to tell you the good news but when I knocked Anya let me in and told me you were tied up and that you were coming in 5.”

“Oh no!”

Clarke laughs while Lexa groans and hides behind her hands when she remembers what she was doing while her best friend was waiting for her downstairs. Sometimes they still act like teenagers, because talking about sex (ok sex with other people) still makes them uncomfortable. Their sex life was great, fortunately. Ok, it was mindblowing.

“Funny thing, I didn’t realize she was actually serious just before hearing Costia’s moans and shouts. I felt so sick that I throw up in Costia’s purse,” She remembers while laughing and Lexa looks at her funnily. “That was you? I gave Anya so much shit because she said it was her fault.” Clarke keeps on laughing and makes a mental note to give Anya whatever she wants next time she sees her.

“I thought it was because you were with her but then that week I found out that I was pregnant.”

“It was totally because of me and Costia.” Lexa teases her. She drops a kiss on her uncovered shoulder and mumbles something akin to ‘Kiddin’, I love you’

* * *

Tris comes back a while later to join them and to tell them that their kids were taking their daily nap including Aden. They go to see the three kids passed out on the couch, Madi and little Jake on top of Aden while three kids snore and drool on themselves.

They totally take a million pictures before Tris ushers them to take a shower (apparently they can’t take one together or they will take a long time getting ready, per Raven’s instructions) and to get ready before half of the gang arrived.

They ignore Tris or rather Raven’s warning of not showering together because they totally think of the environment but they do keep their hands to themselves or at least they don’t go far enough for them to take that long in the shower.

By the time they get out, their room is clean and the letters are no longer there but they do find everything in the living room where laughter and commotion is louder because of the arrangements of printouts.

“Finally, you decided to join us from your sexca-“ Raven shouts before a hand, she never saw who covered her mouth before she could finish her sentence.

“Raven!” The room erupts in unison before Aden bursts out laughing. Fortunately, all of their kids were gathered in the playroom but they could still hear the adults in the other room and it worked vice versa too.

“Anyway what is this Note to self?”

Clarke delighted to explain takes a seat besides Raven and takes the note to read it out loud but Raven takes it back and reads it instead in her best Clarke voice which was more pitchy and sultrier. “Tris you should hear this. Do not bounce the baby on knee after feeding,”

“I don’t sound like that,” Clarke flicks her on the head. “And yeah Tris don’t ever do that, Aden threw up in an interview I took him.”

“Mom!”

“What? It’s true!”

“Do not breast feed beside football pitch or in public. (So it seems that men are distracted by babies feeding. They’re so stupid that they don’t even know where they going before falling or going straight into a pole).”

“Lincoln literally ran straight into a door when I was breastfeeding Sam.” Octavia joins while Lincoln mortified goes to the kitchen with the pretense of grabbing another beer.

“It’s not only guys, Anya here once tripped when I was breastfeeding Katie.”

“Same with Lexa.”

“Must run in the family.”

“Sorry kid you’re bound to do it.” Raven teases Aden who instead teases Lincoln, Anya and now Lexa since Clarke told them how it happened.

“Ok this is important, ‘Do not inhale when changing diapers. In fact allow Mom and Dad or even random strangers to change nappy as often as possible if they so wish.’ Yeah let Aden do it or that’s why you have grandmas.”

“And aunts,” Lexa points out to the whole gang. Clarke smiles in conspiracy before the words truly set on her and her face must have paled significantly since Lexa drops her smile and the beer on the table and crosses the room to kneel down and ask her what’s wrong. “Oh god, I’m not ready to be a grandma.” Lexa freezes as well when she registers her words.

“Seriously? You never thought of that?” Anya cracks up.

“We-I-“

“I think you broke them,” Octavia says to Aden who watches amused at his mothers who now are practically sobbing in each other’s arms before pulling Tris into them and then him.

They quickly scram through the years and each person gives their input on how things where back at the time. Mostly is Lexa or Clarke who explain things but it seems that Raven is the one who put her two cents every time. If they didn’t love her so much she would’ve already be relegated to watch the children, but Tris and Aden volunteered since it was going to be practice for their future kid.

Anya reads one of the conversations where someone mentions a silence and she has to ask. “What the hell is this silence?” Lexa smiles at the memory and she turns to look at Clarke who in turn looks at her at the same time and rather than reply with words they convey the so called ‘silence’ by locking eyes with each other. They keep their eyes on one another for quite some time until Clarke’s is the first one to drop her gaze in turn to look at Lexa’s lips seeing a small smile forming in her wife’s lips. Clarke lets her eyes wander over Lexa’s face to finally settle on her eyes again, noticing how Lexa was doing just the same with her and she returns the smile.

The silence was heavy but not suffocating or awkward.

They don’t need to talk as both women are saying everything they want to say just by looking at each other. They give one another a smile that speaks more than a thousand words between them and everyone is transfixed by the weird form of love they show without having to say anything.

Lexa breaks the stare to kiss her soundly on her lips and once they pull apart they finally notice everyone in the room either watching them with surprise, others with fake gags and other ok just Lincoln looking away giving them so privacy.

Lexa loves Lincoln.

They understand the silence and each one is glad they sort of have it with their significant others and finally happy that the one couple who brought them all together were finally enjoying it too.

Everyone decides to skim over Echo related things since they don’t want to get on that subject anymore and they sort of do the same with Finn and Costia.

The sort of part comes when Raven nearly scares everybody by her bloody scream and her punches to her best friend’s arm after seeing Jake’s letter to Lexa explaining it was Finn who Clarke started seeing. Lexa watches the exchange unamused and ready to take the brunette’s tiny and not so hurtful hits to her own arms before she explains her outburst.

“You were mad at me because you thought I was the one to tell Anya who you thought told Lexa you were seeing Finn!”

“And she didn’t?” Octavia asks. She also thought it was Raven’s fault. Clarke shakes her head and gives Raven an apologetic look before actually saying the words. “I’m sorry Raven.”

“You so owe me. You were mad for like a week!”

Clarke rolls her eyes when Raven pretends to pout and turns her back on her. The whole gang laughs silently. Clarke picks up the next string of text messages and she nearly pushes the papers in front of Raven’s face “Maybe this will remind you that I suffered enough.”

Before Raven has the chance to read it, Octavia grabs it from her and starts skimming over the texts (because she was feeling a little bit left out) and after she gets to certain part she rolls into the floor laughing.

“Oh my god! This is priceless.”

“What? I want to see!”

Raven takes back the papers and does the same as Octavia.

“I can’t believe you told Finn that you loved him.”

“Why are laughing at that?” Lincoln asks and helps his wife off the floor and into his lap on the armchair they were previously occupying.

“Because it was meant for me and she didn’t really mean it. She only said that because I said that Lexa was jealous of her and Finns relationship.” Lexa now interested latches onto the papers herself and starts reading, a small smile appearing on her lips when she reads Raven’s messages and a small frown when she reads Finn’s.

“Oh, so you didn’t care about me at all whatsoever?” Lexa smug grin comes and Clarke wipes it off with a kiss. “Shut up.”

“So where is Bellamy?” Clarke changes the subject.

Octavia pulls out her cellphone to check if her brother texted her but sees no new messages. “He went with Murphy to get the triplets from my mom’s house. She wanted to give them a day for them to rest but knowing them they didn’t rest at all.” They make faces but everyone in the room can understand what a privilege is to have a few hours even a few minutes to themselves.

Little do the couple know, they will have the rest of the night off.

* * *

“This is priceless.”

“What?” Lexa asks curiously peeking over her shoulder to the letter Clarke was holding along. Clarke giggles increase when she keeps on reading and everyone in the room feel so delighted and happy to hear her laugh, an occurrence that since she married Lexa has been nonstop.

“It’s Raven and Octavia’s bridesmaid speeches for our wedding.”

Lexa chuckles when she remembers what they said and when Clarke finishes she takes the speech from her and starts reading it out loud.

“Most of you know that this has been long time coming, just like Clarke the other day that we visited. Queue laughter. You literally put queue laughter.”

Clarke pouts while everybody laughs.

Raven nods eagerly, “I knew they would laugh at that so I had to take a moment in my speech to let it happen.” The brunette explains.

“We haven’t met a couple as infuriating and meant to be as Clarke and Lexa. I’m pretty sure you haven’t as well.”  

“We were not that bad, weren’t we?” Lexa asks and everyone in the room looks at her funny and she decides that yes they were. Clarke decides to make her wife feel a little bit better so she takes a seat on her lap and pecks her lips. “We were but that’s all on the past. Now keep reading.”

“Just like Hemingway once said they were victims of unsynchronized passion. But I think I can speak from all of us that we would’ve never met if it weren’t for these two idiots. Just think, if they would have gotten together when they were teenagers they would have pushed everyone away including Octavia and they would have gone to prom together so no baby and more alarming yet no Raven!”

There are a few laughs here and there and Raven blushes and hides behind her wife who teases her. Raven waves Lexa for her to continue and she does.

“So if we think back, it’s a good thing that they never got their asses off their heads and practically did things on their own way. Everything is a butterfly effect. You see if one of them would have chosen differently we would not be here and I think we are all happy that we are. I know that you wasted so many years pinning over each other and giving heart eyes but truly you’re somehow young and beautiful so I think now it’s your time to live and not just survive like what you’ve been doing for this past few years. We wish you the best on this day and forever. “

Lexa feels her neck wet and not because of Clarke’s usual attention to her neck with sloppy kisses or her trying to leave hickeys like a damn teenager but for a couple of tears that her wife sheds just like the night of their wedding when they heard Raven and O’s speech.

“Thank you guys, it was lovely.”

“We love you and to show you how much we love you we’re taking little Jakey and Madi for the night, so you can celebrate your 5 year anniversary.” Raven proclaims while standing up and helping her wife to stand up as well.

Comfy couches would do that to you.

Oh, and old age.

Lexa and Clarke exchange some looks, the majority can see the excitement they share over a night alone. Some chuckle, some teases them (Ok Raven does) and some of them wish them a good night while Lincoln goes to grab the little gang with Aden and Tris in tow.

They say their goodbyes, and even if it is for one night it’s a little bit harder for Lexa and Clarke to let go of their younger ones who couldn’t be more excited to go with their aunts and uncles.

After they leave they multitask while cleaning the living room and making something to eat for dinner, because they’re too tired to go out and too excited to finally have some alone time that would require a lot of touching, kissing and no clothes zone here and there that they couldn’t do if they were out dinning.

It’s not until their hunger for food and for each other is seated enough that they lay on bed to catch their breaths and to talk.

They talk about their past with a few groans, tears and laughter. They talk about their present with adorning smiles on their faces and a few worries for little things. They talk about their future which is uncertain but the only thing they are certain about is the love they have and the family and friends they have who are more than enough.

In retrospective, their life has been good. They’ve had their ups and downs, they’ve had their heartbreaks over each other and over someone else. They’ve broke some hearts and some couches, beds and tables (Abby’s, Raven and Anya’s and Bellamy’s respectively)

They’ve had tears, laughter, unaccountable hugs and kisses. They’ve shared hopes, dreams and babies.

They think they have a life that is worth living, a love that is worth fighting for.

It’s worth it when Clarke can hear how wild Lexa’s heartbeat gets when she’s on top of her half spend, giving her lazy kisses and just like a teenager adorning her neck with dark bruises made with love and passion. Or when she looks at her in the eye and whispers how much she loves her and then shows her again and again how much.

It’s worth it when Lexa can feel Clarke’s body react to the way she touches her, like when she runs her hands all over her back and sometimes drop lower and squeezes her ass tenderly some days or mischievously as to demand another round or when she wants to explore her wife’s wonderful body and starts with her eyes, her nose, her lips and it drops lower then to her neck, she pays good attention to her other pair of favorite twins, then to her belly which and inching lower and lower where she likes to spend the majority of the time when they can, of course.

And this night is no different, they’ve done it.

So yeah, in retrospective no matter how long it took them to finally get where they are, it’s been worth it.

Clarke untangles herself from Lexa’s grip on her back who pouts and wines for the lost contact to which Clarke laughs and rolls over to her bedside table and retrieves one last letter. She returns to her previous position, one leg thrown over Lexa’s legs, her head on her wife’s chest, one of her hands holding the brunette while the other teases Lexa’s face.

“What is this?”

“Go on read it.”

Lexa takes the letter out of her hands and with one hand only she opens it.

**Dear Lexa,**

**I love you.**

**Love, Clarke.**

**-**

**The end**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read, commented, left kudos and such. 
> 
> I love this story because of it's hardships and the whirlwind of how they come to be felt natural even though at times maddening but it all worked out, so that is what drove me to write this story.
> 
> I would really love your input on my next adaptation since I started a bunch of them but I want to focus on only just one, so I will appreciate it if you guys tell me what you want to read next. 
> 
> Again, thank you so much for everything.


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